Renaissance
by When Wolves Cry
Summary: Harry never expected to find out that Remus had a twin sister, or that his mother's best friend was returning to England. But perhaps these three and Sirius, despite painful history, can work together to help Harry in the war with Voldemort. AU OOTP
1. Prologue: Fallacious Continuance

**PROLOGUE:  
**_**Fallacious Continuance**_

_1 September, 1993_

As usual, the station was absolutely teeming people, bustling about so hurriedly that there was barely time to look at the person who had just bumped into you before you had to run off to catch the ten-thirty. Footsteps, voices, and huge engines chugging away echoed off the high, sloping ceiling of King's Cross train station so that the noises all mixed together in one indistinguishable din. Conductors, aides and various other officials ambled about, either waiting for their departure time to arrive or helping travelers find their platforms, and various kiosks for pasties, baked goods, coffee and tea, or various souvenirs were alive with vivid smells and busy shoppers, and the _cha-ching!_ of cash registers repeated with each interaction.

In the bustle, it was understandable that the various travelers who happened to be very strangely dressed by usual standards were virtually unnoticed. If anyone had been watching closely, they would have noticed that there were actually a good many of these strangely dressed travelers, and they all seemed to carry very strange luggage. Not to mention, they all seemed to go in the same direction and then simply… disappear. But luckily for these strangely dressed people, also known as witches and wizards looking for the platform for the train to Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, none of the Muggles saw any of them, it seemed, as they quite literally disappeared into a seemingly solid brick wall.

"I'm telling you, it's simply ridiculous. You'd think they'd take two glances around them just to notice for a _second_ that there are magi – "

"_Would you keep your voice down?_"

" – _sorry_ – that there are magical folk walking all around 'em, disappearing into walls – I mean, I've just never understood it. How do they _not know_?"

The woman speaking was sitting at a small café table near a stand that sold pasties with her male companion, gesticulating fiercely to the many people walking past her and speaking in a vivaciously opinionated tone of voice. She was giving odd looks to some of the people who walked by during her rant to her partner, and many people had given her strange looks right back – and yet she raved on as if they simply didn't exist within her realm of reality. Her companion, in a fashion that couldn't be in any more contrast to her than the moon was from the sun, was sitting calmly with his legs crossed, sipping demurely from his tea mug and giving good-natured smiles at any who gave his female friend any questioning looks. He seemed vaguely bored with the woman's rant, as though he'd heard something of the sort many times and listened simply to beseech her. In reality, both knew that she was only bringing out this long-dead conversation piece to avoid admitting the real reason they were both at the train station.

"I suppose it must be some sort of subtle charm work on the Ministry's part," he replied to her conversationally but quietly, his hissed reprimand to her moments before seemingly forgotten. "You have to take into consideration that _some_ of them would be bound to notice, I imagine the Ministry figured that…" And as sudden as this strange conversation had started minutes ago, it flew away into the din of the background noise of the train station and then died, and there was an awkward silence between the two companions. The man looked at his watch and popped the last bits of pasty into his mouth in a manner that illustrated finality of relaxation.

"We'd better get to the platform," he said in a quiet, resigned voice. "It's getting near ten forty-five, and knowing you, you'll hold me up for the next fifteen minutes." There was a hint of sadness in his voice where there should have been teasing; this sadness was not necessarily obvious, but it was present enough to be tangible and contagious. The woman nodded silently. Her talkative manner of just moments ago seemed to have disappeared as easily as the former conversation topic had, and she was suddenly very introverted and seemed unwilling to speak at all.

The two walked in silence, both just part of the crowd. Even though they were a witch and wizard, they were both inconspicuous to the Muggles around them because unlike many of their kind, they dressed perfectly well in Muggle clothes, for they had spent more than enough time in the Muggle world to know what to wear. Once again, their contrast could be noted in the complicated outfit of the woman compared to the simplicity of the man's, although neither dressed particularly well as far as the condition or age of their clothes could be considered. The woman was dressed in a white button-down shirt with a fairly new-looking caramel brown suede vest over that, as well as a mid-thigh-length black skirt and very old knee-high boots. Her vest, in color, material and condition, seemed very out of place in the ensemble, but if she were to be truthful, the only reason she'd worn it was to cover up the many black ink stains on her favorite shirt. Her companion was merely wearing a very simple grey sweater and blue jeans.

The man looked at his partner as they came up to platform nine and gestured politely towards the barrier in-between platforms nine and ten. She shook her head and he sighed.

"One of us has to go first, so if it's not you, it'll be me. We can't put this off," he said, in an almost reprimanding tone. She glared at him and walked haughtily towards the barrier, disappearing into thin air seconds later. The man shook his head like a weary father and followed her through. Indeed, he reflected suddenly, gazing at the woman as she crossed her arms and looked around her at the suddenly magical atmosphere of Platform 9 ¾, he probably looked like he could be her father. It really wasn't fair how she still looked as young now as she had ten years ago, while he was sporting a nearly full head of grey hair and lines that no thirty-three-year-old man should rightfully own. The long, pale scar running from the top of his eyebrow, over the bridge of his thin nose, and stopping at the end of his jaw didn't particularly help him in the looks factor either.

"Are you coming, Remus?" his companion asked impatiently. "Or would you rather stand around and gape like a first year?" Remus shook his head and smiled despite himself, trotting to catch up with her.

"Sorry, Fera," he said sheepishly. "Just remembering, is all." She looked at him with acutely piercing blue eyes for a long moment, and her arching brown eyebrows furrowed deeply.

"Now why would you want to remember anything here?" she asked softly, thoughtfully. "There are no happy memories… not here."

He shook his head once again, wondering how he and his twin sister could be so different, and yet so very alike. Of course there were happy memories here, he thought. You just have to think of them that way. But of course, he stayed silent. He knew his sister hated to think of anything relating to their past. It only caused her pain, and woe be to him if he should accidentally be the purveyor of that pain.

"It was just a moment, that's all," he murmured, wrapping his arm around her shoulders protectively, as if to ward off any bad memories that might try to creep up on her at the mention of them. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed sadly.

"Must you leave?" she asked, looking up at him with sorrowful eyes. Remus' heart wrenched and he placed his suitcase gently upon the ground, leaving his other arm free to encase her safely in a loving embrace.

"Unfortunately," he said to the top of her head. "I don't want to… but Fera – "

"I know," she interrupted. And she did. It was so hard for Remus to find work – this was a great opportunity for him, and a good buildup for his pride and self-esteem. Now it wouldn't be Fera bringing in most of the income, and even though Remus would never be comfortable saying this and she would never make him, it was probably much easier for his conscience and his pride that he had taken this job – she only hoped he could manage to keep it. It would be nice not to live on the tight budget they'd been stuck on the last few years. She pulled out of his embrace although she was loath to willingly letting him leave her for ten whole months. She did, however, keep a firm grasp on his hands.

"Write me often?" she asked.

"Every hour," he responded with a small smile.

"And remind dear Severus who he'll be answering to if he happens to _forget_ to make your potion for you," she remarked snidely. "I still don't understand why _I_ can't do it."

"Because we can't afford the parcel fee every month – and you know there's a cauldronful of other reasons," he responded patiently, giving her hands a squeeze and looking at his watch once more. "Ten fifty-two," he informed her. She blinked hard and released his remaining hand. Remus picked up his suitcase once more and headed slowly towards the train. When he reached the doorway, Fera wrapped her arms very tightly around his neck for her last hug for a very long time. He clutched her just as tightly, unwilling to admit how much he needed her to stay with him. Finally, he pried her hands away and with one very meaningful look, turned and disappeared into the train. Fera backed up several feet, her eyes never leaving the train car.

Finally, she seemed to find what she was looking for the whole time – her brother's head popped out the nearest window and she gave him an unrestrained grin. He smiled widely back as she approached the window and encased his large hand in both her smaller ones. "Owl me as soon as you get there," she reminded him quietly. "Avoid Snape when you can, eat just as many vegetables as you do raw steaks, and floo home every now and then." Remus nodded and gave an over-exaggerated yawn. Fera glared playfully but didn't let go of his hand.

"Fera?" he said quietly after a spell of silence. She looked at him questioningly. "What if…" A sigh. "What if I'm a rubbish teacher?" She chuckled quietly and shook her head.

"You'll do wonderfully. You've been teaching since we were students, haven't you?" she said with a genuine smile. "I can't say I envy you the memories you'll be attacked with there, though…" Remus opened his mouth to cut her off from her own bitterness when she beat him to the punch. "Make sure you get plenty of sleep on the train ride there, Rem," she mothered. "You barely got any last night and those students don't need to see you fall asleep in your soup." Remus put up his free hand in a calming gesture.

"You worry too much," he told her. "I'll be fine, I promise." She nodded.

"Oh! I've just remembered." Releasing his hands, she rummaged through the purse on her shoulder for a few moments before procuring a large chocolate bar and handing it to him. "The sweets trolley witch vastly overcharges compared to the Muggles," she said with a wink. Remus laughed heartily.

"Dark chocolate with almonds and a hint of black cherry – In other words, utter heaven. You beautiful, wonderful saint." Fera laughed. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Always."

Remus kissed her forehead, feeling vaguely the way he had when they had first felt as alone as he was feeling now. _Eleven years and ten months ago_, he thought. _Almost twelve years ago, we were left utterly alone in the world – and look at us now._ "Perhaps not whole, but still alive," he spoke softly, purely by accident. Fera looked at him oddly and he shrugged it off.

"Fera," he said regretfully, looking at something behind him. "It's time to go."

And indeed, it was as if his words had triggered the train, for it suddenly lurched forward, and Remus' hand was slowly pulled from his sister's grasp. Fera began to walk beside him, talking much faster now.

"Don't forget that this year _he'll_ be there – and I know it'll be hard but you'll have to look after him because of –" The train was traveling faster now and she had to jog to keep up. "Also don't forget to get me that box of quills from Hogsmeade, they're really important for – stop laughing at me, Remus, I really do need them, as you've chewed most of mine up – " Now the train was nearly out of the station, so Fera gave her brother's hand one last squeeze, adding in a desperate shout, "I love you!" She watched as Remus' laughing face disappeared into the window of the compartment, and then all she could see was the train's rear pulling her dear brother and only friend in the world further and further away. "Be safe…"

Fera turned, hands stuffed in her pockets, and began to pick her way through the throng of tearful parents, but not before she felt the exhaustion that had been emanating from Remus and pulsating through her mind relentlessly finally flicker out. She felt it like a wave of relief, or like a sigh settling in her every bone. Fera smiled, glad he'd finally found some rest from the sleepless night before.

She was about to let herself sink through the barrier between Platform 9 ¾ and the rest of King's Cross Station when something in her peripheral vision caught her attention. It was only barely visible there, and it seemed to blend into the wall and make itself as scarce as possible – and indeed, the bustling families about her didn't seem to pay much heed to it; but to Fera, it was a beacon, and she found that suddenly it was all she could see.

It was another of those blasted "Wanted" posters. She walked towards it as if in a trance and absently touched a finger to the gaunt and deranged face that glared out from the weathered piece of parchment. Of course she'd seen them before, a million times over – she saw them everywhere she went. But for some reason, that face struck her now more than ever; the laughing mouth, the long, unkempt hair, the once-broad shoulders, now reduced to jutting bones… But it was the eyes that seemed different now. Perhaps it was because she'd never taken a good look at the stupid posters since that first time she saw one, or maybe it was something less tangible… but it seemed to her now that the glint in the eyes had changed. It was still a glint, granted – but it no longer appeared to her as a glint of malice, a glint of madness. There was something more there now, something more… human.

There was a plea – a longing, desperate plea.

Fera's hand quickly snapped back from Sirius Black's poster and disappeared back into her pocket. Her eyes lingered only a moment longer before darting away from the gruesome image of a once-handsome man. A man she had known.

She shut her eyes tightly and took a moment to recollect herself, taking deep breaths. _There was nothing there_, she told herself. Nothing different, nothing to see. There was only Sirius Black, the mad, escaped Death Eater, and soon, they'd catch him and put him back where he belonged. Nothing there but madness.

Turning on her heel, she set a brisk pace that mimicked the no-nonsense air of Minerva McGonagall and within seconds, she had disappeared into the brick barrier, leaving the cackling poster behind her.

_Nine months later..._

Fera swore violently as she just barely caught an overstuffed grocery bag before it tumbled from her arms, and she angrily kicked her apartment door for a third time. She had only wanted to make a quick shopping trip, and that, as usual, had turned into an excursion as she remembered various last minute necessities. And now she stood outside her apartment, trying desperately to make the key work while balancing two dangerously full paper bags in both arms. Proving faithful to Murphy's Law, the phone had begun to ring on the second try of her key, and now she was all but beating on the door. Finally, she became fed up, and after casting a glance around her, pulled out a long oak wand and surreptitiously cast an unlocking spell.

The phone stopped ringing just as she burst inside the door, and she groaned in frustration as she set the two enormous bags on her kitchen counter. Her voice on her answering machine filled the apartment as she began to put various groceries in their designated, rightful places.

"You've reached Fera. If you're not Remus, feel free to leave a message, but don't expect much."

Fera watched the answering machine in interest as it beeped, while she transferred a jar of pesto to the refrigerator.

"Fey, it's me."

She nearly dropped the jar and her head jerked back to the answering machine. She was frozen in shock at the sound of her brother's voice and could only watch the machine in amazement. She had created that voicemail message with the vain hope that maybe one day it _would_ be Remus – but she had never expected that it ever _actually_ would be.

"I would have owled you but I don't have access to one at the moment, and the same goes for floo powder. Look, I can't be long, but I had to tell you…"

Finally breaking out of her stupor, Fera abandoned the jar of pesto and vaulted over the sofa, and her hand slipped on the back as her feet sailed over it, causing her to crash to the floor, and with a passing groan of pain she crawled towards the machine.

"Fey, it's not easy to tell you this, and it's a really long story that I'll get into later, but… I found Sirius. Fera, Peter's alive. And Sirius… he's innocent."

Her hands, which had been scrabbling desperately at the handset, went limp, and the telephone fell to the carpet with a muted thump. Fera stared at the answering machine in horror, her blue eyes wide, and her mouth went dry.

"Damn, I have to run. Look, Fera, try not to panic. I'll be home very soon, and I'll explain everything to you then. I just… I had to tell you, even if I'll regret it. I love you!"

The machine went quiet, leaving the apartment in silence, with only the ringing of her ears to break it. Fera remained on the floor, staring mutely at the machine. Her head was reeling, and she felt sick to her stomach as one phrase circuited through her head on a loop.

_Sirius… he's innocent._

That was impossible. Utterly absurd. She shook her head. Sirius Black had been arrested twelve years ago for murdering the Potters. He had _laughed_ on his way to Azkaban prison! He couldn't be _innocent._

_Peter's alive. And Sirius… he's innocent…_

Fera scrambled to her feet and fled to the bathroom, where she deposited the remains of the lunch she had eaten an hour earlier – when she'd thought her biggest problem was affording the groceries.


	2. Chapter One: A Laughable Proposal

**CHAPTER ONE:  
**_**A Laughable Proposal**_

Despite the beautiful sunny, cloudless day, Leigh Bledsoe was in a foul mood. Perhaps foul was the wrong word for the mood she happened to be in that afternoon. Melancholy was more like it, for she truly was feeling low and gloomy, just as anyone else in her shoes would feel – even if those shoes were comfortable and fashionable, in her own opinion. Wiping her clammy palms on her long denim skirt once again, she stepped up to the desk before her, sliding her ticket and information to the gentleman there.

"Flight to Gatwick." He gave her a friendly smile, which she tried her best to return.

"Vacation?" he guessed.

She shook her head. "Family." She was proud of herself when her voice remained steady, for she had been sure it was going to crack.

"Ah, wonderful… All right, well, you're all set. I'm sure you're eager to get going!" She was unable to laugh with him as she took her things and gave him her luggage to be placed beneath the plane.

There was still time to back out… She had never actually agreed to go back in the first place. He had assumed she would… and so here she was, still unsure how she had managed to arrive. She had told herself years ago, when she first arrived in America, that she would never return to the place that had caused her so most heartache, so much misery. But here she was, about to board a plane to return to hell. Would she even be welcomed? Would they greet her with open arms, telling her that it was alright that she had run? She had once had such a tight knit group of friends, but that was years ago. Would they tell her how ridiculous she had been, before hugging her close? She was sure the men would make jokes, trying to keep the women from crying…

_Stop it, don't go there,_ she scolded herself as she made her way to the waiting area with the others and chose a chair to occupy until time to leave. _Whether or not they welcome me back, I'm needed… the Headmaster's letter said so…_

Her hand slipped into the pocket of her jacket and slowly pulled out the worn letter she had received merely a week ago. Carefully, as if it were glass, she unfolded it and smoothed the paper over her lap, her dark eyes scanning the words she had nearly memorized.

"_Miss Ursula Bledsoe,"_ it began. Her eyes still squinted with anger. How dare he address her as such, knowing how she despised the name? She scanned on, only key phrases jumping out at her now. "_It is with most grave news that I write to you. Lord Voldemort has grown stronger than ever… I am gathering all of those who were once part of the old crowd… Need all the help we can receive…" _And then her eyes landed on the last few words he had written: "_It is past time for you to come back home. Sincerely, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."_

A shiver went down her spine. It was truly bad if the Headmaster had written her, asking her to return… no, not even asking – _telling_ her to return. She sighed and carefully folded the letter and returned it back to her pocket. Was she ready to return? She'd already weighed the pros and cons hundreds of times. There was nothing left for her here in America, she had no true friends she would miss, and Thad was gone – killed in the line of duty months before. The thought of her dead fiancé still brought tears to her eyes and a twinge of pain to her heart. He had been a wonderful, caring man… Everything she had thought she had wanted. Being a muggle, he had brought normalcy to her life. Going back home, back to England, meant a purpose, friends that had once been her family, memories of a happier time… and also of a darker time and more dark memories to come, if Dumbledore's letter meant anything.

She was so lost in thought that she was only vaguely aware of her flight being called. Hurrying to her feet, she stepped in line with the other passengers, ticket in hand. There was still time to back out of the line… to walk away and out the doors of the airport – back to her 'normal' life. She took another step forward, handing her ticket to the woman and giving her best smile as she was told to go on through. _Still_ there was time. She could brush past the passengers, those with no worries like her own. She could forget all about the letter, pretend she never received it…

"Miss?" the cheerful flight attendant inquired. Leigh looked up at her in surprise. "First time flying?" the attendant asked in a comforting tone.

Leigh shook her head, her dark blonde hair falling over her shoulder in waves. "No, no not at all…" She took a deep breath. "First time going home in… goodness…" She laughed nervously. "…Fifteen years, almost."

"Oh my. Well, I'm sure your family is excited," the woman said encouragingly.

"I'm not even sure if they know I'm coming," she said, unsure of why she was suddenly confessing so much to a complete stranger. "I was asked by an… old friend of mine… to return."

The woman nodded, her smile showing that she wasn't quite sure what to say next.

This was it. One more step and there was no turning back. She glanced over her shoulder at the line forming behind her. There was still time to back out, still time to lose the letter. Closing her eyes for a brief second, she cleared her mind and took a step… over the threshold and into the plane. There was no turning back now… and besides, she knew there would be no ignoring the letter. Dumbledore would never allow her to forget. He would keep owling until she arrived at his office.

And not for the first time in her life, she caught herself muttering, "Unrelenting, meddling Headmaster."

_15 July, 1995_

It was an unpleasant day, full of rain and dreary gray clouds, and Remus reflected dully on how this forecast would pertain to his day. He found it vaguely annoying that on a day that would be so difficult, the weather had decided to be cheeky, and he gave a severe look to the skies, as though they could heed him and stroll away. Remus sighed, and pushed the plate of croissants he'd been working on for the last hour away from him. He was at his favorite café, sitting at a small, round table just outside the window, and he had been there for more than two hours – avoiding what he knew had to be done, but what he really didn't want to do.

He ran a hand through his graying brown hair and looked out at the few cars that passed by the café, spraying him with mist from the street. He would wipe his face on his sweater sleeve every so often, but mostly, he stared, deep in thought. It had been a while since he'd taken the time to go out alone and think. He was with Fera so much of the time that it felt strange not to feel her presence in his mind, and it left his mind a blank every now and then. He glanced over at the empty chair across from him and drummed his fingers on the table; just the thought of his sister made him fidgety.

He exhaled loudly and stood, leaving money on the table next to his unfinished croissants, and pulled his worn leather jacket over his shoulders. He hunched down with his hands in his pockets and started down the street, taking in the pedestrians in slickers and willies he passed on the sidewalk, his bright amber eyes scanning each face. It always amazed him that even on slick, rainy days, people still hurried down the streets, running their errands as usual, unable to stay inside even for rain. Remus shook his wet hair from his face and focused on the splash of his footsteps in the puddles on the sidewalk, and the way the darkness of the water in his jeans slowly crept up his legs with every puddle he stepped in. Occasionally his attention would wander and he would slip into the gutter, soaking his ratty sneakers and his jeans, and he would listen to the quiet squelching of his socks inside his shoes as he walked.

For the most part, he thought about nothing – nothing but the gray fuzziness on the edges of his mind as he made his way across the street, to the stoop of his flat building. He paused momentarily, looking up at the dingy brown building, squinting as the bright sky hit his eyes. _Welcome to hell, old boy,_ he thought wearily, pulling out his key and sliding it painfully slowly into the lock. He shook his head as he pushed open the door and trudged up the stairs. For once, he was grateful for their twelfth floor flat.

He was starting to feel the familiar tickling sensation in his mind and stared hard at his feet as they took the stairs one by one. He let the sight of his damp sneakers fill his mind, as well as the chipped paint on the steps and the hand rail, and he felt the static on the edges of thoughts fade away. He sighed at the top of the stairs and trudged to number 153, a red door with scratched paint and a smudgy peephole. He took a deep breath, shaking his head and rolling his shoulders, and stood up as straight as he could before unlocking the door and letting it swing open.

She was sitting on the sofa looking fairly relaxed, although she had certainly expected him, and he gave her a small smile as he peeled his soaked leather coat off his shoulders and hung it on the door. She gave him a scolding look.

"Have you been walking around in this weather?" she asked accusingly. He chuckled and nodded. "Remus! You'll catch pneumonia! Look at you, you're soaked!" She leapt to her feet, but he held out a hand.

"Relax," he said mildly. "I'm not very cold. I'll find a towel, okay?" She eyed him suspiciously and he laughed on his way to the linen closet, where he pulled out a worn blue towel and began to rub down his hair.

"I tried to figure out where you were," she said quietly. Remus stopped toweling and looked up at her, hoping she couldn't sense his guilt.

"Oh, ah, I was down at the café. Croissants." He looked away from her bright blue eyes and tossed the towel carelessly on the counter.

"I couldn't feel you," she continued. He sighed and dropped to the couch beside her. "Well, I could, once – you were blocking me." She crossed her arms over her chest, and he could feel worry resonating from her mind into his. He shook his head.

"I just wanted to have my thoughts to myself for a bit," he said very quietly. He hoped she couldn't hear the guilt in his voice. They shared everything, including their feelings, and he always felt guilty for keeping them from her. She looked at him for a long moment.

"I see," she said simply, and stood, walking to the kitchen and picking up a coffee mug and filling it with water. "So are you planning on telling me why, or do I have to force it out of you?" The small smile on her face did not fool him; he knew she was upset, and he wasn't about to help that situation. He stood to meet her at the counter, and the two of them leaned against it, side by side, she in blue drawstring pants and he in soaked jeans.

"It's really not a big deal," he said genially. "I'd rather hear about what you did today." She gave him a smile and started the microwave for her tea.

"Oh, it was fine," she said placidly. "I started the day out with a wonderful Cornish pasty and then did stuff." She ended on a severe note and gave him a hard look. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair once more, shaking his head and turning to rest his elbows on the counter. She followed suit, and looked over at him with those big blue eyes. Her gaze never wavered, and there was a shine to her eyes that suggested that no matter what he had to say, she would try to avoid getting angry. Remus took heart in this and gave her a tiny smile, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the words escaped him, and he gaped like a fish. Fera sighed in exasperation.

"Remus, really, this is ridiculous. Just _say_ it, it can't be that bad." She gave him a very pointed look. "I bet you've had worse."

Remus sighed. While that was true, it was rather like comparing apples to oranges, and he chewed on his lip thoughtfully before taking her hands and looking at her seriously.

"Okay, here it is. And I want you to actually stop and think about this before you just say no, all right?" She gave him a guarded look, but nodded nonetheless. He took a deep breath. "A few weeks ago, I was at the market, grabbing those supplies you needed for dinner, and all the sudden I got bowled over by this enormous black mass… well, by Padfoot." He watched her face carefully, warily, and true to form, her nose wrinkled involuntarily. However, she continued to gaze at him, despite the flash of pain that Remus felt at the back of his mind. He sighed and squeezed her hand lightly. "He and I talked and… well, he'd been sent by Dumbledore on a… on a recruitment mission." He watched his sister's eyes, looking for any sign of comprehension, but she merely raised a brow in a sign for him to continue. He sighed. "Fera, Dumbledore's reinstating the Order."

Like magic, that one word set off a tiny spark in her eyes and Remus felt his own dread wash over him. She released his hands and stood, turning away from him and leaning on the back of the sofa, and Remus sighed. The tiny pinprick of hope that had grown inside him fizzled out, and he resigned himself to the fact that this conversation was going to go exactly how he'd imagined it, and the outcome, the same. He didn't make a move towards his sister or reach out to her, but stayed at the counter instead, staring at her with a slight wince.

"Look, Fey," he started tentatively, "Voldemort is back, you already know that. And he'll have already gathered all his old followers, plus plenty of new ones. You had to have thought, at least _once,_ that Dumbledore would bring the Order back at some point." He paused, watching her carefully, but she didn't react. "He needs all the help he can get."

Fera was silent for a long time, and Remus didn't press her. He merely watched her thoughtfully, intrigued by the lack of response from her emotions. He couldn't feel anything she was thinking, and mostly, that frightened him. He bit his lip.

Finally she turned to face him, and her face was suddenly gaunt and haunted. Her eyes were shiny and red, and there was something frightening down within them that made his heart skip a beat. He had known she wouldn't take this well – if she killed him, it was on his own head.

"No," she said, and her voice was gritty. Remus hung his head with a sigh. If only he could let it rest there. But the urgent tone in Sirius' voice came back to him and he gave a huff of resignation.

"Fera, I know it's hard, but – "

She gave an angry growl. "I said no."

There was a stagnant silence between them, and they both stared at one another. Fera's gaze was hard and stubborn, and Remus knew he had his work cut out for him. The silence continued.

Finally, he cleared his throat. "Fera, I can't do it without you."

She gave him a look of shock and he could feel a spark of anger from her. "You're going to do it?" she asked incredulously. Remus gave her a strange look.

"Yes… Dumbledore needs previous experience, and I – you and I – can give that to him."

She shook her head very slightly and turned away from him, storming towards her room. Remus groaned and trotted after her.

"Come on, Fey, don't be unreas – " He was cut off by her door slamming in his face, and he growled in annoyance. Why did she always have to act like a child when she didn't feel like arguing with him? He raised a fist and began to pound on her door. "Fera, open the door. You can't just shut me out when you don't want to listen to me." He paused in his pounding to listen for a response, but received none, and so proceeded to pound some more.

_Go away, Remus_, said her voice in his mind, and he gazed at the door in amazement. Truly, she was the goddess of all children.

_Are you serious right now? You won't speak to me but you'll tell me to bugger off through your mind?_

No response. Remus growled under his breath and pulled out his wand. Just as he pointed it to the lock on the door, her voice came back.

_I'll hex you._

He rolled his eyes and muttered, "_Alohamora,_" pushing open the door perhaps a tad too violently. She was sitting on her bed, her legs crossed and her wand out, pointed directly at his face. He raised a brow. "Fera, you are thirty-five years old and still threatening to hex me just to avoid talking about a problem. Do you see a problem with this?" She glared at him, but slid her wand back into her back pocket. Remus had a vague flashback of Mad-Eye Moody smacking him over the head for that, but shook it away and looked at his sister seriously. "I know this is hard, and I know you don't want to face the barrage of memories that we're undoubtedly going to come across if we do this. But Fera, this is the fate of the entire Wizarding world. I would have thought that after all he's done to us, you would want as much a part in stopping Voldemort as possible."

First the first time in a long time, he was pretty sure he'd put his sister at a loss for words. She opened her mouth to retort, then closed it again, and repeated this several times. Remus couldn't help but grin at her silence, and she glared at him fiercely. "You always make things sound simpler than they are," she said bitterly. He frowned, and sat gently on the bed next to her. They sat in silence for a few long moments.

"You haven't asked the question you really want to ask yet," he said, very quietly. She cast him a sidelong look, her long brown hair falling into her face. He took her hand and gave it a small squeeze.

"Will Sirius be there?" she asked, nearly whispering. He hid a small smile at the tentativeness in her voice, and the fear that shook her voice. He couldn't help himself – his sister's ability to cling to the past was legendary, and she was so stubborn. He knew that this return to the Order of the Phoenix would be hard for her – damn near impossible. But he knew what she didn't – that she was more than strong enough to handle it. That she had a fire inside her that burned to see Voldemort destroyed, and ever since he'd told her that Voldemort was back, she had been more belligerent, more vicious – that fire was burning fiercer than it ever had. He could see her desire to destroy the so-called "Dark Lord" burning in her eyes even now. He shook his head and focused on her face, and the weariness that had set in, and put his arm around her.

"All the time," he answered her gently. Her shoulders sagged and she was quiet for a long time. Remus sympathized with her. The appearance of their old friend had been hard for him two years ago – but she had refused to get involved, and he knew it hurt much worse now.

They sat in silence for a long time, Remus' arm lying comfortingly over her shoulder as she stared at her crossed feet. It was many minutes later before she spoke again.

"Two years ago, you told me that Sirius was innocent, and that he was around," she said very quietly, fiddling with a thread in her bedspread. Remus nodded, waiting for her to continue. She took a ragged breath. "I told you that I wanted nothing to do with him, and that you could rejoin the past all you wanted, but not to bring me into it. I told you I wanted to stay detached from that pain." Remus nodded again, and Fera looked up at him, meeting his bright amber eyes with her clear blue ones. There was a deep-rooted sorrow there that moved him to the core, and he had to resist pulling her into a protective embrace. Fera swallowed hard and a single tear slid slowly down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Remus," she said, her breath rough with tears. "I can't do it." She gruffly swiped the tear from her cheek and turned away from him, curling up on her side with the pillow cuddling her cheek, and a solid black wall appeared between their thoughts. Remus closed his eyes and put a hand to his face.

_Damn._


	3. Chapter Two: Ghosts From the Past

**CHAPTER TWO:  
**_**Ghosts from the Past**_

Fera was currently holed up in her room chewing on a packet of soy sauce.

There was a large Chinese take-out box in her lap, filled to the brim with chicken chow mein, and she had been working at the sauce packet for several minutes now, as it seemed very unwilling to open. Every now and then she made small, unwilling growling noises, but the packet continued to win – that is, until her teeth finally manage to rip it open, causing the packet to empty dark brown sauce into her chow mein. Fera gazed at the take-out box in shock and wrinkled her nose, lifting a chopstick full of noodles to her mouth. She gagged loudly at the intensely salty taste and quickly spit the ruined noodles into a napkin, looking at the offending box with malice.

"Ugh," she groaned in disgust. "Noodles not so good after salt sauce." She pulled out her wand, pointing it at the box of noodles, and muttered, "_Tergeo_," carefully siphoning away the soy sauce from her food. She looked at it distastefully, wrinkling her nose. _Not the same…_ "Alas, the feast is ruined," she said sadly, and set them aside. She rolled over from her side to her back, and reached out blindly on the bedspread. A thin, sleek square found her fingers, and she lifted it to her eyes dully. Two fifteen-year-olds looked up at her, one, a boy with messy black hair and silver-rimmed glasses and the other, a girl with shoulder-length brown hair and a mischievous smile. They were covered in mud and laughed as she watched them, and she sighed and tossed it towards the end of her bed with what little energy she had.

She hadn't left her room for hours now; actually, it had been a week, but only if one didn't count the trips to the bathroom and the two times she'd had to go to work. If she'd had it her way, she wouldn't have had to see anyone either, but that pesky brother of hers kept insisting on bothering her every few hours. Fera gazed steadily at the ceiling and frowned as the patterns in the white scalloping began to mix and merge. _Avoidant._ That word had continually reared its ugly head this week, and it had been echoing in her head for the last hours. Remus made good use of it at least once every time he stuck his head in to check on her, and he always used it in a tone that expressed his disapproval. Fera made a crude sound through her mouth and scoffed. Who needed his approval, anyway? Why did he think she should care if he was _disappointed_ in her? Who was he, the Pope?

Except that she did care. And that so _bugged_ her.

Fera sulked and chucked an unopened soy packet across the room. _Stupid Remus._ She paused and realized briefly that he had probably heard that, before she threw another soy packet as hard as she could at the wall.

What really made her angry was the way he looked at her with that… _pity_. He was her own brother, and he _pitied_ her? What the hell was so pitiful about her? She narrowed her eyes angrily and flipped onto her stomach, crossing her arms over her pillow and using them as a pillow for her chin. He always thought he was sneaking those pitying looks at her, but she could _feel_ them, and they infuriated her. Every time she felt that look, she wanted to spin around and deck him. And he probably knew it.

With a sigh, she buried her face in her pillows. All she wanted was to be alone. To be away from people, and memories, and the world. Was that such a difficult request? She didn't understand why she couldn't just wallow in peace. So she had retreated to her bedroom for a week. So she spent most of that time lying in a bed covered in pictures of her school days. Was that so wrong?

Well, that stupid little voice in the back of her head kept saying it was.

The stupid little voice would also occasionally pipe that Lily and James wouldn't have wanted her to dwell like she was.

Of course, there was a reason that tiny little voice didn't often add its input – its opinions never stood much of a chance with the much larger, more domineering part of her mind, and it would always be crushed by a gigantic fist of repression. Fera loved crushing that little voice. It gave her an intense feeling of satisfaction.

Still, even the domineering part of her sometimes took a look around at how messy her bedroom had gotten, and at the photographs strewn across her bedspread, and would start to feel a tiny pinprick of realization set in.

Fera sighed and dug her face into her pillow. She just wanted all the voices in her head to go away. Remus' voice, Lily's voice, James' voice, her own voice, all screaming at her all the time, all saying different things, and she couldn't get them to be quiet. For just a moment, she wanted to stop thinking. She wanted the sweet release of sleep. But she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since Remus had dropped the bomb that Voldemort had returned. And it looked as though she was never going to get any sleep again.

There was a knock on her door and she groaned. "For Merlin's sake, Remus," she growled. "I told you to leave me alone."

The door opened nonetheless, and her brother's concerned face peered around it. She glared fiercely at him.

"Fey, I brought you food earlier, you can't tell me to leave this time." He let himself and shut the door behind him, and Fera angrily scrunched her knees to her chest. He sighed and sat beside her, clearing a space on the bed. They didn't speak for several long moments, Remus staring out the window contemplatively as Fera glared angrily at the wall. Finally Remus ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "You're not going to lay about the house anymore, Fera," he said, and there was something in his tone that sounded very serious. Fera looked up at him incredulously, and he turned slowly to meet her eyes. She raised a brow.

"I'm sorry, what?" Her voice was challenging and abrasive, and more than a little ominous.

He closed his eyes momentarily and stood. "I'm not going to let you do it anymore. You've been cooped up in this room for a week and you've barely showered. You're done. You're going to get up, get dressed, and we're going out."

Fera glowered stormily at him, and her gaze was thunderous. She stood slowly to keep eye contact and set her jaw stonily. "And how are you going to make me do that, Remus?" she asked stiffly. Her muscled arms were tense at her sides and the set of her face was defiant. Remus met her gaze unabashedly.

"Don't give me that tough act crap, Fey," he snapped. She narrowed her eyes. "You know I'm not, and never will be, afraid of it. Save it for someone who will buy into it, but for now, be out of the shower in twenty minutes."

Furious, Fera gritted her teeth and stood fast, glaring fiercely at her brother, and he glared right back. For several moments played out their silent stand-off before Remus said in his famous, deadly calm voice, "Fera, don't make me prove how serious I am."

Fera gave him the tiniest of smirks and raised a brow challengingly, and Remus sighed, pulling his wand out of his pocket and pointing it towards the bed. Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly and he gave her a pointed look.

"I will destroy every single photograph on that bed if you don't start walking towards that shower in the next ten seconds," he said, his tone giving nothing away, but his eyes were grim and severe. Fera crossed her arms over her chest and didn't budge.

"Those are your pictures as well," she stated blandly. Remus raised a brow uninterestedly.

"Oh, really?" His wand did not move away from the bedspread. "Ten." Fera's brow furrowed ever so slightly, but she was positive he wouldn't burn them. He loved them just as much as she did.

_But I don't survive off them_,said his voice in her head, and her eyes glittered with hurt. "Nine. Eight." She glared at him.

_I do not survive off them_, she thought petulantly, and he did not shift his position whatsoever. "Five. Four. Three." Fera began to grit her teeth, and Remus' eyes were bright and stern. His wand arm never wavered. "Two." She screwed her eyes shut, but refused to move.

"One." Remus shook his head regretfully and raised his wand. "_Incen_ – "

"All right!" Fera cried out, chewing her bottom lip, her eyes desperate. Remus lowered the smoldering tip of his wand, and tiny embers fluttered to the carpet and flickered out. Breathing hard, Fera gazed at her brother with shiny eyes full of hurt, and the silence that fell over them was poignant. Fera closed her eyes and looked away from her brother. "All right. You win. I'm going." She turned to her dresser and busied herself with finding a pair of jeans, and Remus took a step towards the bed and took one of the photos in his hands. He gazed at it with remorseful eyes, lightly pressing a thumb to the small faces on the print. He turned back to his twin just as she was slamming a drawer closed and stalking towards the bathroom door.

"Fera," he called to her, and she stopped and spun on her heel, looking at him with eyes full of fury and betrayal.

"_What_?" she snapped, and he held the picture up.

"These photos mean everything to me," he said quietly. Her face softened very slightly, but her eyes were still shiny with tears she refused to shed. "But… you mean more," he finished, his eyes full of meaning. Fera looked away from him and heaved a sigh. She was silent for a moment, and finally nodded, turning back to the bathroom. Remus began to round up the various photos on the bed, giving each only a passing glance and he retrieved their designated home, an old, worn shoebox, from the floor. He stacked them all neatly inside the box and carefully slid it underneath the bed, and turned his back to the grim reminders of the past.

_Welcome home,_ Leigh thought glumly as she stepped out into the street, careful of the puddles forming from the rain. The sky was full of grey clouds, with the occasional thunder and lightning. _How fitting_. She sighed and quickly began looking for a taxi to take her to the Leaky Cauldron – or rather, the street it was on, since the place didn't actually exist to muggles.

To her relief, it did not take long to find one and she slid into the backseat. Gathering enough courage, she smiled at the driver as he climbed back into the car, her luggage safe in the trunk. Rattling off an address, she let her thoughts and memories take over.

Almost fifteen years, fifteen _long_ years since she had been down these streets. Fifteen long years since she had done magic. A grin worked its way to her lips; well, maybe that not that long. She'd had trouble giving up magic. It was a part of who she was and who she would always be, and just the thought of it made her hand tingle, wanting to clutch her wand to her chest.

Nothing had truly changed, she realized – much to her pleasure. Looking out the window of the taxi, she leaned her forehead against it, basking in the coolness it brought. Her stomach was in knots. Soon she would be making her way to Diagon Alley, and then finding a way to Floo to Hogwarts – or at least Hogsmeade, for she didn't trust herself to apparate just yet. It had been fifteen years since she had tried that, and she didn't fancy splinching herself – that was all she needed. She could see it now, the _Daily Prophet _having an article about how she'd left an arm or a leg behind while trying to apparate after fifteen years.

Coming out of her thoughts as the car pulled up the curb, she quickly handed the driver his money, mentally praising herself for remembering to exchange some American money into pounds before she'd come back, and with a deep breath, she climbed out of the car. With her luggage in hand, she hurried through the people on the sidewalk trying to get out of the rain, and without a second glance, entered a pub. Not wanting to be noticed, she kept her head down, focusing on the pointed toe of her shoes and managing to remember the way to the back, to the brick wall she'd used to enter into the magical world so many times before.

"Well, here goes nothing," she mumbled to herself, reaching carefully into the bag on her shoulder and pulling out her wand. For a second, she stared at the smooth wooden stick in her hands, holding it as though it were a sacred object. In a way, it was; it was the core of her magic, as she'd always been terrible at wandless magic. 9 inches, cherry wood, with unicorn hair for the core…

The corners of her mouth lifted into the smallest smile, and as if the wand gave her strength, she lifted it without shaking hands, and tapped on the brick wall.

Up. One. Two. Three. Across. One. Two.

Up. One. Two. Three. Across. One. Two.

Up. One. Two. Three. Across. One. Two.

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as the wall parted slowly, little by little showing a courtyard. And as though she were eleven years old once again, she couldn't help the excitement that began creeping up as she stepped through the entryway, the wall closing behind her. Letting go of her luggage for a moment, she searched through her bag for the cloak she had found and slipped into it. The soft green material felt familiar on her skin, making her shiver as she ran her fingers over the hood, and she slid it up and over her head to shadow her face. She didn't want to be noticed, and if she was, she didn't want to be recognized. Not yet.

Now, to find somewhere with a floo connection so that she could floo to Hogsmeade. The walk up to the castle would give her time to think, although she couldn't help but wonder if this would be for the better or the worse. It took some time, but she managed to find a fireplace, where she flooed to The Three Broomsticks. Much to her surprise, she stepped out of the fireplace without losing her balance – she'd managed it almost as well as she had all those years ago. Adjusting her hood, she was just about to sneak towards the door when she stumbled into someone.

"Oh, goodness! I'm sorry!" she said, reaching out to help steady herself and the body before her.

"Not to worry," assured a familiar female voice. "No harm done."

Madam Rosmerta turned around, a friendly smile on her lips, but still Leigh began to panic. Would she be recognized?

Rosmerta tipped her head slightly, trying to see beneath the hood. That voice sounded vaguely familiar to her. By chance, she managed to get a good look and her eyes widened. "No! It couldn't be!" Her hands went to her hips. "Is that Leigh Bledsoe under that hood?"

She could have lied and said that she hadn't the slightest idea whom the woman was talking about, but Leigh was a terrible liar. So with a weak smile she nodded. "Hello."

"I heard you ran off years ago! But here you are! In the flesh! Oh, the memories I have of you and that group of yours, the… what did they call themselves?" Leigh didn't have time to answer before Rosmerta had remembered. "Ah yes, the Marauders! Always good for a laugh, that lot!" She patted Leigh's arm. "Why don't you let me get you something to drink? On the house, as a toast to their dear souls."

Leigh frowned, unsure of what the woman meant. "I really would; however, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I have a meeting with the Headmaster and I would feel simply awful if I was late!" She hoped the woman bought it, for it even sounded fake to her own ears.

"I understand," Rosmerta smiled. "Maybe another time."

With a final goodbye, Leigh hurried onto the busy streets, hoping more than anything that she wouldn't be spotted again.

Fera had already been angry when they'd left the house, but now, she was angry and whiny, and she kept her arms crossed over her chest as she followed Remus down the sidewalk. Once she'd finished her shower and dressed, she had sulkily asked him where he had decided they were going, and that was the first time he had declined to tell her. Now, twenty minutes later, she was in the middle of London, trudging down the street in high-heeled boots, and she hadn't even been allowed to eat lunch. To say that she was annoyed was quite an understatement. Remus ignored more of her protests, or waved them off with a cryptic comment about how she'd see when they got there, and he didn't want to ruin the surprise. But he was also blocking her from his mind, and Fera got the sneaking suspicion that she was not going to like whatever this surprise was one bit.

She was putting her foot down, she decided. Quite literally. Fera stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and waited for her brother to notice her absence. He spun on his heel and gave her a questioning look, and she glowered at him. "I am not walking one more _inch_ if you don't tell me where you're taking me, Remus John Lupin," she said sternly, and Remus gave an exasperated sigh.

"Fera," he groaned. "Can't you please just trust my judgment and not ask questions?" She gave him a funny look.

"_Hell_ no," she said, as though this answer were obvious, and her brother couldn't help but chuckle.

"All right then," he conceded, and he took one step towards her and hefted her right over his shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. Fera yelped and beat as hard as she could against his back, and he didn't so much as flinch.

"Okay!" she yelled, smacking him upside the head. "Put me down, you stupid git! I'll follow you."

Remus grinned and let her down, and she straightened her sweater huffily, giving him a fierce glare. He raised a brow, and continued down the sidewalk, leaving her to trot after him in a brooding sulk.

The weather was definitely more cheerful today than it had been all week, and this unnerved Fera. There were some days that she just didn't trust the sun, as though it was only teasing her so that it could retract its warmth just as things got rough. Fera glanced around at the pedestrians who passed her on the streets, all of whom gave the two Lupins strange glances. She had never understood that. All their lives they had gotten just those sorts of looks, as though the people passing them somehow knew they were magical, or that they weren't quite normal even by magical standards. Fera gave these passersby equally strange looks, and they stepped around her warily, making her chuckle to herself. Remus gave her a scolding look and she grinned innocently at him. _If he's going to force me to go out, I may as well make it difficult for him_, she thought mischievously, and he looked back at her again, sending her the message that he had heard her thoughts. Fera rolled her eyes and looked about her, at the black taxis that sped by or at the enormous red buses. She was starting to get a strange, tingling sensation, something deep within her body that was telling her that she had been here before, or that there was something about her surroundings that was oddly familiar. She furrowed her brow and looked around her for any sort of street marker or establishing landmark.

She didn't _think _she recognized this place… Of course, that was the problem with London – everywhere you went you had the vague feeling you'd been there before, and yet everything always seemed new. Fera screwed up her brow in thought, it was about the time that Remus stopped walking that she realized where they were.

"Remus," she said sharply, looking at the streets beside her. "You better hope we're not where I think we ar – oof!" Her threat was cut short by the wind being sufficiently knocked out of her lungs as she ran headlong into her brother. She gave him a glare and he suppressed a grin.

"Sorry."

She shook her head and looked up at the buildings he'd been focusing on. Sure enough, she was looking up at Number 11 and Number 13, Grimmauld Place. She turned to give her brother a fierce glare. "I don't know what we're doing here, but no matter the outcome, you're in serious trouble," she growled angrily, and he rolled his eyes.

"Fera, please. I brought you here for a reason. This… this is the new Order headquarters." She gazed at him incredulously. "I just want you to come inside, see everybody again, talk to Dumbledore." She was already shaking her head and he placed to firm hands on her shoulders. "Fera, I'm not giving you a choice. I want you to give it a try. And if you still say no after this, I'll leave you alone."

Fera was still shaking her head, and she stared in horror at the building that was slowly appearing between 11 and 13. There was absolutely no way she would set foot inside that house. No way in _hell _was she going to let him trick her into entering the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Fera turned on her heel and stalked away from her brother, furious. Remus gave a very audible groan from behind her and trotted after. He seemed to be doing quite a lot of that lately.

"Be reasonable, Fey," he protested as he caught up to her, grabbing her arm. She spun wildly on him, and her eyes glinted threateningly. She wrenched her arm from his grip and held her face close to his, her fury radiating from her in waves.

"This is too far, Remus," she snapped. Remus sighed, biting his lip to keep from interrupting her. "You told me to _trust you_, so that you could bring me to a place you know I'd rather be _dead_ than set foot in! You _knew_ how I'd react, and you did it anyway!" Her voice was shrill and full of hurt, and he could see the betrayal in her eyes. He looked down at the sidewalk guiltily, and Fera's jaw set coldly, her eyes scanning his face. "I can't believe you actually expect me to give this a try after that," she said, her tone finite. Remus looked back up at her as she turned away from him once more and began to walk away.

"I suppose I never thought you'd go to such great lengths to _run away_," he called to her. She stopped walking and stood still, her body rigid. Remus took a deep breath, but this time he didn't try to catch up to her.

"You've spent the last fourteen years running from the past, Fera," he said, quietly but not pulling any punches. "And yet for someone who is always running away, you just can't _let go_."

Remus gazed at her with eyes full of emotion. She didn't turn to look at him, but instead stared steadily the lamp post in front of her. He had tricked her into doing something she was absolutely terrified of doing, and now he was telling her that it was _she_ who was in the wrong. She gritted her teeth. And yet, his words had struck a note within her, and there was a little nagging thought at the edge of her mind that told her he was right. Her eyes felt wet, and she roughly wiped them on the sleeve of her sweater. She thought of all the faces she could be expected to see if she walked into that building… old friends, old coworkers – old comrades. And then they were ploughed over by the faces of those she had worked with, and would never see again – the Prewetts, Caradoc Dearborn, Marlene McKinnon… these were people she had known well, and had thought highly of – and they'd been destroyed brutally by Voldemort and his followers so many years ago.

Lily and James Potter…

Their kind and smiling faces appeared in her mind, and she tried to shut them out. But they were persistent. Lily's emerald eyes, so full of compassion and love; James' mischievous grin, and that wink he had always saved, just for her. She stifled a sob and put her head in her hands. She spent so much time and energy trying _not_ to think about them that, inevitably, they became all she thought about anyway. Remus had a point – for someone who tried so hard not to think about her past, she focused on it very hard. Perhaps it was time to face her demons, instead of running from them all her life. Because when was the last time she had felt anything _resembling_ happiness? When was the last time a smile had reached her eyes? She swallowed the sobs that threatened to wrench from her throat and looked up at the grim building that had once been the Black family residence.

Voldemort had taken so much from her – so much from everyone. And she had spent so many years hating him, hating what he had done. So many years being so _angry_, and so full of unfulfilled thoughts of the many violent things she could do to Peter Pettigrew… But lying awake at night, thinking all these things, was one thing. Here was a chance to be a _part_ of Voldemort's enemies. To play an actual role in destroying him. And she was running, yet again.

Fera turned to face Remus, who was looking at her with eyes full of compassion and love. She took a deep breath and met his eyes.

"I'll go inside," she said hesitantly. Her brother's golden eyes lit up with hope, and she gave him a stern look. "I'm not making any promises," she warned him sternly. He gave her that slight smile he always did when he felt he knew something she didn't, and she rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but give a tiny smile at the wave of exuberance she felt emanating from her brother. She had forgotten to take him into account on this matter, she realized. Remus had been offered a chance to be working toward something, to play an active role in the Wizarding world once again, and she hadn't thought about how happy that would make him; Fera bit her lip regretfully, but felt a wave of reassurance from her brother as he glanced over at her. _No worries, Sis, _he thought serenely. She smiled at him, a genuine smile for the first time that week, and he took her hand and led her up the steps.

It was at the door that she realized that she wasn't the only one who was very nervous about this. Remus took a deep, steadying breath, and she looked at him oddly. _I thought you'd already been over here, _she thought curiously. He looked at her and shrugged.

_Well… I hate to tell you, but it doesn't get easier right away_, he replied matter-of-factly. Fera sighed deeply.

_Let's just get this over with,_ she thought, and Remus chuckled, pushing open the door.

Fera had only ever been inside this house once in her life, and it had been stifling and horrid then. But now, to say even that would have been positive. The foyer was dank and dingy and full of cobwebs. Grotesque silver statues of snakes and gargoyles hung from the light fixtures, which were lit only very dimly, and the wallpaper was dirty and peeling. She furrowed her brow as she looked around, and the floorboards, which were cracked and grey with age, squeaked underneath her feet. Remus tapped her on the arm and pointed towards a large door with a hideous silver knob, and then held a finger to his lips, gesturing for her to be silent. She looked at him quizzically, but followed him.

The door opened to a large kitchen with an enormous, dingy table in the middle of it. Many of the chairs for this table were missing, but the few that remained were high-backed and made of, of course, silver, with intricate designs on the legs and back. The kitchen looked positively unused, and some of the cupboards were hanging off their hinges. It was perhaps the saddest thing Fera had ever seen, and Remus looked over at her in amusement.

_Try not to worry about this kitchen. Nobody's used it to _cook_ in years, _he told her in a comforting tone. She looked at him in alarm.

_And that's not sad _how_? _she asked in amazement. Remus chuckled and Fera turned away from the sad sight of the cupboards.

"Well, this place is lively," she remarked. Remus quickly shushed her, looking about in alarm, and she looked at him very strangely. _I don't understand. You said this was Order headquarters, yet there's nobody here, and I have to be absolutely silent? _Remus didn't look as though he knew much more than she did, and he pushed open another door, which seemed to lead to some sort of sitting room.

_There were quite a few people here last time I was here, _Remus told her, his tone confused.

Fera looked up in alarm at the sound of footsteps on the stairs in the foyer, and she looked at Remus helplessly. He shook his head and popped his head out the kitchen door, and a look of confusion crossed his face. Fera peered around the doorway, and saw a tall, muscled, man who looked to be roughly in his mid-forties making his way down the stairs. He had short blond hair and a handsome, careworn face that struck a note of familiarity in Fera, but she couldn't place where she may have seen him before. He looked up as he reached the bottom of the stairs and, noticing them in the doorway, looked slightly confused as well, and he pointed to the kitchen. The two Lupins backed away from the doorway and the man stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He stopped and crossed his arms, giving them the once-over before shaking his head.

"I'm sorry; I guess I don't know you. Are you here looking for Dumbledore?" he asked. His voice was muted, but friendly. Remus nodded.

"I was here a few days ago, talking to Dumbledore about joining the Order. I told him I'd come back today," he replied. The man looked slightly surprised.

"You haven't even become a member yet and they've shown you the location?" He raised his eyebrows and looked impressed. "Dumbledore must trust you a lot."

Remus shrugged and held out a hand. "I'm Remus Lupin," he said, his voice friendly. "And this is my sister, Fera."

The man didn't shake Remus' hand, but looked at the two of them in amazement. Fera furrowed her brow and eyed him warily. "Bloody hell, you are," he said in an astounded tone. Remus looked confused. The man looked the two of them over and laughed. "Bloo-dy hell," he repeated.

"I'm sorry, do we know you?" her brother asked, and the man clapped him on the shoulder jovially.

"You don't recognize me?" he asked, the laughter remaining in his voice. Fera blinked and her jaw dropped.

"_Fera? Remus? Can I see you both, please?" Fera looked up at the sound of her father's mild voice, and she bit her lip, wondering for a moment whether she should obey him. She stood and trudged to the door, poking her head out of it and looking down the hall. Another brown head of hair was poking out of the door next to hers, and she met her brother's amber eyes questioningly. He shrugged and, together, they made their way down the stairs. Bastian Lupin was standing at the bottom of them, and his ragged face looked almost… happy. Fera couldn't help but scowl at him, and Remus looked sad and forlorn._

"_What?" she asked impertinently and her father gave her a stern look of warning. He put a hand on both his children's backs and gave them a gentle push towards the kitchen, where a very strange young man was standing, looking about the kitchen with a curious look on his face. He was dressed in the oddest clothes Fera had ever seen. He wore a white tee shirt over a revoltingly multicolored sweater, bright blue shorts with a yellow scarf tied round the waist, and shiny black loafers. To top this all off, bright blonde hair assaulted her eyes from underneath a tall black top hat with a fervor she'd seen on no head before. Startled, Fera asked rather loudly, "Who's he?" The man turned to her and grinned while her father looked rather alarmed at her rudeness._

"'_Allo, little miss," he said kindly. "I suppose you'll be Fera, then, right?" Fera narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him and he chuckled. Her eye twitched. She hated adults who pretended they thought everything she did was cute, or funny._

"_Fera, Remus, this is Mr. Owen Thackett." Her father smiled rather conspiratorially. "He's going to take us shopping." Both of the young Lupins gave him a baffled look, and he laughed. "Do either of you remember Diagon Alley? Your mother used to take you there." Remus' face brightened. _

"_Isn't that the place with all the floating things and people wearing funny hats?" he asked with a slight grin. Thackett grinned at him and flicked his own hat._

"_Like this'n, you mean?" he asked with a wink. Remus nodded. "That's the one." _

"_Why are we going there?" asked Fera, and her harsh and rather petulant tone had disappeared. Now, she was merely confused and a little excited, and couldn't help but wonder whether she would be able to chant her much-beloved "I was right" song at Remus. Their father smiled. _

"_We're going to shop for your school things," he said. Remus looked confused and Bastian's smile only grew. "Both of you." Fera smiled toothily and Remus looked disbelieving. _

"_Did the Headmaster…?" _

"_He got my letter, and he said he can have something arranged for you, my son." _

_Remus couldn't have time to be happy or surprised, for Fera, with a loud whoop, grabbed both his arms and swung him happily around the room. And of course, she didn't neglect the song that needed to be sung. "I told you, I told you, you didn't believe me but I told you!" Bastian laughed at the absurdity of it all and grabbed them both as they swung by. _

"_Come now, save it for later. I believe Mr. Thackett's in a hurry – " he ignored Thackett's head shake, " – so let's just follow him and get this done, all right?" The twins nodded at him, but they bounced on the balls of their feet in poorly contained excitement. _

"_You know, Mr. Lupin, you can just call me Owen," Thackett said suddenly. Bastian smiled and nodded at him. "All right, then," Thackett announced. "Now, shall we off, or do you have a pet rock you need to bring along?" His grin was teasing, and the twins laughed good-naturedly and shook their heads. "Right then! Here's what I want you to do…"_

Fera gazed at the man before her in awe. "Mr. Thackett," she blurted, and he laughed, nodding. Comprehension dawned on Remus' face and he looked at Thackett oddly.

"But what are you doing here?" he asked, his face confused. Thackett smiled, and Fera was surprised to see that the strange, cheerful young man that had arrived at their home twenty-four years ago had changed quite a bit. There was a quality of worldliness to him now, a sage quality that one only achieved from years of war or battle. She tilted her head curiously.

"I'm one of the head Aurors with the Ministry," he replied simply. "I joined the Order with Kingsley Shacklebolt." He scanned the two Lupins carefully for a moment and shook his head. "You're definitely not eleven years old anymore, are you?" It was less a question than an observation and they shrugged simultaneously. "That innocence is gone from your eyes," he remarked quietly. Fera met his brown eyes.

"I could say the same about you, Mr. Thackett," she said, and her tone was soft, but matter-of-fact. Thackett smiled and nodded.

"It's been a harsh couple of decades," he replied. "And please," he added with a smile, "call me Owen. You're not children anymore." There was a moment of silence between the three as they surveyed one another, and Thackett broke it with a business-like clap of the hands. "Well, you said you're looking for Dumbledore, aye?" he asked, and Remus nodded. "I haven't seen him in a while," Thackett told them with a shrug. "But I can't say whether he left or not. The man doesn't exactly announce his comings and goings." Fera and Remus nodded in understanding, and Fera took a seat at the table. Remus followed suit, and Thackett took a seat on the table.

Remus looked up at Thackett questioningly. "So where is everyone?" he asked quietly, and Thackett slapped his thigh lightly.

"Now, that one I _can_ answer. The Weasleys – that is, Molly and Arthur Weasley and their five hundred children – come and go as they please, since they have a home of their own. But a girl named Hermione Granger has decided to stay here for the duration of the summer – " Fera noticed that Remus' face lit up in recognition at the unfamiliar name, and she raised a brow. " – and Minerva McGonagall stops by occasionally. At the moment, young Ms. Granger is in Hogsmeade with two of the Weasley kids, and some of the other members that are usually here are probably out and about London at the moment, and will probably be back sometime in the next few hours." He stopped and looked pensive. "It's odd, but as horrible and dingy as this place is, quite a lot of people are here, and quite often." Fera smiled.

It was amazing that even after having known him for one day, twenty-four years ago, she still felt eleven years old in the presence of this powerful-looking man. She remembered how her father had continuously been amazed by Thackett's strangeness, and she had looked up to him quite a bit, even for that one day. She grinned faintly, remembering various small details about that day he had accompanied her to all the shops because she hadn't wanted to be around her father.

"So why on earth did Dumbledore choose this place for the headquarters of the Order?" Fera asked curiously, looking around the kitchen in distaste. Thackett chuckled softly and made a sweeping gesture.

"You mean you can't see the boundless potential in this place?" he asked grandly, and she and Remus laughed. Thackett shrugged. "I guess old Orion Black, who used to live here with his family, charmed the place so that muggles couldn't find it. Real uptight about all that pureblood nonsense, you see," Thackett added, and Fera waved him away. She knew the story. "And Sirius Black – who's innocent, by the way, would you believe it? – offered it up to Dumbledore as the headquarters. So Dumbledore made himself the Secret Keeper and… well, here we are." Fera looked contemplative. "So what have you two been doing all these years?" Thackett inquired. The two Lupins shrugged in unison.

"Working," Fera said dully.

"Not working," Remus added with a small smile. Thackett smiled and shook his head.

"What did you end up doing, Fera?" he asked curiously, and Fera gave a short laugh and shrugged one shoulder.

"I write an editorial column for the _Daily Prophet_," she said dryly. "Not exactly a claim to fame, but I make good money and get to criticize the way of the world, and I see nothing wrong with that." Thackett laughed and nodded.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," he replied. "You were always good at expressing your opinions." Fera grinned.

Remus' ears pricked up, and Fera looked at him curiously. She knew immediately that he was hiding a look of alarm, and she narrowed her eyes at him. "What?" she asked sharply, and he shook his head, trying to avoid her eyes. Then she heard it – more footsteps on the staircase. She gave her brother a severe look, glancing between him and the door warily. "_What is it_, Remus?"

When her brother didn't respond, Fera stood, annoyed and yanked open the door. There, she froze in shock, and her eyes widened to the size of saucers.

The man standing on the other side, gazing at her in amazement, was tall and broad-shouldered, with long, dirty black hair and haunted gray eyes. His strong chin was covered in dark stubble and his face and frame were gaunt and underfed. But despite these things there was no mistaking him – she was looking at none other than Sirius Black.

There was a long, awkward silence, in which Remus emanated guilt. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, Fera's brain kicked into action and she choked out a muffled, "Excuse me," before darting around him and through the doorway. She bolted for the front door and slammed it behind her, leaving Remus, Sirius, and Thackett to stare at each other in stunned silence.


	4. Chapter Three: My Mother's Shame

**CHAPTER THREE:  
**_**My Mother's Shame**_

The kitchen of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, only minutes after a happening of disastrous proportions, was silent as the grave. Sirius Black stood in the doorway blinking in utter bewilderment as Remus Lupin and Owen Thackett sat at the table nearby, looking guilty and absolutely amazed, respectively. Very shortly before, Sirius had almost literally run into a face he hadn't thought he'd ever see again, and he wasn't altogether convinced yet that she hadn't been a mirage. After all, he had been spending an awful lot of time alone lately, and such depressing surroundings could not be healthy for the psyche. Sirius looked over at his best friend, who was now slumped in his chair, running a hand through his hair. Sirius couldn't even get the words out for a moment, and his mouth floundered soundlessly as he gestured towards the door.

"Was that…" He paused, his words stunned. "Was… that?" He wasn't sure he'd ever been at a loss for words before. Remus looked up and nodded, looking sheepish. Sirius blinked again and looked towards the front door, baffled. "I… why…" he stuttered, his eyebrows raised. He looked back at Remus. "What the bloody hell?" He noticed vaguely that his voice was rather high-pitched, and Thackett gave him a strange look.

"Would anyone like to tell me what the hell is going on?" Thackett asked genially. Sirius slowly sank to a chair and gave Remus an accusing look.

"A little warning would have been nice!" Sirius snapped, grabbing a dingy black lock of hair and shaking it at his friend. Remus shook his head and groaned.

"I didn't know you'd be here," he said quietly. Sirius gave him an incredulous look. Remus looked defensive. "Well, obviously I realize it _now,_" he added, annoyed. Sirius glared at him and put his head against the table. Thackett looked at them both with an arched brow.

"You two are pathetic," he said blithely. The two of them looked up at him with blank stares, and he laughed. "I have no idea what's going on here, but it seems to me like Miss Lupin has you wrapped around her finger."

Sirius didn't argue and merely gave a nonchalant shrug. Remus sighed bitterly and muttered under his breath, "You don't know her like I do." Sirius gave a short bark of laughter, and Thackett shook his head.

"If you say so, mate," he said, shrugging. "I'll be upstairs – I've got paperwork to file. I'm sure Dumbledore'll be here soon." He was matter-of-fact but not rude, and Sirius couldn't help but grin at his typical, ridiculously likeable manner. Thackett gave a short wave and headed for the stairs, but he stopped and turned back to them on his way there. "By the way, is one of you going to go after her?" he asked curiously, as though he were asking if they knew how to get to the train station. Remus and Sirius both scoffed.

"Trust me," Remus said. "It's best to leave her for now."

Thackett raised a brow and stared for a moment, but he shrugged it off and made his way up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Remus shook his head at the departing man's back, and Sirius looked up at his friend.

"Moony, what's going on?" he asked. His eyes were bloodshot, and he knew he didn't smell particularly pleasant. He gave a subtle sniff at his robe and wrinkled his nose. Remus gave him a quizzical look, and he shook his head.

"It's been really hard to convince her to join the Order," Remus said, glancing toward the kitchen door. "She's put so much energy into running from her pain that I don't think she quite knows what to do with all this new information or all these old memories that keep popping up." He gave the shaggier Marauder a pointed look. "She decided she'd give it a try, and I think she was expecting people like Hestia Jones or maybe Hagrid. I'm pretty sure she wasn't prepared to see you here." He gave an apologetic look to Sirius, who looked at the dingy room around him with a raised brow. "I didn't say it made sense, Sirius," Remus added.

Sirius was quiet and thoughtful for several long moments. Fera's bright blue eyes were clear in his mind, burned there along with the slope of her jaw line, the high set of her cheekbones, the sharp angles of her eyebrows that made her so expressive… He couldn't help the tiny smile that came to his lips, and Remus was watching him with a suppressed grin. Sirius looked over at the other man and gave him a dirty look. "What are you grinning at?" he asked, annoyed. Remus chuckled and shook his head.

"Even after fourteen years," he said quietly, smiling. Sirius sighed and laid his head on his arms, looking miserable. Remus looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Padfoot."

Sirius waved him away and rubbed his temples. "I've been stuck in this house for weeks with no one for company but Buckbeak and, occasionally, Owen. And Kreacher," he added resentfully. "I can't go outside for fear of somebody seeing me, and I can't even write to my godson to reassure him that I'm all right." His voice was angry and his eyes miserable. "All I've really had to look forward to was you moving in here, and now here you are – and you brought _her _with you. It's the first time I've felt true happiness in months, even if it was only for a moment." He stared hard at the table, doing his best to avoid the other man's eyes. He didn't want to see the compassion that he knew was there. Remus meant well, but his kindness sometimes only broke Sirius' heart even more – he knew he didn't deserve it. His hand absent-mindedly found his pocket, and his fingers grasped at the tiny piece of metal that rested peacefully next to his wand.

"Perhaps you're not out of the game yet, mate," Remus said comfortingly. "I don't think Fera's completely written off joining the Order yet, and you _are_ innocent." Remus gave him an encouraging smile, and Sirius gave a humorless laugh, pulling his hand out of his pocket and opening it on the table for the other man to see. In his palm rested a small silver ring with three diamond insets, and Remus looked up at him, his brows furrowed in surprise.

"How…? I always wondered what she did with it," he said softly, taking the ring from Sirius' palm and looking at it curiously. "How did you get it?" He looked suddenly incredulous. "And how did you hold onto it all this time?"

Sirius gazed at his hands miserably, his black hair hiding his bony face in a veil of shadow. He traced the faint lines on his palm quietly for a moment before his shoulders slumped. "I guess she never told you that she came to visit me shortly after I was taken to Azkaban." Remus shook his head, looking perturbed. Sirius' voice was hollow and gruff. "About a month after. She came to tell me that she hoped I rotted in Azkaban and that she couldn't believe she had ever felt anything besides disgust towards me." His voice broke and Remus looked horrified, his eyes wide. "She said she was ashamed to say she had ever trusted me. Had ever… had ever loved me." Sirius' words were throaty and hoarse, and Remus sat in shock, staring at the ring in his fingers. Sirius gestured to the ring with a nod. "Then she threw that at my feet and stormed out. And I never saw her again. Until today." He smiled bitterly. "She's as beautiful as ever." His eyes closed painfully and he ignored the pressure that pricked behind them. Remus, his face full of sorrow for his best friend, gently laid the ring back in Sirius' palm, which closed tightly over it and returned it to his pocket.

"Sirius, I'm sorry," Remus said, and his voice was heavily laden with unspoken regrets. Sirius gave his friend a sad smile.

"Please, Moony, don't be. I'm free now, and while I'm not quite whole, I'm not entirely broken either." He attempted one of his classic Marauder grins, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. They sat in silent companionship for several long minutes, Sirius staring at the table and Remus gazing at the wall, both lost deeply in thought.

"What has she been doing all these years anyway?" Sirius finally asked very quietly. Remus gave him a deer in the headlights look.

"Sirius," he responded hesitantly. "I don't know if – "

"Moony, don't worry about it," Sirius interrupted. Remus looked worried. "I can handle it." The two old friends stared at one another for a long minute until finally Remus relented.

"Well, she hasn't done much, I guess," he said slowly. "She's worked really hard on her editorial, and she's actually quite popular. I guess readers find it refreshing to have an honest voice among all the drivel that's usually printed." The two Marauders smiled at one another and Remus shook his head. "There isn't really much to tell, actually. She's been really absorbed in work – it's kind of her vice, along with her cooking." Sirius scrutinized Remus carefully; it was obvious to him that his best mate was withholding information to spare his feelings, and he narrowed his eyes, arching a brow.

"Remus, I'm not some child. I can handle whatever you're not telling me."

Remus sighed and bit his lip. "I'm not sure you can, Sirius," he said seriously. Sirius didn't falter; if anything, his gaze sharpened. Finally, Remus looked down at the table and sighed. "Well, a few years ago, Fera ran into… into Ewen Aubrey. And started seeing him again…"

Sirius yelped and banged his shin on the table as he stood. "What! That git?" Remus winced and nodded.

"You told me to tell you," he said hesitantly. Sirius stared at him in disbelief and sat back down very slowly, his head shaking in denial. He closed his eyes.

"Why did it end?" he asked quietly. Remus winced once more.

"Well… he sort of… proposed to her."

Sirius did not respond. He merely stared at Remus as though he'd been turned to stone. He was pretty sure one of his veins had just closed. Remus put up a hand.

"Don't worry too much – that was why she broke it off. Well," he amended, "she actually bolted and refused to see him." He couldn't help the smile that rose to his lips, and Sirius grinned.

"Was it brutal?" he asked, perhaps too eagerly. Remus smiled mildly and nodded, and Sirius chuckled. "Well, that's good then." They sat in silence once more. Sirius was looking thoughtfully at the chandelier above the table. It was an intricate silver monstrosity designed with hundreds of small snakes. There was something to be said about good taste, and it was not, "The diamonds in that snake's eyes really set off the grin on that stuffed house elf's head on the wall!" Sirius shook his head and couldn't restrain the chuckle that burst from his lips. Remus gave him a confused smile and Sirius shook his head, still grinning.

"I was thinking of the day my mother bought this hideous chandelier," he said, his voice still tinted with laughter. Remus looked up at the hideous light fixture and raised his eyebrows in what Sirius could only assume was utter fear.

"It is rather hideous," Remus said carefully, and Sirius laughed. Good old Remus, ever the diplomat.

"It's a monstrosity," Sirius corrected. "Anyway, as my father hung it up, she said that it was just one more step to making the nobility of this household immortal." He couldn't help but laugh again. "I can only imagine the look on her face if she saw the state of the house today. She would add Kreacher to her collection. And if she found out it was being used as Order of the Phoenix headquarters?" He gave a low whistle and drew a finger across his neck, and Remus laughed. Sirius looked around the house and shook his head. "I never thought I'd be back here, Moony," he said quietly. "I swore, when I ran away, that I would _never_ come back. That I would never have to look at those horrible house elves or listen to that banshee's screaming anymore." He shook his head and ran a hand through his ratty hair. "And yet, here I am. And I can't even _leave_…"

Remus put a firm hand on Sirius' forearm and looked seriously into his friend's eyes. "Sirius, listen to me. You can't spend all that time feeling sorry for yourself, or you will go _mad _in this place." Remus' face was firm, but kind. "You've come so far with at least a handle on _some_ of your sanity, my friend. I would hate to see you lose it now."

Sirius gave an unwilling laugh and shook his head. "I'm really glad you're here, mate," he said sincerely. Remus smiled at him and leaned back in his chair.

"So am I, Padfoot," he replied quietly. And he was.

It wasn't until half way up the dirt path that Leigh stopped dead in her tracks, staring down at the luggage she was pulling behind her. A slight glare was on her face as she took a deep breath, trying to fill her lungs with the oxygen they were feeling deprived of.

"Are you, or are you not, still a witch?" she wondered to herself, wand once again in her hand. How could she have forgotten that she could simply charm her luggage to fit into the pocket of her robes? She raised her hand, scowling as the sleeve of her robe pulled to about her elbow – it had been fifteen years since she had worn the things – and muttered the charm.

For a moment she was unsure whether she had muttered the correct charm, but soon her luggage was a shrunken pile in the path. Grinning at her success with a quick mumble of, "Yes, I still have it!" she quickly stuffed them into her pocket and continued up the path.

Oddly enough, Leigh was starting to feel rather excited at the idea of returning to Hogwarts. No students would be around, and she was sure many of the professors had returned to their own homes for the summer. She surely wouldn't run into anyone she didn't want to see yet. Her dark eyes widened as she drew closer to the large castle. It was bigger than she remembered it, and yet smaller at the same time. But she was sure it was the same as ever. How much of an old castle could change anyway?

She remembered the last time she had stood on the school grounds, surrounded by her friends… surrounded by her family.

"_We did it!" a dark-headed boy with glasses whooped with joy, slapping hands with the dark-headed boy next to him._

"_I'm surprised you two managed it," Leigh teased them, her dark eyes sparkling._

"_Ah, kitten," one of the boys said, hand over his heart. "You wound me! Why wouldn't we?" Before she could reply, he continued, "I see your point. They are going to miss us! Maybe I should go make sure McGonagall doesn't need a shoulder to cry on." He grinned._

_The boy with glasses nodded, taking his friend seriously. "I think you're right. After seven long years, the ol' cat is bound to miss us."_

"_More like she's bound to throw a party once you're off the school grounds," came the giggling reply from a red-headed girl, wrapping her arms around Leigh. "Can you believe it? Seven years… and it's all over now." _

_Leigh hugged her best friend tightly. "Don't think like that! It isn't over, it's really just the beginning." She glanced at the only other girl in their group for help._

_The third girl grinned at the redhead, leaning against the second dark-haired boy languidly. "Yeah, just imagine all the chaos we can cause from here on out," she said mischievously. "I don't know about these idiots, but Hogwarts was stifling my creative ability to make people miserable." Her grin matched that of the boy with glasses and of the boy she was leaning against._

_Leigh shared a look with the girl's twin, knowing that they were both inwardly rolling their eyes at the three. "Dear Merlin," he groaned, "we'll be dead before we're twenty. I'm so glad Hogwarts has managed to shape you into a mature, responsible adult."_

She closed her eyes tightly, the boy's face etched into her memory. God, did she miss them all. She wondered where they were, what they were doing, and how their lives had turned out. Were they each married with children of their own? She knew at least one of the couples was married, and surely they had children all over the place by now! A voice in the back of her mind began whispering how she hoped _he_ wasn't married with children. Hopefully _he_ wasn't even seeing anyone. And then another voice joined in, scolding her for even thinking such thoughts! She'd been engaged to a wonderful man months before and here she was thinking about another?

Her eyes began filling with tears. Was she betraying Thad's memory by thinking of another so soon? The first voice was back, assuring her that she wasn't, for she hadn't truly been thinking so deeply about him in 'that' way. The two had been best friends years ago, why couldn't she think about him? She promptly yelled at the voices to shut up before realizing how insane she would sound if she had been speaking aloud.

It was then that she realized that she was standing in front of the gates that would allow her onto the school grounds. She didn't hesitate to open them, thankful that it was summer and that she didn't need to call for someone to allow her to enter. She took a few minutes to just look around in awe at her old school and the grounds. Nothing had changed, and for that she was thankful – she wasn't sure how much change she could handle. Although, surely nothing could be _that_ different, even though it had been fifteen years…

How much could possibly have changed?

Fera hadn't had a clue where she was headed when she bolted out the door of Grimmauld Place, so she had walked and didn't stop until she realized that she had walked nearly a kilometer. She fell heavily onto a wooden bench and threw her head in her hands. She was dizzy and felt sick to her stomach, and she tried desperately to steady her spinning head as she clutched her hands desperately to each side of her face. The memories were swirling about her head in a painful whirlpool, and as much as she tried to steady herself, she couldn't help the sobs that began to wrack her body.

She hadn't been ready for that. Remus hadn't prepared her for that. She had thought she might see a few old faces – that she may have been able to handle. But not him.

…_just remember that things aren't always what they seem…_

Fera groaned and pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes, the tears stinging her eyes and cheeks. Her breathing was coming quicker now and the dizziness was becoming more intense with every gasping breath she took. "No," she murmured, putting her head between her knees. She was grasping, desperately, for control. "No."

Every nerve ending in her body was screaming, joined by the chorus of voices in her head as they merged with each other, creating one senseless, blaring headache of horrible memories. A woman's voice, screaming in pain; a man's frantic shout; a baby's cry… Faces flashed before her eyes in scenes she couldn't make out, and she sobbed helplessly as they took over her mind.

…_don't have time to explain… please try to understand that I…_

Fera whimpered and covered her ears, shaking her head vehemently. "No more," she murmured. "Please." The tears streamed down her face and she continued to shake her head. She hadn't thought it would be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. She was supposed to be married now, with two-point-five children and a new age townhouse in the middle of London. Instead she was crying like a child on a bench in the middle of London with voices in her head screaming at her. Fera sobbed harder and began to rock. It wasn't fair.

…_where is it…_

She wished she could just curl up in a ball on this bench and never move again. She pushed her head even farther between her legs, trying to drown out the screams.

…_where is it…_

"Please leave me alone," she whispered brokenly. The screams continued and she felt sharp pain in her head as her hands grasped at fistfuls of her hair.

"…_where is it…" he muttered for the fifth time, rummaging through her desk drawers like a madman. Fera gave him a confused look, unsure whether he was aware of her presence or not. There was something different about him, something fevered, and she was suddenly very worried. She took a tentative step towards him._

"_Sirius?" He spun around, looking startled, and she could see desperation in his eyes. Her brow furrowed and she touched his arm gently. "Are you all right?"_

_He was fidgety and twitchy, and he couldn't seem to keep still. He nodded and looked around. "Do you know where that photograph went? The one of you and me at Lily and James' wedding?" She frowned and watched him silently for a long moment, but opened the drawer below the one he'd been rifling through and pulled out a silver frame, the photo sitting peacefully inside. She handed it to him, and he began to feverishly unclasp and open the frame, deftly yanking the photo out and carelessly tossing the frame back into the drawer. He neatly folded the picture and slid it into his back pocket. She looked up at him in bewilderment, her blue eyes confused._

"_Sirius, what the hell are you doing?" she demanded. He paused and turned to give her a long look, and his eyes were filled with something she couldn't read – but it scared her, deeply. She swallowed hard. Something was very wrong._

"_I…" He was at a loss for words for a moment, and he looked like a confused puppy. Running a hand through his hair, he looked around the room sadly. Fera watched him like a hawk, waiting for an answer. "I wish you hadn't woken," he murmured, and her brow furrowed._

"_What does that mean?" she asked angrily. "Sirius, what is going on?" He sighed and turned away from her, looking around for something once more. Fera was becoming livid. What was he avoiding?_

"_Look, Fera, I can't really… talk, at the moment… Dammit, _where_ did I leave it?" he exploded. Fera furiously grabbed his wrist and pulled him to face her._

"What is going on?" _she shouted, her eyes fuming. He shook his head and pulled her face towards his own, kissing her hungrily, and she could feel desperation pulsing from him in waves. When he pulled away, he was gazing at her as though trying to remember every detail of her face._

"_I love you," he said quietly, and her heart fluttered in fear. She shook her head and pulled away from him._

"_What happened?" she asked him, her eyes full of worry._

"_Fera, look, I don't have time to explain. Please… please try to understand…"_

_She glared at him and followed him as he hurried to the front door, and she grabbed his arm once more. "Sirius! Stop it!" she shouted. "Understand _what_? Talk to me!"_

_He looked at her sorrowfully and shook his head. Before turning to open the door, he added, "And Fey?" She refused to look at him. He cupped her cheek with a shaky hand, letting his fingers trail gently down her cheek. "Just… just remember that things aren't always what they seem…"_

_She pulled away from him and looked at him furiously. "What?"_

_But he wasn't listening. He opened the door and ran out of the flat, and it shut behind him with a resounding snap that echoed off the lonely, empty walls while Fera stood in the middle of the room, staring at the space he had occupied just seconds before._

"Miss!"

Fera snapped out of her reverie with a shocked gasp, breathing hard as she looked up into the sun. She saw a face hovering above her and couldn't quite make it out.

"Miss, are you all right?" asked a worried voice. Fera tried to regain her composure, sniffing hard and wiping her eyes on her sweater sleeve. She stood, trying to smooth her hair, and found herself looking into the eyes of a beautiful blonde woman with a kind smile, her arms full of groceries. She wiped her face and tried to smile at the woman, although she was fairly certain it came out as more of a grimace. She nodded feebly and the woman tilted her head.

"You looked like you were having a panic attack," the woman said in a soft, lilting Welsh accent. Fera shook her head and took a step away from the woman. She put a hand to her head, trying to orientate herself, and the stranger put a steadying hand on her shoulder. "Easy there. You were sobbing pretty hard there. Do you need an ear?" The woman's face was swimming in front of Fera's eyes, and she shook her head once more.

"Thank you very much for your concern," she mumbled. "I think I'll be all right." The woman smiled and nodded, and Fera turned and began to make her way back in the direction of Grimmauld Place. She shoved her hands in her pockets and stared avidly at the cement as she trudged the pavement. The sounds of laughter filled her mind.

"_Here's to the first day of the rest of our lives, eh?"_

"_No, James – to the start of a new _chapter_ in our life… because I think it's been pretty damn good so far…"_

Fera stumbled on the pavement, the voices echoing in her mind and causing her eyes to well with tears. Would she never escape the memories that haunted her dreams? Why did they now insist on tormenting her every _waking_ moment as well?

"_In twenty years, we are going to _own_ the Ministry of Magic."_

"_Yeah, Lily will be the Minister, and James can be Head of Defense. Remus will be Advisor to the Minister and Peter a press rep, while I control the propaganda in the _Daily Prophet_, and Leigh will be the Head of Foreign Relations. And Sirius…"_

"_Sirius will be the court jester."_

"_Hey!"_

Fera wiped her eyes and stopped walking, smiling despite herself. Leigh… She hadn't thought about her in a while… She had avoided it as much as she could. Her eyes softened at the memories of her old friend, and she wondered what she was doing now. Fera couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled from her lips, nor could she help that it continued, transforming into something that sounded almost… happy. The images of Sirius' offended face, and James' genial smile, and the thought of Lily as Minister of Magic… her laughs overrode her sobs, but the tears continued to flow down her cheeks, and she had to take a seat on the nearest bench to try and take control of her emotions.

She had forgotten how to laugh at these memories. She had forgotten that as sad as it was to think about them, they had been wonderful at the time. They were still wonderful. She had spent so much time, _so _much energy running away… But she had never seemed to realize that she had been running from her friends.

Because if they couldn't exist in her memories, how could they exist at all?

Her eyes wide, Fera stood from the bench. She needed Remus. She needed to see his face and… even though the pain was still there and still tore at her heart like a knife, she needed to see Sirius' face too. She needed to be reminded that her friends were not gone. That they were still alive in effigy, through the pictures she was always hiding away or through the thoughts she was always trying to suppress.

Fera smiled, a real smile, and on a whim began to sprint down the street in the direction of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

She was done hiding. And even if it killed her to be around Sirius Black, she was going back. She was going to rejoin the Order of the Phoenix.


	5. Chapter Four: A Return to Order

**CHAPTER FOUR:  
**_**A Return to Order**_

On the front step of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, Fera took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying her best to steady and prepare herself. She knew it would be difficult to go back inside with Sirius there, and it didn't help that she'd run out like she had. She realized that it was easy enough to tell herself that she was going to go back, going to join the Order of the Phoenix once more – but now that she was actually standing outside the door, just one step away from actually _doing_ so, it was much, much harder. Which made her slightly nauseous – what had happened to the Fera from so many years ago, who didn't think so much? She'd liked her…

She had no idea what she was going to say, she realized. Hello, Sirius, it's lovely to see you again, how was the food in Azkaban, I'm sorry I thought you were a murderer? She didn't think that would go over well… She furrowed her brow thoughtfully and raised her hand to the door knob. But then a thought occurred to her.

What if he wanted to _talk_?

Her hand snapped back from the door, withdrawing to the pocket of her jeans like a wounded animal. Could she handle a conversation with Sirius about all their old secrets, all that old pain? Fera wrinkled her nose at the thought, which she found distinctly unpleasant.

_You just said you were finished running,_ she thought to herself sternly. _Stop being a coward and get in there._

Her conscience had a very valid point. _No more fear._ She kept this mantra in her head as her hand landed on the doorknob once more and pushed the door open. _No more fear._

As she stepped inside the house again and closed the door quietly behind her, a brown-haired head poked out of the kitchen door, and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of her brother's disembodied face looking at her curiously.

"Oh, you're back," he said, rather jovially. She gave him a surprised look and he smiled. "Sirius and I were just catching up," he clarified. Fera felt her heart jump in fear at the mention of Sirius' name. At least… that's what she was bloody well going to claim it was. When she caught Remus watching her, looking particularly nosy, she scowled. _Stop that, you prying git._ He merely smiled, and his head disappeared back into the kitchen. She followed it, opening the door carefully and biting her lip as her eyes fell on the seated figure of Sirius. There was a half-eaten plate of muffins in front of him, as well as a pile of crinkled muffin paper cups, which she noticed was rather large, and she raised an eyebrow.

"You conjured muffins?" she accused her brother, who knew very well her distaste for magically prepared foods. He had a rather smug look on his face and she huffed. Sirius smiled and held one towards her, and she narrowed her eyes – for he knew better, also.

"They're quite good," he said blithely, and she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

She found their behavior incredibly strange. It was as though the scene from just an hour earlier had never happened. It was slightly off-putting, but seeing as she'd just spent ten minutes outside the house, afraid of how awkward it would be, she supposed she didn't have much room to complain. She looked up to see Sirius staring intently at her, and her eyes widened in surprise. And yet, she couldn't seem to look away. His gray eyes were intense and far away, as though he wasn't even aware that he was staring at her. Now that she really looked at him, she couldn't help but notice the small lines that had appeared on his face, like tiny maps of the hardships he had endured in the last few years. There was something so very different about him – like a shadow that seemed to lurk behind him, just out of reach. She found it in various places around him, little hints that he wasn't the person he'd been fourteen years ago – in the stiff way he held his shoulders; the permanent wrinkle between his eyebrows; the way his eyes always seemed a little far off, as though he was in another place; mostly, it was a general lack of the energy he'd once emanated from every pore of his body. It was this last thing that saddened her most, for the abundance of that energy of his had always been what attracted many people to him the most. It had been what fueled that constant, mischievous glint in his eye, and what had made him so constantly pleasant to be around. It was something he had gained from a pure love for life, and she hated to think what must have taken that away.

_Although you have a pretty good idea, don't you?_ a dark, vicious little voice inside her whispered. Her eyes widened and she shook her head.

This action caused Sirius to start out of his reverie as well, and he looked quite embarrassed to have been caught staring at her so. He quickly moved his eyes to the forgotten muffin in his hands. Fera took a deep breath and tried to steady her racing heart, and she noticed her brother watching her in fascination. She met his eyes, which had once been just like hers but were now so different. Remus' face was expressionless, but his eyes were full of all the jolly assumptions she knew he was making in his head. Fera frowned at him. She hated it when he thought he was right.

She hated it even more when she knew he was.

"Excuse me!" called a strict female voice that stopped Leigh in her tracks. She had entered the castle mere moments ago with no one in sight. She'd hoped to make it to the Headmaster's tower without being seen, but that didn't seem like it was going to happen. Turning around slowly, she felt like a student being caught after hours as she looked into the face of her old Head of House. Professor McGonagall had not changed one bit.

"Might I ask just what exactly you're doing?" the woman inquired, lips pressed in a firm thin line.

Leigh smiled shyly, though she was sure the woman could not see it since her hood was still up. "I have a meeting with the Headmaster," she answered.

McGonagall frowned; that voice sounded distantly familiar – a voice she had not heard for years. She squinted slightly from behind her glasses, trying to see the woman under the hood. And then suddenly, as if the name had been whispered in to her ear, she gasped quietly. "Ursula Bledsoe!"

With a sheepish smile, Leigh reached up and pulled down the hood of her robe, displaying her face to the Professor as confirmation. She should have known that McGonagall would never forget her, especially with her group of friends. How many times had the woman tried to have Leigh talk some sense into them? Too many for Leigh to count. "Hello, Professor McGonagall." She could not even be angry with the woman for using her true first name.

"Well, this is certainly a surprise, even if Albus did inform me that you would be arriving soon enough." She gave the younger woman a tight smile, but it faded very suddenly. She could hear the Headmaster's last few words about Leigh when he had informed the Deputy Headmistress of Leigh's impending arrival…

"_I must forewarn you Minerva, I have reasons to believe that Miss Bledsoe knows nothing about what has happened here in the past fifteen years, including the tragic death of the Potters."_

Leigh suddenly felt so unsure of herself. The look the woman before her had gotten in her eyes made her uncomfortable, as if she knew something that Leigh did not. Suddenly and without any warning, she found herself being pulled into the woman's arms. Feeling rather awkward, she patted the woman's back. And as suddenly as the hug began, it ended and McGonagall was standing a few steps before her once again, with that same sad look in her eyes.

"Right this way, Miss Bledsoe, I believe it best we get you to Albus," McGonagall told her.

"Thank you, Professor," Leigh said, still unsure as to why she was receiving that look.

"You've been out of school for some time now, Miss Bledsoe. It would be fine to call me Minerva," McGonagall said with a slight smile.

Blinking, Leigh nodded, thinking how weird it would be to call her old Professor by her first name. Not wanting to be rude, she quickly blurted, "You can call me Leigh… ma'am."

McGonagall nodded, but said nothing on the matter as she continued leading the way down the wandering halls of the school and toward the Headmaster's tower. There were many times that she wanted to ask the young woman beside her a question, but she finally thought that maybe those were meant for another time.

After what seemed like hours, but was truly only a few minutes, they arrived in front of the gargoyle. "Jujubes," McGonagall spoke clearly, unfazed as the statue moved aside; however, the laughter coming from the young woman next to her made her raise an eyebrow.

Leigh waved a hand before her. "I apologize, Minerva." With a few more giggles she settled down, thoughts of the chewy muggle treats almost forgotten.

"Are we better now, Miss Bledsoe?" McGonagall wondered, making Leigh once again feel like a student.

"Yes ma'am," she said quietly, pressing her lips together.

The Deputy Headmistress nodded. "Up you go then, I'm sure Albus is waiting for you. Once you're done, if you feel up to it, stop by my office for tea. I'm sure we have much to talk about. Do you remember how to get there?"

"I do," Leigh replied, surprised by her own answer.

Without another word, McGonagall turned around and began walking away, leaving Leigh to make her way up the winding staircase. She'd only traveled up the staircase a few times in her time as a student, and most of those times were attempts to keep her friends from being expelled, though she was sure they would deny that.

Before she could knock on the door, she heard a voice telling her to enter. Hand still raised and poised to knock, she smiled, for that voice was one she would never forget. Pushing the door open, she smiled as she saw the Headmaster sitting behind her desk. "Headmaster," she greeted, truly happy to see him.

He gave her a smile as he rose to greet her, walking around his desk and holding out his hand. But instead of a handshake, he found himself being wrapped in a tight hug. Just as McGonagall had done to Leigh earlier, Leigh had flung herself into the Headmaster's arms without so much as a hint that she was going to hug him.

He simply chuckled and hugged her back. "Hello, my dear."

Pulling back, Leigh found herself blinking tears away, a few making their way down her cheeks. She laughed nervously. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm so…" She sniffed quietly, waving her hands before her face to make a slight breeze to help calm herself.

"Quite alright, my dear. I'm sure you've had an overwhelming day," he told her knowingly, his eyes looking at her with only the smallest twinkle in them behind his half moon spectacles. He led her to the chair that sat before his desk before resuming his seat behind the desk.

All was quiet for a few moments as Leigh gained control of herself, pushing her tears away. "Well, I hate to see what I'll be like when I see everyone," she joked quietly.

Dumbledore kept himself from frowning. If only she knew how much crying she would be doing soon. "Your friends have truly missed you." That was close enough to the truth.

"And I've missed them… so much," she said, blinking quickly. No. She would not start crying again.

"If I may suggest, Miss Bledsoe, getting reacquainted with them as soon as you think you can manage so. I am certain they have much to discuss with you. After all, fifteen years is a very long time."

She nodded slowly. "I… yes, of course, Headmaster." She wasn't sure when she would be ready. Part of her wanted nothing more than to run off and see her friends now, to leave Dumbledore behind and go and search for them… And then there was the other part of her. The other part wanted to stay hidden away for a few more days, adjust to being back in England, back in the Wizarding World. And sadly, that part of her would probably win.

"Wonderful! Now then, as I have forgotten to say it, I shall say it now: welcome home, Miss Bledsoe." The twinkle in his eyes was fully back now, easing Leigh's mind.

"Thank you, Headmaster." She wouldn't lie and say that it felt good to be home, for everything still felt so unreal to her at this point.

"Now then, for the moment, I have a room set up for you here at the school if you are willing." He folded his hands beneath his chin as he continued, "And perhaps as means of payment, you could help Poppy Pomfrey in the hospital wing during the school year."

Leigh thought this over. It was a wonderful opportunity and it seemed that Dumbledore knew she wouldn't agree to stay without some sort of way of repaying him. Then a thought occurred to her. "Sir, how do you know that I would even want to help Madam Pomfrey?"

He smiled all-knowingly once again. "My dear, do I remember correctly that before you graduated Hogwarts you spoke to Professor McGonagall about becoming a Healer?"

"You are correct." She smiled sadly. "I did want to be... In the muggle world in America, I went to school and became a nurse, as close to a Healer as I could get." She nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment before nodding. "I would like to accept your offer. It's very generous, sir, and studying under Madam Pomfrey would be wonderful."

He clapped his hands together once. "Wonderful!" Getting to his feet, he made his way around his desk. "Now, I regret doing this, however, I have somewhere that I must be and for now I must cut our chat short."

Quickly, Leigh got to her feet. "Oh, no, it's fine, Headmaster. I don't mean to keep you."

"Nonsense. It was lovely seeing you again and I hope to speak to you in more detail soon. For now, though, I shall have one of the house elves show you to your rooms; and if you ever need anything, she will be able to help you," Dumbledore told her before calling out, "Winky!"

With a slight pop a house elf appeared, draped in a tea cozy and wringing her hands. "Master called for Winky, sir?" She gave the slightest hiccup, amusing Leigh.

"Winky, if you could please show Miss Bledsoe to her rooms and help her with anything she needs," Dumbledore told the elf, who nodded quickly.

"Winky will help!"

Dumbledore glanced at Leigh, "Winky is one of our newer house elves… She's quite fond of Butterbeer." He chuckled at the look on Leigh's face, sure that the woman was realizing what that particular drink could do to a house elf. "Well then, I must be off. If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask. Until we meet again my dear."

"Thank you, Headmaster," Leigh told him, truly grateful for all that he had done for her so far. She then began following Winky from the tower, hoping the elf knew where she was going and wondering just how many Butterbeers she had already had that day.

Fera wasn't sure she had ever felt more thankful than she did right now. She had been positive, just moments before, that the awkwardness between herself and the two ex-Marauders in front of her would never end. As it turned out, Remus and Sirius' attempt at playful conversation, which had been so successful when she'd first returned, was not as strong when Fera turned out to be unable to contribute anything more. And so it had quickly died out, and they sat in blaring silence for several minutes, merely watching each other warily. It had been quite brutal.

This was why she nearly burst with relief when a much balder, much grayer Arthur Weasley came whistling through the door, and the three of them leapt to their feet, a general sigh of gratitude flowing between them.

Arthur, who had been holding today's copy of the _Daily Prophet_ to his nose, jumped and dropped his paper when he looked up and saw the three of them standing around the table, wide-eyed and uncomfortable, and put a hand to his heart, meeting each of their eyes individually.

"Merlin's beard, you gave me a fright!" he said, his tone surprised. When his eyes fell onto Fera, they widened in surprise. "Good God, is that Fera Lupin?" Fera smiled sheepishly and nodded. "Well, blimey, Remus, you could have told me she was coming!" His tone was very warm, and he embraced Fera in a friendly hug. She couldn't help but laugh; she had missed him dearly. "It must be brilliant, getting to see old Sirius again, eh, Fera?" he asked jovially, and Fera nearly choked on her tongue, but nodded nevertheless. Sirius cleared his throat and Arthur stepped back from her.

"Arthur, do you have any idea when Dumbledore will be returning?" Remus asked curiously. The older man shook his head and took off his glasses, cleaning them with his shirt.

"Honestly, I thought he was here. I haven't seen him in days, although Minerva says he's been quite busy up at Hogwarts." Remus looked disappointed, and Arthur took a seat at the table and folded his newspaper, which he had retrieved from the floor.

"Anything newsworthy?" Sirius inquired, and Arthur shook his head.

"Thankfully, no. It seems that for now, all is quiet on You-Know-Who's end." He looked worried and slightly sad. "I wonder how long that'll last…" Sirius clapped him on the shoulder.

"Cheer up, Arthur," he said positively. "No news is good news!"

Arthur gave Sirius a very strange look, his brows furrowed in confusion. "Sirius Black is telling someone to cheer up?" he asked, his tone slightly amazed. Fera frowned. "When did you become the optimist?" His words were not rude – simply fascinated. Sirius sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Have I been Confunded, or did I hear something about Sirius being optimistic?" a deep voice chortled, and tall, dark, powerful Kingsley Shacklebolt appeared in the doorway, looking rather cheerful. He looked at Sirius with mock concern. "Have _you_ been Confunded?" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Very amusing, Kingsley. What's got you so cheerful?" Kingsley laughed, a deep, booming sound that made Fera smile.

"Just a very positive, death-free day, my friend, and I intend to enjoy every moment of it. And now I hear you're being pleasant, and it has only made my mood better." Fera looked at the man in amazement. She hadn't imagined that the relationships between the Order members could be so friendly – she had never pictured Kingsley Shacklebolt, who had often competed with Sirius back when Sirius had been in the same training program, calling the other man a friend. She smiled in slight confusion, getting a vague feeling that perhaps things were not nearly the same as they had been when she had first joined. It was then that she became aware of Kingsley's dark eyes staring at her intently and she looked at him, curious. "Am I mistaken, or is that – "

"Yes, it's Fera Lupin," she told him, and smiled. "Hello, Kingsley. It's been a long time." He gave her a radiant grin and shook his head.

"Never thought we'd see you again, to be quite honest," he said, and Fera shrugged, jerking a thumb towards Remus.

"I had a lot of… very forceful suggestions," she said carefully, and Kingsley laughed. Fera frowned very slightly and looked to Arthur. "Have I missed something? A moment ago this house was empty, and now you two are here…" She trailed off, not quite sure what to say.

"Only the standard Order of the Phoenix briefing meeting," came Thackett's voice, and Fera, feeling rather dizzy and claustrophobic, turned to see the blonde man strolling idly into the kitchen, thumbing through a stack of letters in his hands very intently. He raised a hand in greetings to Arthur and Kingsley, never looking up from his stack of envelopes, and took a seat next to Sirius. It was then that he looked up to see the others watching him, and he raised a brow at them. "I did say I had paperwork to file," he said simply. Fera rubbed her temples.

"Remus hadn't told me there was a meeting," she said quietly. Remus looked slightly guilty. "I suppose that means this room is about to get very full." She tried to hide her displeasure, as well as the dread she felt, towards the thought of having to reunite with every single Order member in the same night, and suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. Fera sighed and put her head down in her arms, unaware of the concerned pair of gray eyes that never strayed from her fatigued frame.

As it turned out, "full" was an understatement for the state of the house within the next hour. One by one, the members of the Order arrived at Grimmauld Place, where they immediately expressed their surprise at seeing her and Remus there. Fera had overestimated, however, the difficulty of seeing old friends again. She found that after she'd seen Hestia Jones, whom she'd been quite friendly with back at Hogwarts, and Emmeline Vance, with whom she had talked a lot in the original Order, it became much easier to confront the faces she hadn't seen in fourteen years, such as those of Sturgis Podmore and Mundungus Fletcher, who, despite his lawless ways and bad reputation, she couldn't help but enjoy. Dedalus Diggle had gotten, as usual, overexcited upon seeing her face, and she'd had to extinguish him as he accidentally set fire to his hat, twice – the second time, for when he'd learned that Remus had returned for good as well.

But there had been two people she'd been particularly pleased to see once more: Mad-Eye Moody, who had become very fond of her fourteen years ago, and with whom she'd gotten along famously, much to Sirius' amusement; and Minerva McGonagall. Her old professor had been, surprisingly enough, very happy to see her, as it had been a couple years since they had last spoken; Fera had been under the impression that McGonagall had never been particularly fond of her – perhaps because of an incident involving detention and Fera's admittedly rash decision to do her assigned lines in red paint on the walls. But Minerva had smiled warmly at her and told her it was a pleasure to see her once more after so long a gap. Although Fera did remember thinking she'd seen something in Minerva's eyes – a flash of pity. Of sorrow. And she wasn't sure she liked the thought of that.

Overall, Fera realized that seeing all these old faces again had turned out to be extremely pleasant. Despite the worrying times, it seemed as though everyone was in a very agreeable mood, and she couldn't help but smile as she sat at the now crowded kitchen table, looking around at all the smiling, laughing faces as they talked amongst themselves. There was still no sign of Dumbledore, but she had faith that he would show soon. For now, she was surprisingly content to converse with the new Order.

Dumbledore arrived roughly a quarter of an hour later, and Fera was struck by how much he had changed. It was not a physical change – no, physically, he had not changed a bit since the last time she'd seen him. It was in the way he carried himself. He seemed as though he carried all the world's woes upon his shoulders, as though he personally felt the sorrow of every person Voldemort had ever affected. It made Fera very sad to see. And yet, that twinkle in his eyes was still there. It was as though it could never be extinguished, and she took heart in this.

It wasn't as though she didn't know _why_ he looked so careworn. On the contrary, she knew better than anyone here, besides, perhaps, cheerful old Elphias Doge, who was a co-worker of hers. Working at the _Prophet_ meant she knew all the most recent news, and she knew very well what her stupid newspaper was printing about Dumbledore and poor Harry Potter these days. She knew about the propaganda Cornelius Fudge was working so hard to spread in order to discredit the two of them and their news about the return of Voldemort. As a matter of fact, those stories were the reason she was currently in so much trouble with her boss, the editor of the editorials section of the _Prophet_; Fera had been countering many of those articles with articles of her own, asking her readers what had happened to the integrity of the _Prophet_ that it would buy into Ministry propaganda and government brainwashing. She couldn't resist a smile at the thought of Marilyn Morrigate's face when Fera had shown her what she was writing about that week. _Priceless._

Fera looked up at Dumbledore, who was looking at her with his piercing blue eyes as he took a seat at the head of the kitchen table. She gave him a small smile, and had the sneaking suspicion that he had actually been reading her articles of late. That suspicion became much stronger when he gave her a friendly wink, and she tightened her lips to hide a wide smile. Dumbledore cleared his throat quietly, and all conversation at the table halted as though some magical barrier had suddenly been put into place. Dumbledore smiled at his recruits and Fera was amazed at how majestic the doddery old man could look sometimes. She smiled affectionately at him and he folded his hands on the table quietly.

"Hello, my dear friends," he addressed them kindly, meeting smiles all around the table. "I see there are a few of us who have not been able to make it today." He seemed to be making notes in his head before he continued. "That's quite alright; I shall catch them up when next they are available." Dumbledore seemed to wave the subject away and met Fera's eyes once more. "As I'm sure you are all aware at this point, we have two new members with us today." Dumbledore gestured towards Remus and Fera. Remus smiled warmly, but Fera put up her hands in protest.

"Actually, sir," she said feebly, "I… er…" She hesitated and looked around at the faces around the table. They were all smiling and welcoming, and she recalled how much fun the last hour had been for her. Her eyes met Sirius', and this time neither of them looked away. His face held something she couldn't entirely read, something she perhaps would have been able to read many years ago, and simply couldn't now. She found that odd. She stared at him a little longer, trying unsuccessfully to find what it was about that look that intrigued her so much.

Finally, she smiled and nodded at Dumbledore. "It's an honor, sir." Dumbledore smiled and nodded at her.

"Now, I wish to keep this meeting brief, as I regrettably have some other business to attend to. But I have some key points to touch on." He pulled out his wand and sent some mellow balls of light from the tip of it, which began to float around in the steadily darkening room as dusk began to fall. "So, I'd first like to ask Kingsley for an update on the search for Sirius Black?" Dumbledore had that twinkle in his eye again, and Fera looked at Kingsley curiously. The search for Sirius?

"The Aurors are making great progress, sir," Kingsley responded. "There have been some sightings of Black in the far east, perhaps in the Orient; Aurors are looking into it as we speak." Realization dawned on Fera and she resisted the urge to smile – although the other Order members were not. Sirius winked at her.

"I have always wanted to travel eastern Asia," Sirius quipped, and a light wave of laughter rippled around the table. Dumbledore was smiling serenely and tapped his wand lightly on the table. The laughter died down.

"Now," Dumbledore continued. "Elphias. Is there anything to report from the _Daily Prophet_?" Doge shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry, Dumbledore – I've tried to inquire as to where these reporters are getting their stories, and not a single person I asked will speak to me or, at least, say anything about sources."

Fera blinked and looked at Elphias. "You haven't been asking the right people," she said suddenly, and everyone turned to look at her. She looked around, surprised even with herself, and Dumbledore smiled.

"Are you saying, Miss Lupin, that you _do_ know?" he asked, and his tone said that he knew very well what she did and did not know. Fera shrugged.

"Well, yes. I don't know if any of you have read any of my articles…" There was a joint chuckle shared about the table, and Fera blinked. "Er, yes. Well, my editor hates those articles, but she doesn't exactly disagree with them – rather, she hates how much trouble my articles cause her, but she knows I'm right at the same time. And she told me, er, in great confidence, mind you, that she was fairly certain the _Prophet_ was writing out of the Ministry's pocket." A mass of grumbling passed through the Order members, and Fera looked grim. Dumbledore, however, looked fascinated.

"Do you mean to tell me, Fera, that you are on rather good terms with your editor?" All eyes turned to Fera.

She smiled, a knowing smile, full of cunning. It was a smile she hadn't used since her days of pranking with the Marauders, and it felt good. "I do."

She heard, rather than felt, the reaction of excitement that circled the room, and Fera felt it hit her in the heart with a decided pang. She was ten minutes into her first Order meeting, and already she had established a rapport with her comrades. Already, she had been deemed useful to Dumbledore. She gave Elphias a sweet smile, trying to convey that she hadn't intended to steal his thunder, and he smiled back.

"Fera, this is fantastic," Arthur said excitedly. "Between you and Elphias working for the _Daily Prophet_, the Order can know all the biggest news before the public! This is just what we need to get one more step ahead!" Mad-Eye gave her a gruff smile and clapped her on the back, and she grinned, feeling exhilarated.

"I'm just happy I can be of use," she said.

Dumbledore smiled and stood. "Although this meeting has run shorter than I anticipated, I think it best to end it here. We have had some very good news today, and I can see that everyone is feeling quite chipper tonight. I wish to leave you in good spirits." Fera and the other members stood in respect, and Dumbledore took his leave. Fera hesitated and looked around as the other members began to file out as well. Then she ran after Dumbledore.

"Sir!" she hissed after him as he opened the front door. He turned to give her a genial smile and she made her way through Dedalus and Hestia, who both smiled at her as she passed. "Albus, I was wondering – well, I'm rather at a loss of what to do now," she said, looking around as other members passed her and stepped out the door. Mad-Eye grumbled a gruff goodnight to her and the Headmaster of Hogwarts, and the others gave polite nods as they passed. Dumbledore smiled.

"Well, my dear, I believe that is entirely up to you," he said, as though it had been obvious. Fera frowned.

"Well… I don't mean any disrespect, Albus, but that doesn't tell me anything. I mean… I think Remus has plans to move into Grimmauld with Sirius, which leaves me with an apartment I can't pay for alone…" Dumbledore didn't say anything, only gave her a pointed look, and she hung her head and sighed. "I was really hoping it wouldn't come to that."

Dumbledore chuckled. "My dear, I believe Sirius would be thrilled to have you," he said jovially, and Fera narrowed her eyes at him. Why did he always pretend he didn't know what anyone was getting at? She sighed.

"Thank you for you help, sir," she said forlornly. Dumbledore patted her arm.

"My dear, I'm sure there is truly nothing to worry about. If I remember correctly, you two once got along famously."

There was that fake ignorance again. Fera shook her head, in wonder of her old mentor. "Albus, sir, I mean this in the kindest possible way," she said with a grin she couldn't repress, "but you are absolutely insane." Dumbledore laughed and headed out the door.

"Ah, my dear. If I had a pair of socks for every time I've heard that," he said mildly. And then he was gone, leaving Fera to blink after him in confusion.

She turned back to the kitchen, where Sirius was lounging in a chair on two legs and Remus was making himself a cup of tea. She looked at both of them cautiously and took a deep breath.

"Er, Sirius?" He looked up at her with a strange light in his eyes, something along the lines of hope, or perhaps excitement. She bit her lip and sighed. "It would appear I need a room."

Sirius grinned widely and Remus looked quite happy. She sighed and shook her head. "Don't get so excited. Dumbledore shanghaied me," she said. Sirius' face fell, and she immediately felt remorse. Why had she done that? Why had she pulled the rug out from underneath him like that? Apparently Remus was wondering the same thing, as he was looking at her with narrowed eyes. She blocked his face from her view and looked at Sirius expectantly. Sirius nodded and stood, pointing towards the stairs. He led her to the corridor at the top of them, and then four doors down, where he stopped and turned to look at her.

"Er… this is one of the guest rooms," Sirius said, and his voice was gruff. "It's the best room in the house. Least amount of nagging portraits, and silver snakes."

Fera gave a nervous smile, and there was an awkward silence as they stood in the very small corridor, looking at their feet. "Well, I… I think I'll turn in. It's been rather a… hard day," she said finally, looking up at him. He stared into her eyes for a very long time, before running a hand through his long black hair and clearing his throat.

"Right. Well… I'll just be… downstairs, if you need me. Or my room…" He stumbled on his words, and coughed. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "My room is just here," he finished. Fera followed his finger and her eyes widened when she saw the door just behind him – across the hall from her. She nodded haltingly and reached behind her for the doorknob of her own door.

"I, er…" She swallowed hard, feeling as though there was an enormous stone in her throat. She felt a very thin sheen of sweat on her brow, and she tried very, very hard not to notice the curve of his strong jaw, or the way the stubble on his face made him look rather rogueish; she tried so very hard to ignore the way that even now, his hair fell into his eyes, and the way he shook it away without thinking. _Stop that!_ she shouted at herself, and she cleared her throat forcefully. "Well, I'm rather exhausted, so I'll see you tomorrow – that is, sometime, later, in the near future – good night." She was speaking very fast, and she opened the door and slipped inside her room. The last thing she saw before she shut the door in his face was the look of disappointment that fell over his still-handsome features, and once the door was closed, she leaned against it, breathing hard.

_Oh, I am so buggered._


	6. Chapter Five: Auld Lang Syne

**CHAPTER FIVE:  
**_**Auld Lang Syne**_

Fera awoke the next morning feeling as though she'd been hit by a ton of bricks.

She had lain awake half the night, haunted by unwelcome memories and feelings. And while some memories of her past had continued to replay in her head half the night, it was the feelings that really did it. She couldn't get Sirius' smoldering eyes out of her mind, hard as she had tried. She had finally gotten to the point where she'd desperately wanted to beat herself over the head with something large and blunt, and it was at that point, strangely, that she had finally fallen asleep. It did not please her that the last thing she had seen were those stupid eyes, however.

She slowly sat up in the large, ridiculously soft bed and put a hand to her head. Apparently, once she _had_ fallen asleep last night, she had fallen quite hard. The sun was blasting through the dark green curtains in the window, giving her a splitting headache, and she covered her eyes with both hands, trying to gather her thoughts. Why did she feel like she had a hangover?

Taking a moment to compose herself, Fera slowly uncovered her eyes, allowing herself to adjust to the brightness of the daylight, and through blurry vision she looked around the room. She hadn't gotten much of a chance to check it out last night. It was the only room she'd seen so far that was not cluttered to the ceiling with any sort of dark trinket or Black family heirloom. And if it weren't for the silver serpents in the molding, or the cobwebs that hung off of most of the furniture, she would almost call it comfortable. The furnishings were sparse but accommodating, it was clean and, best of all, it didn't smell like mold and rot, as the rest of the house did. It truly was the best room, and she felt a flash of affection towards Sirius. It had been sweet of him to give it to her.

Fera gingerly rose from the bed, and groaned when she realized she had slept in the previous day's clothes – and that she hadn't brought any extra with her. She supposed it was time to move some of her necessities from her flat. Beyond that, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with the place, or her furniture. Fera rubbed her eyes and stepped up to the mirror in the large, ebony vanity beside her bed. There was nothing exceptional about her reflection – in fact, she found herself quite ordinary, with her stick-straight chestnut hair, blue eyes, and a face that wasn't particularly pretty or ugly. She supposed her high cheekbones and defined jaw line could be considered attractive, but as far as she could tell, the woman staring back at her was quite plain. If anything, she was a little on the severe side. Leaning up against the vanity, she stared intently into her own eyes, as though issuing a challenge. Today was the first day of a new life; she could feel it in her bones. It was time for a new Fera. She was putting her past behind her. From now on, Sirius was just a man with whom she happened to inhabit the same house. There would be no more of this avoiding him, no more of this awkwardness, and _definitely_ no more of these feelings that she had taken out to the rubbish pile years before. She was starting a clean slate.

The woman in the mirror gave a small smile and pulled out her wand, tidying her hair and clothes with a quick charm. With one last look at her reflection, Fera opened her door and stepped out into the corridor, where she was met with the tantalizing smell of bacon. Fera smiled. This was a great start. But just as she took a step towards the staircase, a door opened at the other end of the hall, and she spun around, only to see Sirius emerging from the bathroom – with only a long white towel wrapped around his waist. Fera's eyes widened. _Oh, come ON_, she groaned internally. Who hated her this much? Sirius stopped in his tracks at the sight of Fera standing in the corridor like a stunned deer, and from opposite ends of the hall, they stared at each other with wide eyes.

While Sirius had nowhere near the physique he'd maintained in his twenties, he was certainly much healthier than he'd been in his Wanted poster. Fera's mouth went dry and she struggled for something, _anything_, to say to break the awkwardness. Finally, she came up with a brilliant, "Nnnghuh." She felt her eye twitch. Sirius looked at her with concern on his face.

"Er… Fera…?" She tried to appear dismissive as she forcefully dragged her eyes to his face, but she feared they might have been a little too wide.

"Yes?" she squeaked.

Sirius gestured towards the door she was standing in front of with an embarrassed nod of his head. "You're, er… you're blocking my room."

Fera jumped as though she'd been stabbed with a hot poker. "Right! Right, I'll just… breakfast… starving… Okay." With those eloquent and clever words, she turned and high-tailed it down the stairs, bursting into the kitchen with gasps of relief.

What vindictive god had she pissed off this morning? _Why_?

She was entirely unaware of the other presence in the kitchen until she heard a soft, Welsh lilt say, "Good morning!" Fera jumped about a mile high, holding her chest, and looked at the perpetrator of her surprise.

It was the blonde woman from the sidewalk yesterday.

Fera stared in amazement and the woman laughed jovially. "I believe we've met, have we not?" she asked in a cordial voice, and Fera nodded dumbly. "But we have not yet been properly introduced – I'm Jaennea Thackett." The woman held out her hand, and Fera shook it absent-mindedly.

"Fera Lupin," she returned, and the woman smiled at her. "Wait a tick – Thackett?" She furrowed her brows and the woman smiled.

"I'm Owen's wife," she clarified, and Fera's eyes widened. "I've heard quite a bit about you, Fera Lupin, and not just from Owen!"

Fera nodded, feeling very much like a pinball, and took a seat at the kitchen table. "I actually hadn't known he had a wife," she said. She looked up at the woman, who had turned back to the stove and its contents. She was very beautiful, almost unnaturally so, with long blonde curls, ivory skin and baby blue eyes. Fera found herself rather captured by the newly-discovered Mrs. Thackett. She also found that looking at this woman brought out the strangest feeling of inadequacy in her, something she had never before felt, seeing as looks didn't meant much to her. Frowning, Fera held a lock of her hair to her face, looking at it critically. When had she become so _boring_?

"Would you like some bacon, Fera?" Jaennea Thackett asked cheerfully, holding a plate under Fera's nose. Fera blinked and looked at the bacon with wary eyes, and Jaennea laughed. "It's been prepared by hand, without magic," she assured, and Fera looked up at her in surprise.

"How did you - ?"

"Your brother mentioned it when he was down here," Jaennea clarified, "and I enjoy cooking, so I thought I'd let you enjoy someone else's meal for once." Fera took a single piece of bacon with a small, grateful smile. She'd only been conscious ten minutes and her head was spinning. Would anyone notice if she simply returned to her room and never came back out?

"Thank you," she mumbled, studying the table very closely as she nibbled away.

The blonde woman took a seat next to her, and Fera felt her blue eyes boring into her skull. She looked up and blanched when she saw Jaennea's face merely inches from hers, looking fascinated. Fera gave her a discomfited look.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Her nod was very slow and her eyes wide. She wasn't sure she'd ever encountered a woman quite like Jaennea Thackett before – but she was already beginning to miss her personal space. And yet, she could feel in this woman's aura that there was no judgment or competition – just a friendly desire to chat and meet new people.

"What is it like?" Jaennea's eyes widened in what Fera could only guess was excitement, and Fera was sure she looked like quite the idiot as she gaped at the other woman. "I'm sorry – what is it like, having a brother who is a werewolf?"

_Oh, and I was just beginning to like her,_ Fera thought regretfully, and she felt her face contort defensively. Jaennea looked startled and put up her hands as Fera made to rise from her seat.

"Oh, please don't think me offensive!" the blonde hurriedly pleaded. "I didn't mean any affront to you, or to Remus. I studied werewolves when I was younger, trying to work towards better treatment for them!"

_Ooh._ Fera sat once more, and her face lost all hint of anger. She gave the other woman an intrigued smile. "Studied them?" she asked with a crooked grin, tilting her head. "And what made you decide to do that?"

Jaennea gave her a wide, relieved smile and leaned back in her chair – and out of Fera's face. "I met a woman once – only knew her for a day, but she was quite an inspiring old lady. She was perhaps in her nineties, and as sweet as could be – and she told me she was a werewolf. Just like that, she put it out in the open. I don't know why, but this woman really affected me, and I realized that men and women just like her were being denied basic rights all around the world." Fera listened to her in fascination. Yes, it was official – she had _never_ met a woman like Jaennea Thackett before. Jaennea gave her a simple smile. "Of course, these days I'm more of a housewife – and I'm quite happy. Owen and I have a wonderful relationship."

_Does anything even faze this woman? _Fera wondered. She leaned forward, fascinated in this incredibly strange, but pleasant, woman.

"So, what all did Remus tell you?" she asked. Jaennea's face lit up.

"Oh, well, he didn't tell me too much, but he seemed quite surprised to be asked anything at all!" Fera acknowledged this with a knowing nod, her lips lifting slightly. "But he told me he was bitten when you were both seven?" Fera nodded. "He also said something about the two of you having a very strange relationship, but he didn't describe it." Chuckling, Fera confirmed this with a head shake, and Jaennea grew eager.

"Strange would be one word for it," Fera said vaguely. The other woman's eyes twinkled in her absorption. Fera bit her lip thoughtfully. Perhaps this woman could help her understand more about her relationship with Remus, now that she thought about it… She couldn't help herself. Her mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. "Well, we can sort of… communicate," she began hesitantly. Jaennea looked confused.

"Communicate?"

"Telepathically."

The blonde woman's eyes widened in shock and Fera's hope for a source of enlightenment dwindled away. "A mind connection?" Jaennea whispered. "But how can that be?"

Fera shrugged. "We can… feel one another. It's quite difficult to describe to someone who's never felt it. But if I really listen, I can _hear_ him… and it's not always his thoughts. Sometimes I can just… hear his mood. His feelings. And sometimes, if our feelings are particularly intense, we can channel one another. If he gets very angry, I can feel that anger as though it's my own. But we can also filter it. If I don't want to listen, or," she gave a small smile, "if I don't want him to listen to me, I can block the connection. Usually that's just through focusing very hard on something else, but there have been times when we've created a sort of… wall, between us."

Jaennea seemed enthralled, and Fera felt slightly embarrassed. She had never revealed this to anyone who wasn't a close friend or confidant. It was an intimate part of her, something that had played an enormous part on making her who she was today. And yet, something about this woman instilled a deep feeling of trust in her.

"And this connection started after your brother was bitten?" Jaennea asked excitedly.

"Give or take a few months, yes," Fera replied. "It took some time for us to discover it and figure out how it worked. To this day, I don't know much about it – I've never found any books on it, nor anybody who knows much about werewolves at all, much less psychic connections." She tried to keep from looking disappointed. "To be quite honest, I was hoping you might know something about it," she added.

Jaennea looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, but no, I've never heard of such a thing. I knew that werewolves often form deep, abiding connections with those that are very important to them, but I've never heard of them forming a _psychic_ one." Thoughtfully, she rested her chin in her hand. "It sounds as though Remus took this one step further – perhaps because he was so young?" There was a look in Jaennea's eyes that told Fera the woman was on a fast-paced train of thought, and Fera watched her carefully. She thought she'd put this matter to rest years ago, when she had invested a great deal of time in finding the author of the book _Fuzzy Snout, Human Heart_, to no avail. She'd figured she would go the rest of her life without knowing the source of this important bit of information about herself, but here was this woman, fascinated in Remus' and her story, trying to think of reasons for the Lupins' odd condition, and Fera felt her heart flutter with hope. "Forgive me for asking, Fera, but was Remus' experience particularly… traumatic?" Jaennea asked hesitantly. Fera's eyes widened and she looked away, suddenly finding the curtains very fascinating. "You don't have to tell me if you don't wish to," Jaennea added softly.

Fera shook her head. "It's all right," she said quietly, her voice firm. She took a long, deep breath. "The night Remus was bitten… our mother and brother were killed by the same werewolf." Jaennea looked remorseful, her large blue eyes emanating concern. Fera gave her a half-hearted smile and shook her head. "It's all right – it was nearly thirty years ago. But Remus and I… we both saw it happen. They were…" She paused, her mother's face coming to her mind. "They were trying to protect us. Which was silly, because my brother was eleven…" Fera felt a soft hand cover hers, and she smiled at the other woman. Jaennea's eyes were filled with sorrow and sympathy, and Fera felt a rush of gratitude – not for her new friend's compassion, but for the fact that she had met this intelligent, caring woman. This transition into the new Order had already been rough on her, and it was only going to get worse, so it felt good to know she had someone she could talk to. Someone who didn't already assume to know everything about her, like Remus did. _All right, so it's a little more than assumption,_ she admittedly begrudgingly. The flutter of satisfaction in the back of her mind made her chuckle. _Remus. _From the feel of it, she guessed he was upstairs in his room.

_Yes?_ she heard his voice ask, trying to sound innocent.

_Stop eavesdropping!_ Although her words were sharp, she couldn't help but smile good-naturedly. _You're such a nosey bugger!_

_I can't help myself,_ he replied, and was gone. Fera shook her head and noticed that Jaennea was watching her patiently. "Sorry," she said aloud, and Jaennea chuckled.

"Well, at least for future reference I'll know that the far-away look on your face doesn't mean you're daft," she said. Fera laughed and nodded.

"Yes, thank God I'm not daft – just conversing with my werewolf brother in my mind!" she grinned, making Jaennea laugh. Fera sighed deeply, quickly sobering.

"Jaennea, there's one thing I neglected to tell you," she said, and her tone was guilt-ridden. "Perhaps this one you'll have heard of." Jaennea smiled encouragingly. "Well… besides the telepathy," she started hesitantly, "there's one other thing I acquired after Remus was bitten." Jaennea leaned forward fervently, while, feeling sheepish, Fera rubbed the back of her neck. She wasn't sure she could even get this part out. "Well, I'm… I sort of…" She cleared her throat brusquely. "I'm sort of an Animagus, as well."

It was as though Jaennea had frozen in her spot, her mouth dropping open and her eyes wide as saucers. Biting her lip, Fera hesitantly waved a hand in front of the woman's face, to no reaction. "Er…" She looked around awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. "Jaennea?"

The other woman blinked and her eyes began to focus. She stared at Fera, looking absolutely stunned. "An Animagus." Fera nodded. "You must be _joking_." She shook her head – she'd heard it all before. "Well, that's…" Jaennea was floundering, searching for words. "_How_?"

Fera couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her, and she shrugged. "Buggered if I know. But after Remus was bitten, I would occasionally get these very strange urges – lupine urges. And as the years progressed, I started discovering strange abilities. One day… I 'poofed.' Or that's what Remus always says. I was there one minute, and the next, a wolf."

Jaennea shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "A wolf? You became a wolf Animagus?" Her tone was disbelieving. Fera nodded. "Without a spell or a potion or… _anything_?" Fera nodded once more, feeling like a muggle bobble-head. "But that's impossible!"

Fera raised a brow and held out her hands in an exhibitive pose. "Apparently not."

Jaennea was silent. Fera could see the cogs working in the older woman's head and felt a spasm of excitement. Nobody had ever taken so much interest in her, or her brother before. Nobody had ever tried to find out why they were so different - except Lily, of course, but she had never managed to dig anything up. Here was a woman with power and a fascination in her. And she wanted to know why Fera was the way she was. Fera watched Jaennea avidly as she finally stood without a sound.

Heart pounding, Fera stood as well. "Have you thought of something?" she asked. Jaennea shook her head, and her face was thoughtful and far away. Finally she looked over at Fera, and the look on her face was one of surprise, as though she'd forgotten Fera was there.

"Can you excuse me, Fera?" she asked politely. Fera nodded, confused, and Jaennea was gone - out the kitchen door, and onto the street outside Grimmauld, before Fera even knew what was happening. She blinked and looked around the kitchen in shock. _What just happened?_ she wondered.

She took a seat at the table once more and reached for a piece of bacon, staring thoughtfully at a picture of the "most esteemed Orion Black."

The rooms Leigh had been given reminded her of the Gryffindor Common Room. The carpet was a soft maroon, with specks of gold sewn in. It was the type of carpet that made Leigh want to slip out of her shoes and socks and wiggle her toes on it. There was a couch and a couple of chairs before an empty fire place, all maroon with gold threading.

Shaking her head, she laughed softly, despite the tears in her eyes as she glanced at the stairs that she assumed would lead up to a bedroom. It reminded her so much of her old common room that she half expected James and Sirius to come rushing down, demanding to know where she'd been, with an amused Lily and Fera to the side, shaking their head in amusement - and Remus would be walking quietly to her side, telling the others to let her explain. The thing was, she was picturing them all as she had last seen them, as they looked fifteen years ago. How much had they changed? Had James ever grown into that mop on top of his head that he called hair? Did Fera still surprise everyone with that she was wearing? Did she still dye streaks of her hair different colors? Did Sirius still have that leather jacket - the one he wore constantly after getting it once school was over? Had he cut his hair, the hair that she loved so much? And Remus – how many new scars did he have? How many new grey hairs did he have? Did he still get that look of loathing of his face when he put his hands through his hair, letting her know that it was the grey in it that he was thinking about?

"Miss?" Winky brought her out of her thoughts. "Winky will put your things away."

Leigh was silent for a moment before nodding. "Thank you, Winky. I would appreciate it very much." Pulling her belongings out from her robe pocket, she sat them gently on the floor, and with a flick of her wand, they were once again their normal size. She watched as Winky touched them and disappeared with a _pop_.

Left alone with her thoughts once again, she began to explore the room, starting with the bookshelf. She had always been a bookworm; her grandmother had laughed and said she had been reading books since before she could talk. Of course this wasn't true, but it had always made her laugh. She remembered the countless times that she and Lily had walked to the town library and stayed there most of the day, looking through different books and deciding which to take home with them. But it was always Floriush and Blotts that held their interest long than the muggle libraries, especially for Lily.

"_Now, are you sure you girls know where you're going?" Marie Evans wondered from the driver's seat of the car._

"_Of course, Mum," Lily answered. "Do you think I would honestly forget where a library is?"_

_Leigh laughed. "And I've been around Diagon Alley before I got my Hogwarts letter last year. Flourish and Blotts is my favorite store!"_

_Mrs. Evans sighed. "Alright, alright. Now you two be careful and don't forget Atticus is meeting you for lunch, he'll pick you up –"_

"_- at Flourish and Blotts," the twelve-year-olds answered together as they opened their doors. _

_Lily leaned through the driver's side window and kissed her mother's cheek. "We both have our wands in case of an emergency. We're allowed to use magic if we're in danger."_

_With one last goodbye from both girls, they hurried through the barrier and into Diagon Alley. _

_They spent the remainder of their time before Leigh's grandfather picked them up inside the bookstore. For the first few minutes, they had their letters in hand, holding the newest booklist for their second year at Hogwarts, but as soon as they had found them, they set them aside and began searching for others. Each with a pile of their own books, they had found a small table towards the back of the store and that was where Atticus Bledsoe found them hours later, neither having moved an inch. _

Leigh smiled at the memory. To some it would have been pointless, but to her it was a memory she treasured. Although she had many friends during her time at Hogwarts, no one would ever replace her redheaded best friend. The two had known each other since they were toddlers, as the Evans had lived next to the Bledsoes. But of course, no one could ever replace _any_ of her closest friends; there was no one like the Marauders and their girls.

Moving on from the bookshelf, she studied the portraits on the wall, surprised to see that they were studying her as well. Giving them a small wave, she quickly looked away, glad to hear the _pop_ that announced Winky's arrival.

"Winky is finished, Miss." She gave a slight hiccup, bowing her head. "Is that all Miss will be needing?"

"Yes, thank you Winky, you may go. I'll call if I need you." She smiled at the house elf, amused by the creature.

Once Winky was gone, Leigh slipped out of her robe and laid it across the couch. She couldn't just sit there with nothing to do; she was too anxious, being back in the Wizarding World. She quickly pocketed her wand and headed out of the room. Perhaps now would be a good time to visit with Madame Pomfrey. She was surprised to find that she only took a couple of wrong turns before she found herself in front of the Hospital Wing doors. With a deep breath she pushed them open, but instead of seeing the empty beds neat and tidy, she saw one being occupied…

_There laid Remus, blankets pulled up to his chin, resting after the rough night he'd had. With a couple boxes of chocolate frogs in her hands, young Leigh crept quietly towards the end, not wanting to alert the school nurse or Remus or her arrival. This was routine for the two Gryffindors now. Every morning after the full moon, Leigh would awake earlier than usual, dress and hurry down to the Hospital Wing with some sort of treat in her hands. Each morning she barely paused with a 'hello, how is he?' to the other Marauders who were making their way up to the boys' dorms. _

_Seeing Remus stir, she grinned and placed the boxes on the table next to his bed. Her grin widened as he frowned in his sleep, obviously hearing her – she never could be quiet enough for a werewolf not to notice. The frown soon disappeared with a slight sniff, as if he smelled her there, and soon his lips were tugging upwards, fighting a smile. _

"_I know you know I'm here, Remus Lupin." Leigh teased, carefully climbing onto the bed as to not jar him too much. She studied him for a moment, noticing only a few new bruises and slight cuts on the skin that she could see. She hated seeing him like this, but as usual, she tried not to let it show. "I saw the others come in; kept them out quite late again, did you?" She smiled._

_He chuckled, opening his eyes. "I try telling them every time not to stay late and each morning I wake up to find them still there." She felt a warmth spreading through her body as she intertwined their fingers together. "Bring me anything good?"_

_Leigh rolled her eyes. "You're lucky I even do this. I could be using my time for something much better. Studying… sleeping in…"_

_He closed his eyes, a smile on his lips. "You could, but you know you simply would not enjoy it as much." _

And he had been right, nothing could have been better than those mornings they spent together, just the two of them, while the others caught up on sleep. When Remus would fall back asleep, Leigh would either sleep as well, read, or hurry off to class, depending on the day.

Feeling eyes on her, she turned slightly to see Madam Pomfrey standing in the doorway to her office. "You seemed like you were remembering something wonderful, I didn't wish to interrupt."

Leigh smiled, "It's quite alright, I've finished. Simply remembering all the time I spent in here."

The school nurse nodded, "Ah yes, between Mister Lupin and Misters Black and Potter, you found yourself in here quite often I'm afraid." She smiled as she remembered the chaos the Marauders always caused around the castle or on the Quidditch field. Hugging the woman before her, Poppy ushered her into her office. "Now then dear, Albus mentioned you showed an interest in being a Healer…"

Leigh nodded quickly, feeling quite enthusiastic about it. "Oh yes, it's something I've always wanted to try. I managed to become a muggle nurse in America where I was staying. It was fascinating, although tiring and heartbreaking at times. I got this… this warm feeling in my stomach every time I helped someone, or made a child stop crying."

"Well, it seems as though your heart is in the right place. I won't tolerate anyone taking any of the jobs done here half-heartedly, you see," Poppy informed her, her tone of voice holding no room for Leigh to say anything but, "I wouldn't dream it of ma'am."

"Wonderful. I'm sure that your skills as a muggle nurse will also come in quite handy and if I remember correctly, you were very good at Potions – always hanging around Severus Snape." She raised an eyebrow at the blushing girl.

"Yes well, Severus and I were once good friends; it's only natural that I would be good at Potions. He was brilliant."

Poppy tilted her head. "That, my dear, would be why, I'm sure, Albus asked him to work as a Potions Professor here at the school."

Leigh's eyes widened. "That's wonderful… I – he's not here now, is he?"

"Oh goodness, no, Severus is always gone during the summer holidays. Though I'm unsure where he goes – off to his own home, I suspect. Now, why don't you tell me a little bit about your knowledge in medicine – muggle and magical…"

The two women spent the next couple of hours exchanging their knowledge and getting reacquainted with one another. Poppy was thrilled that Leigh remembered so much after being gone for many years, she knew that the woman before her held great promise in becoming a Healer.

Remus didn't know why, but he was feeling rather lazy today.

He had actually awoken quite early this morning, and had gone down to the kitchen to scrounge up something to eat – but Jaennea Thackett, Owen's beautiful wife, had already been down, fixing breakfast for anyone who traversed to the dingy kitchen. He had been surprised to find her there, as he had never seen Thackett as the marriage type. Nevertheless, Remus found her incredibly pleasant, and they had chatted for a long while before Remus had decided to go back to his room.

But now he lay in his bed, feeling quite relaxed as he leaned against fluffy, propped pillows, with his feet crossed at the end of the bed and an old copy of _The Healer's Helpmate _in his lap. One scarred arm was folded back behind his head as the other lay across one raised knee, occasionally moving from its post to turn a page. He had gotten bored and allowed himself to search the bookshelves of the room Sirius had given him, and had come across this one among stacks and stacks of books about the dark arts. He couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Regulus Black had used this room often.

Strangely, even though he was in what was possibly the most dreary, miserable house to grace the planet, and he was there because of Voldemort's return to power, Remus felt more relaxed and happy than he had in a very, very long time. Perhaps this owed to the fact that he had his sister and his best friend under the same roof with him for the first time in fifteen years. Or that he was truly absorbing himself once more into the Wizarding world after many, many years of having a small amount of contact. Whatever it was didn't matter, as the reason was not as important as the fact itself.

The point being that Remus was going to enjoy what peace he had while it lasted.

He turned the page of his book, not really reading anything – he was mostly just looking at key phrases and the pictures. He'd already read this book three times.

He sat up and his amber eyes paused as they landed on the phrase,"_… can become a Healer only after a two-year apprenticeship to a registered Mentor…_" He frowned very slightly, and his eyes became unfocused as a voice – _her_ voice – echoed in his mind…

"…_talked to Professor McGonagall today for my career consultation," she was saying, her chocolate brown eyes shining with excitement. He smiled, unable to avoid the contagiousness of her enthusiasm. "She says that so far I'm on a direct path to becoming a Healer, if I do this well on my O.W.L.s. Apparently, though, I'll have to take a test in order to get an apprenticeship after we graduate." She looked over at him, and her brow furrowed in concern. "Remus? Are you listening to me?"_

_He shook his head into focus and looked at her. "Yeah, I was listening. Sorry, I guess I was sort of staring off into space, wasn't I?" he asked, and his heart skipped a beat as Leigh flashed him a bright smile._

"_That's all right." She gave him a slight nudge in the ribs with her elbow, a strand of dark brown hair falling into her face. "Have you talked to McGonagall yet?" He nodded reluctantly and she grew excited again. "Well? What'd she say?"_

_Remus shrugged, trying to look more positive than he felt. "She said that with my grades and my mostly good behavior, I can get any job I want after graduation and that I should come back to her if I think of anything I want to do." Leigh grinned widely and threw her arms around his neck in a big hug and Remus couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks. He gently pried her hands off his neck and pulled away from her. "Leigh, come on," he said glumly, his usually bright eyes dull as they met hers. "I think we all know that while it looks that way on paper, it's not exactly true."_

_Leigh frowned and tilted her head to the side as she looked at him. They were both silent for a moment, before she gave him a reproachful swat on his hard upper arm. He gave her a wounded look. "Remus John Lupin, that's a silly attitude to have," she scolded. He opened his mouth to argue, but paused._

"_How do you know my middle name?" he asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. She looked sheepish and grinned._

"_Fera." She laughed as Remus narrowed his eyes, but sobered quickly. "Don't change the subject on me. Why would you think you won't be able to do whatever you want?"_

_Remus sighed, avoiding her eyes. How could he make her understand? Understand that just because she was okay with his being a werewolf, didn't mean that the rest of the world was? Understand that nobody wanted to hire a murderous beast?_

_Leigh was unrelenting. She had her arms crossed over her chest, looking angry. "Well?"_

_He gave her a miserable look. "Leigh, come on. You must be aware that nobody's going to hire a werewolf."_

_The look that rose to her face was one of utter surprise. "Oh, please!" she said, waving his concern away. "Once they see how qualified you are, they'll have to hire you anyway!" Even she looked slightly doubtful, but she took his hand as they sat on a bench in the courtyard. "Remus, please at least have that talk with McGonagall," she urged gently, smiling warmly at him. "For me?"_

_He put on his best smile and nodded, not feeling the sentiment but appreciating her avid compassion. Heart pounding, he reached down to a perfect white gardenia stretching out of the grass next to the bench, and plucked it neatly from its brothers. He smiled as he tucked it behind her ear, and her face lit up, her hand reaching up to touch it. Her cheeks flushed a delicate pink, and he filled with pleasure at the knowledge that he had made her happy._

_He lived for that smile…_

Remus started at the sound of paper tearing, and he looked down at the book in his lap. His hand was clutching a strip of paper, and page forty-five was missing a large hunk. He gently closed the book, feeling quite guilty, and set it aside, looking down at the ripped piece of paper in his hands quizzically. Then he pulled out his wand and, as he muttered under his breath, the paper stretched and turned a brilliant green and pink as it was Transfigured into an faultless tulip. He held the flower delicately in his fingers, turning it slowly and watching as it caught the light.

Leigh had always been his biggest supporter – and while James and Sirius and, of course, Fera, had always gone out of their way to make him feel as though his lycanthropy didn't affect the way they viewed him at all, Leigh had always made him feel as though his lycanthropy made him somehow _better_. She had always insisted that he not let his being a werewolf hold him back, and she'd always been behind him every step of the way. He'd never felt inferior to her – no, the way she'd looked at him had made him feel as though he was wonderful, some special gift, and he'd felt as though he could scale mountains because of it. She had meant everything to him.

And then one day, not long before Harry was born, she had disappeared – there one day, and gone the next. Remus had never understood where she had gone or why she had left, but what he did know was that her departure had taken something away from him… something very important. He had felt a little hollower after that, a little less motivated, and never quite worthy of anything. He had never told friends how much her leaving had hurt him – somehow, it felt as though he'd be putting himself above them. So, he had suffered in silence, offering them support but never asking for it himself, and his hurt had become something private, a secret he guarded very closely. Fera had caught on to this once, but she hadn't truly understood – she'd thought he was just playing the martyr, trying to help his friends through something that had hurt him too. She hadn't understood how deeply it affected him.

Hadn't understood how much Leigh had meant to him.

Remus squeezed his eyes shut, tossing the tulip away from him, and threw his head into his hands. The tulip crashed to the floor, petals breaking off, and it lay in a sad, crushed pile as Remus tried to catch his shaking breath.

It didn't take long for Fera to finish Jaennea's plate of bacon, and once she had taken the Jaennea's abandoned skillet off the stove, she decided she wasn't going to sit around all day – she was going to be as productive as possible.

_Perhaps to avoid thinking?_ It was that nasty voice again, and Fera growled, annoyed. She shook her head and, depositing the cleaned skillet onto the counter, made her way up the stairs. Her eyes fell on Sirius' bedroom door as she passed it, and she wondered idly what he'd been doing in there for the last hour.

_Getting dressed…_ She had to quickly shake the oncoming images from her head before they reached her, and hurried to Remus' door, knocking decisively. When there was no answer, she frowned. _Remus? _she called to him. _Are you awake?_

His voice, even in his head, sounded gruff and harsh. _Yes. What is it?_

Her brow furrowed worriedly. _I… was going to head to the flat to get our things, and I wanted to know if you'd be interested in coming,_ she said, knowing she sounded as hurt as she felt. She felt exasperation emanating from Remus behind that door, as well as a wave of guilt that washed over it, and she felt him decline before she heard him.

_I'm all right_, he said. _Grab me a clean pair of trousers and a toothbrush._

Feeling rather put aside, Fera nodded, but she stayed by the door, contemplative. It had been a long time since she'd heard Remus this upset – and guiltily, she realized that this was perhaps because he spent all his time comforting her – and she couldn't even fathom what he must be thinking of. Lily and James? Harry? Former Order members who had not survived the last rise of Voldemort? Fera furrowed her brow in concern and stepped closer to the door, focusing all of her consciousness on her brother.

_Leigh…_

Fera stepped back in surprise. Leigh? Her old friend's brown eyes and genuine smile rose to her mind and she felt slightly confused. With all that had been happening lately, it was a little odd that Remus would think of their missing friend. Fera leaned against the wall, focusing on her brother's thoughts once more – but she was met only by silence. She sighed and opened her eyes, feeling slightly dazed. Leigh…

She hadn't known that her brother still thought about Leigh with so much sorrow. Granted, they had all been devastated when their best friend had apparently deserted them, and with no explanation. But with everything spinning out of control so shortly after Leigh's departure, Fera hadn't imagined that the other woman could still cause Remus such grief. There was something nagging at her about the feelings that were spilling into her from her brother – but she didn't know what it was. She couldn't entirely figure out what he was feeling right now, and there was something frightening about that.

Fera turned away from the door, feeling slightly dizzy, and stopped to see Sirius watching her. He was leaning against his doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and this time, he was fully clothed. _Thank Merlin,_ she thought. His grey eyes were shrewd, and they never left her face, even after she caught him staring. She gave him a strange look, feeling annoyed.

"What?"

Sirius blinked, looking startled, and shook his head. "Sorry. Just wondering the same thing as you," he said simply, and she narrowed her eyes.

"How do you know what I'm thinking at all?" she asked defensively. Sirius smiled vaguely and didn't answer. She shook her head. "Whatever. Azkaban made you weird." She couldn't help but smile at Sirius' bark of laughter – at least that hadn't changed.

"You could say that," he responded. Fera felt a rush of something she didn't entirely understand, but it filled her chest and made her very uncomfortable as she gazed at him. His lank, lifeless hair, which had once been so shiny and healthy, hung like a curtain over his shoulders, and he was looking even scruffier than he had yesterday. And yet she felt her skin heat up as she took an unwilling step closer to him. He sobered, his mouth tensing very slightly, but he didn't move away. Fera's hand, as though it had a life of its own, rose halfway to his face, her fingers extended, but she caught herself just in time and, eyes wide and horrified, she snapped her hand back and took a step away from him. His face darkened and he cleared his throat. "Well. I've got to find some rats to feed Buckbeak," he said, impatiently flicking hair from his eyes. "God knows my room is full of them." Before Fera could ask what a "Buckbeak" was, he shut the door in her face, and she blinked.

_Is everyone acting insane today?_ she wondered as she headed down the stairs. _Or is it just me?_

She shook her head as she opened the door of Number Twelve, and no sooner had she stepped outside the house than she ran into a rock hard body, and she looked up in shock. Owen Thackett's deeply intense brown eyes stared down at her in amusement, and she gasped and stepped away from him. "Sorry, Owen!" she said quickly, and he gave a deep laugh.

"No worries, Fera," he said casually, sounding as though he couldn't care about a thing in the world. "I was just looking for you."

Quizzically, she looked at him, and he pulled an envelope from the stack of papers he was carrying. "I found this in my bottomless pit of unsorted files, and I thought you should have it," he said. Her fingers brushed the thick silver ring on his finger as she pulled the envelope from his hand. It was old and wrinkled, as well as unmarked, and she furrowed her brow.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Not sure," he replied cheerfully, and she looked at him with incredulous eyes. "I've never looked at it," he laughed. "All I know about it was that they took it from Sirius the day he was arrested – had to pry it from his hands, I'm told. They've held it until it could be delivered to you, and why it wasn't done sooner I'm not sure. I would give it to Sirius, but the file says it legally belongs to you, so…" He trailed off with a shrug, and stepped around her. "Anyway, I've got a bit to do today, but it was nice to see you." He sounded jovial as he opened the door, and Fera was still staring at the unmarked envelope. "Hope whatever it is, is good news!" And with that, he was inside, and Fera was alone. She hadn't even gotten to mention Jaennea.

With shaking hands, she ripped the envelope open.

Inside was a wrinkled Wizard photograph. It had been folded in half twice, and the folds were old and deep, as though it had been done repeatedly many times. Her heart stopped as she unfolded it.

It was the photo Sirius had taken from the flat the night he'd left. In it were the two of them, Sirius in fancy, expensive dress robes and Fera in a long, silver dress. They were wrapped in each other's arms, slowly revolving on a dance floor, and Sirius would occasionally lean in close, his lips to her ear, whispering something or other that would make her laugh. Whoever had taken the picture had done so candidly, for the two of them never looked at the camera, and they looked truly happy. In the distant background, the red-haired bride was dancing with her new husband. There was something bubbling in her chest, a feeling she didn't recognize, and she frowned in confusion until finally, she pinpointed it.

For the first time, looking at this picture, she felt… beautiful.

Fera's hand flew to her mouth and she had to hold back the tears that automatically sprang to her eyes. This had been Sirius' favorite picture for a long time, and he had come back to the flat before trying to head off Peter Pettigrew, just to fetch it, so he would have it while he served a sentence he knew to expect. A sob rose from her throat. They had taken it from him; something so simple, so harmless, that he had wanted to have with him until his inevitable death in prison – and they had taken it from him. She wasn't sure she had ever felt so angry. Even now, they would not let him have it.

She had half a mind to barge into the house and shove the photo into his hands, but instead, she took deep, steadying breaths, and turned towards the street. She tucked the photo safely away into the back pocket of her jeans, tossed the torn envelope into a nearby bin, and started down the street.


	7. Chapter Six: My HideyHole

**CHAPTER SIX:  
**_**My Hidey-Hole**_

Once Fera had gotten everything she needed out of her flat, the week passed relatively uneventfully. Many Order members came and went as they pleased, and she got several chances to talk with her old friends, especially Minerva McGonagall, whom she had never considered much more than her old school professor; and yet she was finding now that she had a lot in common with the older woman, and they got along famously. Jaennea didn't make many more appearances at Grimmauld that week, but the few times she had, she had looked tired and harried, and Fera knew instinctively that the Welshwoman had been spending inordinate amounts of time doing research. Whenever Jaennea did pop by the Order, she and Fera would exchange secretive glances with one another, and Fera would feel her heart swell with gratitude. As for the young Hermione Granger, whom Owen had told her had been staying at Grimmauld, Fera did not see much of her. She had been told that the girl spent all of her time with Ron Weasley, Arthur's youngest son, and she only stopped by Grimmauld every so often to pick up one of her belongings.

After her last almost disastrous run-in with Sirius, he began to avoid her. She noticed that whenever she was around, he spent as much time as he could in his room with Buckbeak, who she had discovered from Remus was a _hippogriff._ This little tidbit of information had left her more than stunned, even after hearing the detailed background story from her brother. Even so, she figured Buckbeak must have been a great conversationalist, for Sirius had been spending a lot of time in the creature's company. It was either that, or he was avoiding Fera expressly. She had a pretty good feeling she knew which of these was true.

Fera's head told her that this was good; that Sirius' silence and avoidance was just what she needed to finally evict all thoughts or feelings she might have of him. However, her heart felt angry and sulky every time she saw that he was holed up in his room. It was confusing, to have two parts of her tell her different things, and she knew, somewhere deep inside, this was significant. But she decided to do with it what she was best at – she avoided it.

Some three days after her arrival to Grimmauld Place, Fera met Molly Weasley for the first time in many years. The two of them had been thrilled to see one another, and had spent hours chatting together, catching up on the previous years and their plans for the future. It turned out that when the various people she had talked to had referred to Arthur Weasley's "youngest son," they meant the youngest of six and one daughter. Fera had been unable to stop laughing upon discovering this, and Molly had laughed at Fera in kind for being so typically cynical.

It didn't take long for Fera to assimilate herself into her new lifestyle. Every morning, Owen would bring mail or news from the Ministry of Magic, and he and Sirius would chat for extended periods of time in Sirius' room, no doubt about Sirius' "whereabouts" – of course, that was assuming they were discussing serious topics, and not being more true to their own characters by chatting about something inane like the numerous uses of Jarvey spit. Once Owen had said hello to whoever was at Grimmauld at the time in his typical devil-may-care fashion, he left, and this would open the way for various other Order members to come filing through. The most frequent visitors were Nymphadora Tonks, whose mother Fera had known well at Hogwarts, and who Fera had taken an immense liking to; both Weasleys, as well as various different combinations of their redheaded children; Kingsley Shacklebolt, who seemed to enjoy stopping by just to chat during his lunch breaks at work; and McGonagall. Fera was starting to enjoy the sense of community that the Order was instilling in her, and she couldn't help but love the fact that she was befriending all these people who'd once just been acquaintances.

And yet, despite the closeness and easy transition, Fera couldn't help but feel as though something was missing. Perhaps it was because she had been in the original formation, which had been larger and formed under happier circumstances – because try as she might, Fera could not stop picturing Lily and James' faces whenever she thought of the next Order meeting. It seemed a little bit… empty.

Or perhaps it was because everything – _everything_ – was different. The last time she'd been in the Order, she and her friends had been huge assets, as they were young and just making their way up the ranks of their respective jobs. Lily had been training to become an Unspeakable; James and Sirius, Aurors; Leigh, a Healer; and Fera had just been starting her job as the fresh-faced, opinionated new columnist for the Daily Prophet. They had been able to get along with everyone, and had been able to take on numerous missions with great results because of an exceptional sense of _teamwork_. And now, Fera found herself feeling old, outdated… and slightly _bored_. It wasn't as though she had delusions of glory, or imaginings of herself running about slaying Death Eaters wherever she went. She had just expected a little more… activity. Perhaps a few more meetings, or at least a few more Dumbledore sightings. But it was as though the man was a wraith – barely existent, more of an _idea_ than an object. Fera wasn't sure what he seemed to be waiting for, but so far, her induction into the Order had been rather anticlimactic.

At the moment, Fera was having a _thrill _of a time buttering bread for a sandwich, and she wasn't sure her heart could contain itself.

She sighed, setting down her knife, and took a large, and quite un-lady-like, bite. She didn't know what she had expected, but it wasn't this. Looking around the dingy kitchen, she felt a twinge of loneliness – it was such a horrifyingly depressing room. She shook her head and took a seat at the table, scratching at an old stain with her fingernail. What must it have been like, she wondered, living here? What must Sirius have gone through every day for seven years, having to listen to his mother harp on about his being a blood traitor? She knew some bits of the story, bits that Sirius had told her – but for the most part, he'd always been silent about his life at home. He had always avoided the subject and Fera had been able to see that he didn't want her to know details of what his family was like. And now, being in his childhood home, she could see why, and she tried very hard not to imagine what he must have endured.

_Pure-blood mania…_ She'd heard him use that word many times, and she'd known what he meant – after all, she had known his cousins. But he had always played it off, acted as though he didn't care, and now, she was starting to get the impression that while she had assumed his hatred for his mother was more playful, or that he took some sort of joy out of defying her, perhaps it wasn't as simple as that. She was starting to see now that perhaps he'd been putting on a show for _her_, and not for his mother.

With a look of disgust, Fera stood and made her way to the living room, sandwich in hand. She didn't bother to acknowledge the many portraits of various Black family members, but thrust herself into a hideous, high-backed armchair, staring blankly ahead of her at the dusty fireplace, which was piled high with old, rotted logs that looked as though they hadn't been ignited in a long while. For no good reason at all, Fera pulled out her wand and lazily murmured the incendiary spell. Flames jumped to life on the logs and she felt an odd throb of satisfaction. She finished the last of her sandwich, pulled her knees up to her chest, and stared as though mesmerized into the orange flames.

It wasn't long before she found herself thinking about her father. This was nothing new, as she thought about him quite often; this time just caught her by surprise. So as she sat in that horrible chair, his face floated through her mind. She could still recall every line in his kind face, every grey hair in his brown mop, every sparkle in those bright blue eyes – eyes she and both her brothers had inherited full on. Fera folded her arms over her knees, pulling them tighter to her chest, and now it wasn't just her father's face she saw – she saw the bright smile of the eleven-year-old Romulus, and the kind, smiling eyes of her mother, Andra. She closed her eyes, and for once, she let the images take over.

"_Come on, Fera!" Her mother was laughing and running ahead of her in the yard, her long, caramel-colored hair flying out behind her. The jolly lights from the house Flooded into the yard, which was growing ever darker as the sun made its descent over the horizon. The four-year-old girl giggled, pulling a lolly out of her mouth, and her mother held out her arms. Suddenly, two little arms wrapped around her mother's neck, and her twin brother flailed as he climbed onto his mother's back. Andra laughed and pulled him around her front, cradling him in loving arms as she kissed his chubby face. And then the little girl was flying, her high-pitched giggles rising over her brother's as her father's strong arms lifted her over his head and onto his shoulders. The tinkling, lilting choral music from inside the house rose and filled Fera's mind as the scene changed. The music stayed the same, but suddenly, there was a nine-year-old, running ahead of her, and her little legs couldn't keep up. "Come on, Fera!" he called out to her, and she pumped harder. She was It, and she had to catch him or she'd never get her turn to run. But Romulus, laughing, was always ahead of her. And then he was gone, and the music became louder, the chorus soaring through her mind. Her mother… her mother was lying in the grass, and there was red everywhere. Romulus was huddled against her mother, and there were large holes, very big rips, in both their stomachs… the grass was turning red, and Fera knew she should turn away. Her brother… Remus had been pulled into the bush, had been bitten by the big dog… "Come on, Fera!" her father's voice yelled, and he sounded scared. He was shouting at her, telling her to come inside… her mum… her mum wouldn't wake up…_

Fera's eyes flew and she gave a haggard gasp, but she didn't move. The choral music began to die down in her head, and the flames were burning their image into her retinas. She steeled herself against tears, but they never came – she sat, dry-eyed, on the armchair, and the only emotion that showed on her face was the haunted look that danced in her eyes. The flames cracked and popped, and she couldn't seem to rid herself of the chill that ran up and down her spine. _I love you for always_. How many times had her mother told her that as she had kissed her goodnight? How many times had Fera fallen asleep to those whispered words? She felt a pit grow in her chest. How long had she blamed her father for what had happened?

His warm, beleaguered smile was back, burned into her mind, and she put a hand to her temples. She hadn't truly opened up to him until her fifth year, and then it had been too late. She had squandered away all the years she could have spent getting to know him, loving him; had spent them full of mistrust and false assumptions, and he had been murdered two years later. Fera felt as though all her old wounds were being slowly pulled back open, and she closed her eyes once more, not to block them out, but to _feel_…

She didn't know why, but while she tried to block out any memories of Lily and James and what had happened the night they died, she had welcomed memories of her father for the past few years. Perhaps it was because she had always felt so robbed, and now she was trying to relive as much of him as she could – she didn't know. What she did know is that ever since he had died, she had found his voice echoing in her mind quite often, pulling out long past pieces of advice when she most needed it. She smiled as his scent, the familiar waft of sandalwood and the rosemary he had always kept a sprig of hanging above his bed, filled her nose and her mind. The rosemary had been her mother's favorite herb, and she had loved to keep the smell of it nearby. After her death, Bastian had never been without it.

Bastian had been the best man she'd known, and until she was fifteen she hadn't even been aware of it. He had always missed her mother, but he had never let it cripple him, and Fera had never quite learned this art from him. _Perhaps I can start now,_ she thought with a small smile.

The fire roared furiously, and Fera jumped about a foot in her chair, her heart pounding. The flames turned bright, neon green, and she stared with wide eyes as a sallow face, followed by long black robes, slowly climbed from the hearth. Fera's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"No," she whispered in horror, shaking her head. She leapt from her chair, standing behind it defensively. "No! You must be _joking_."

Severus Snape looked contentiously down his nose at her, and his black, glittering eyes showed no small amount of malice. He didn't show surprise at seeing her, but took a step back.

"The _female_ one," he sneered, and Fera's eye twitched.

Why the _hell_ did nobody ever warn her about this kind of stuff?

Fera and Snape were silent for several long moments before Snape, looking quite a bit less ruffled than she did, rolled his eyes and walked past her, brushing her shoulder in a way that did not seem accidental. Fera scowled and, despite herself, followed after him as he stormed into the kitchen, looking just as much like a giant stalking bat as he always had. "Where is Dumbledore?" he demanded, looking around. She raised a brow scathingly and put her hands on her hips.

"What, no 'hello?' You're just going to storm in and demand to see Dumbledore, without saying hello to your old friend Fera?" He turned on his heel, his cloak billowing out behind him. She gave him her sweetest smile – she was still in a mild state of shock.

"Lupin," he said stonily, his tone biting and dark, "although I am aware that this is your pathetic attempt at making amusing jokes, I will tell you anyway that the only time I would ever use the term 'friend' in the same sentence as your name is if I were saying, 'Nagini, my _friend_, I would find immense pleasure in watching you devour Fera Lupin.'"

Fera didn't respond immediately, but looked at him with a blithe smile. "Isn't Nagini Voldemort's snake?" she asked. Snape's lip curled in disgust and he threw open the door to the foyer, still looking around like a hawk in search of prey. Fera rolled her eyes. "He's not here, you foul man," she said in a very bored tone of voice. Snape spun on her, his greasy black hair falling across his face.

"Where is he?" he asked through his teeth. Fera scoffed.

"Well, you apparently are not in the loop – Dumbledore rarely shows up here. If you had wished to speak with him, you should have gone to Hogwarts." She paused thoughtfully, furrowing her brow. "Wait a tick, now that I think about it – what _are_ you doing here?" she asked. Snape narrowed his eyes at her.

"That," he snapped, "is none of your business."

Rolling her eyes, Fera shrugged and turned to sit on the stairs, watching him with the sort of half-arsed fascination of a person with nothing better to do. Snape crossed his arms under his cloak and looked rather bitterly around the room, and Fera was still slightly amazed to see him here. She had known that he was supposedly reformed, and that he had Dumbledore's explicit trust, but she honestly had never imagined that he would turn up in his bitterest enemy's old family home, _by Floo_, even, asking her where Dumbledore was. It just hadn't seemed like something she should have prepared for.

And yet, here he was, and Fera had to admit she was feeling more than a little resentful – towards Remus, towards Dumbledore, even towards _Sirius_ – that she hadn't been told about Severus Snape's membership in the Order of the Phoenix.

She hadn't exactly been one of his biggest rivals during school, the way James and Sirius had been, but like with her brother, Snape seemed to harbor a deep hatred for her just for _associating _with them. Fera hadn't been one of Snape's antagonists – unless you counted purely nonviolent pestering that she just couldn't _resist _– and she had even made her displeasure clear with James and Sirius on the many occasions where she had felt they had gone too far, which was more than Remus the prefect could say. And yet, she had always felt an unpleasant lurch at the sight of the man, and she had always disliked him immensely. She and Remus had always been the middle of a sort of Snape spectrum in their group of friends – they didn't love him the way Lily and Leigh always had, but they didn't hate him the way the other three Marauders did. The only difference between the two Lupins was that Remus didn't get quite so much satisfaction out of _annoying_ the sulky fellow.

Snape heaved a long-suffering sigh and, after a moment of looking unsure, turned towards the door. "I suppose I'll go find him at Hogwarts, then," he muttered in displeasure. Fera gave him a sarcastically pleasant smile, and he grunted his disgust before pulling open the door forcefully.

It was then that she heard the footsteps at the top of the stairs, and she tilted her head back slowly to see Sirius standing in the corridor looking bitter and resentful. "I was wondering when you'd show your greasy face here," he growled. Snape spun wildly, and the glare he aimed at Sirius was full of the deepest hatred. Sirius' own glare was no less hateful, and Fera raised her eyebrows. One didn't have to be a prophet to know how this was going to end.

Sirius took a few steps down the stairs, watching Snape warily the entire time, and Snape's lip lifted in a snarl.

"What are you doing here, _Snivellus_?" Sirius asked in annoyance. Snape crossed his arms.

"I would have thought we had reached an age where we'd be past childish name-calling, _Black_," he spat venomously. Sirius gave him a smile that was full of teeth.

"Oh, but it suits you _so well_," he replied. Snape's lip lifted at the corners in a tiny smirk.

"But not half as well as the giant, unplottable house suits _you_, am I correct?" he asked, his voice full of sinister implications. Fera's eyes widened slightly. _Uh-oh. _As she expected, Sirius' eyes narrowed angrily, and she could feel the heat pulsing from him as he took a few more steps down.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked sharply, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his chin in his typically proud Black manner. Fera bit her lip. Snape had always been _much_ more adept at controlling his rage than Sirius was. _Then again, _she thought, _who isn't?_

"Oh, nothing," Snape said, almost lazily. "Merely that it must be nice, having such a safe place to… _lay low_." _Annnnd that'll just about do it, _Fera thought with dread. Her eyes landed on Sirius' face and she watched as it slowly contorted into poorly-contained fury. His eyes flashed dangerously, and within a moment he was at the bottom of the stairs, nose to enormous nose with Snape.

"At least when I want to say something," Sirius said loudly, "I don't _hide_ behind flowery words!"

Snape barely reacted, but for the tiny smirk that never left his face. "That's because you don't _know_ any," he responded. Fera could hear the sadistic mirth in his voice.

There was a loud, angry shout from Sirius as he whipped out his wand, and Snape did the same. But in a flash, Fera was standing between them, one firm hand on Sirius' bicep and the other, against Snape's chest. She glared up at the two of them as a long strand of hair fell into her face. "Stop it," she said fiercely, and Sirius looked down at her in surprise. Neither man lowered his wand. Annoyed, Fera pulled out her own wand and muttered, "Expelliarmus!" while wondering vaguely if it was really worth the effort, or whether she should just let them hex each other's brains out. Their wands flew from their hands, with Sirius scrabbling to keep a hold on his to no avail. She caught them deftly and stepped away from the two men, giving them fierce glares.

"Snape, I would suggest you leave, _now_," she said coldly, "or I'll be keeping your wand and giving Sirius his. And I doubt he'll be very kind to you." Snape's snarling face turned on her, and she rolled her eyes. "You two are no longer in school, and this is _not_ the time to be dueling like a couple of teenagers!" she snapped. She saw the muscles in Sirius' neck relax, and he shook his long hair out of his face. Snape's lip curled, and he angrily pulled open the door, holding his hand out for his wand. Fera roughly shoved it into his palm, and Snape turned on his heel and stalked out of the house, the door closing with a sharp _snap_ behind him. Sirius looked as though he were trying to decide between looking impressed or annoyed, so Fera merely rolled her eyes, plucked his wand back into his robe pocket, and pushed past him to the stairs. He turned to look after her while she pretended not to notice him.

"I could have handled him myself, you know," he called after her, and she spun on her heel, looking at him with furious incredulity.

"_You_?" she asked angrily. "The only way _you_ know how to handle anything is with violence!" He frowned and took the steps slowly, to meet her eye to eye.

"That's not true," he said gruffly as he took another stair up and his face slowly rose up above hers, so that he had to look down ever so slightly to meet her eyes. She had gotten herself into this stupid situation again, this situation where their faces were _dangerously_ close, and her hand began to shake on the banister.

"It's very true," she said quietly, and she was relieved to hear that her voice was unwavering. "It always has been, and I imagine it always will be, Sirius." She turned away from him and her foot was on the next stair upwards when his hand grabbed her wrist, and he pulled her around to face him. His lips crashed into hers, and his hand traveled from her wrist to entwine their fingers. Without thinking, Fera kissed him back, and she could feel the hunger with which he pressed his body to hers, hunger that could only have been built up by years of loneliness. Her free hand responded in kind to reach up into his hair, and it was when she felt the long, tangled mess of it in her fingers that she became aware of what she was doing. Horrified, she snapped back away from him like a rubber band, clutching at the banister with white knuckles as she leaned against it. Sirius did not look quite so terrified – in fact, she couldn't rightfully say what the look on his face meant, but it seemed to be a mixture between fear, shock, and… joy?

Fera shook her head and took a step back, and Sirius' face fell. "Fera, don't…" he started, but trailed off at the look on her face. He shook his head and reached out a hand to her. "Please, can we just –"

"Fey, I'm just going to head down to Flourish and Blotts for a bit," came her brother's voice, and she looked up to see him closing his bedroom door and heading down the corridor with his eyes focused on a list in his hands. Fera heard Sirius swear under his breath and Remus seemed to hear it as well, as he stopped in his tracks and looked up at them with alarm. "I'm sorry, have I…?" Fera shook her head vehemently.

"No," she answered shortly, and she could hear Sirius' sharp intake of breath. She seemed to be on autopilot. "No, you haven't interrupted anything. In fact, there's a potions book I need from there, I'll come with." She avoided Sirius' hurt gaze as she squeezed past him to get to the door, and Remus looked oddly at both of them. _I'm not going to ask, _he told her with a shake of his head. She bit her lip and looked back at Sirius hesitantly. He met her eyes, and his own stare seemed to say everything. Trying not to look guilty, she turned to the door and opened it deliberately. Remus gave Sirius a pointed look and a brotherly clap on the shoulder as he passed and closed to the door behind him as Fera commented in a falsely bright tone, "I would kill for some ice cream right now."

For once, since being back in England, Leigh didn't wake up groaning and wishing that it was all a dream. The sun was shining brightly through the curtains and she felt a bit like her old self, ready to face the day, whatever it may bring. Throwing the blankets back, she slipped out of bed, wiggling her toes on the warm, fuzzy carpet beneath her feet. She stretched her arms high above her head and made her way over to the window, throwing the curtains back and smiling slightly at the sight she saw. There was nothing particularly beautiful or special about the view, but to Leigh it was brilliant. The branches of the trees were swaying gently with the breeze, birds were flying by chirping their merry tunes, and the Giant Squid was moving lazily about the lake. Giggling at a flash memory of Sirius trying to provoke the Squid, she walked away from the window to grab her bathrobe, putting it on and making her way to the bathroom for a long, hot shower, and she began to get ready for her day.

Leigh wasn't sure why, but today she felt at ease and yet excited at the same time, as if something wonderful was going to happen. The tiny bit of uneasiness she did feel was ignored as the excitement overpowered it. Yes, today would be a great day. Always one to think things out beforehand, she was already planning her day in her mind. First, breakfast with the Professors that had stayed behind for the summer, then a trip into Diagon Alley for the list of books Madam Pomfrey had suggested for her.

She found herself humming as she began getting ready for the day, dancing around the room as she had done so often with Fera and Lily back when they were in school. With her mind full of memories, she dressed quickly in a knee length red skirt with a slit up one side and a simple white shirt with a square neckline and sleeves that reached the elbows. Not bothering much with her hair, she threw it up in a blonde mess and held it there with a red headband. She then slipped into her heels and left, grabbing her wand and her coin purse.

The Great Hall was nearly empty, with only Minerva and Albus sitting, oddly enough, at one of the tables usually reserved for students, instead of their usual chairs at the front.

Albus was the first to notice her. "Ah, good morning, Miss Bledsoe."

She smiled. "Good morning, Headmaster." She glanced at Minerva. "And good morning to you as well, Minerva."

The usually stern Deputy Headmistress gave her a kind smile. "And you." She waved an arm over the food covered table. "Sit and join us."

Slipping onto the bench next to her former professor, she began putting food on her plate, her stomach growling. She laughed, slightly embarrassed as they both turned to look at her. "It's possible that I may have been too busy in the library to eat dinner last night."

Albus chuckled. "If I remember correctly, you could often be found in the library when you attended the school. There is a student who will be starting her fifth year in September that reminds me greatly of you and Lily – a Gryffindor herself."

Leigh grinned and replied, "The boys hated it. Well, not Remus, of course, but James and Sirius often found themselves dragged there as well."

Minerva smiled softly, a spark of sadness lingering in her eyes. "I often had to listen to Irma -" She glanced at Leigh. "Madam Pince," she clarified upon seeing the confusion in the younger woman's face, "– tell me to control my Gryffindors, especially 'that lot,' and she was always talking about Potter, Black, and Pettigrew."

Leigh laughed with them. "We were quite a handful, I suppose." She smiled in apology. "I'm going to guess that they haven't changed much, have they? Even growing up…" She missed the look that passed between Dumbledore and McGonagall, a look of pity and sadness. "If we were to write apology letters to the staff for every time we did something to upset them, I think we'd be writing for days!"

Clearing his throat, Dumbledore took it upon himself to change the subject. "Minerva, I plan to leave sometime this afternoon to speak to some friends of mine. Unless, of course, you have plans on leaving the school today?"

McGonagall shook her head. "I have no such plans, Albus. I'll stay behind and watch over the school."

Leigh raised an eyebrow questioningly. "One of you has to be here at all times? You can't just… shut the school down, or something, for the summer?"

"Many of the wards around the school are linked to Minerva and myself," Dumbledore informed her. "Meaning that it is impossible for us both to leave the school for long. That would leave it unprotected."

Breakfast moved along smoothly, with some chatter about the upcoming school year and summer plans among the three adults. Once or twice, Dumbledore or McGonagall would start a conversation, only to have the other change the subject, sometimes in the most unusual way. Leigh simply assumed that some things were not to be spoken about with her in the room and that they had something to do with the school, or with a student. Just as they were finishing up, McGonagall inquired as to whether Leigh had any plans for the day, offering to keep her company if she did not.

"Actually, if it's alright, I was going to head over to Diagon Alley to pick up the books Madam Pomfrey requested I get." She gave her old Head of House an apologetic smile. "Unless you need me…"

"No, no, dear, it's quite alright, I simply didn't want you feeling as though you had to spend your time here alone," McGonagall eased her mind.

"Well, then, I think I'll be off. I want to wander around some before and after I stop by and pick up my books. Fifteen years is a long time…" She got a faraway look in her eyes for a moment before glancing at them and asking suddenly, "Has much changed?"

Dumbledore chuckled, his eyes careful. "I'm afraid to disappoint you, my dear, but not much has changed, and I doubt it ever will."

"It's no disappointment," Leigh said with a smile, her dark eyes sparkling slightly. "It's really a good thing." With a wave and a goodbye, she left the Great Hall and began her journey down the path of the school grounds that led to the gates. She figured she could simply Floo from Hogsmeade to some place in Diagon Alley, as she had done before with the Leaky Cauldron. As usual, Leigh didn't mind the walk from the school to the small Wizarding village, as it gave her time to think; and think, she did.

She knew that she could only hide at Hogwarts for so long until someone found out that she was back. Whether the headmaster slipped and informed someone and they let it loose to someone she knew, or if anyone else let it slip… Leigh was actually quite ashamed of herself for wanting to stay hidden. Why was she so afraid for her friends to know that she was back? _Because you're afraid… afraid they'll hate you for leaving, for being so cowardly that you had to run away,_ a voice in the back of her mind enlightened her. Y_ou're afraid that they'll turn their backs on you instead of welcoming you home with open arms,_ it continued, _and you're afraid they've long forgotten you and moved on with their lives._

The voice was telling the truth; these were all her fears, but they were rational fears. She hadn't simply been gone a few months, but _years_, almost fifteen years for them all: Lily, Fera, Sirius, James, Peter… Remus… They'd had plenty of time to move on with their lives and forget all about the girl she used to be.

Peter. How could she have forgotten about him? All her earlier memories, he'd been absent from them. She smiled, seeing the round, shy, blonde boy in her mind. Even though she'd never considered Peter family, he was still a wonderful friend. She couldn't count how many times she'd told him to stop following Sirius and James around and to be himself – almost like a sister telling off a younger sibling. Maybe Peter was like family… No matter. As soon as she saw him she was going to wrap him in a tight hug, the ones he always complained about while she had never loosened her hold. Had he grown up a lot since she last saw him? Was he more confident nowadays? She hoped so; he deserved to be happy with who he was. Everyone did.

She found herself skipping slightly as she walked through the gates and closer to the village. Avoiding a few holes in the path, as she did not want her heels to be caught and make her twist an ankle, she arrived in the village and headed off to find a place to Floo. She found herself returning the smiles and nods given to her by random friendly strangers on the streets and soon entered a store from which she could Floo.

When she arrived at Diagon Alley, she stumbled out of the fireplace but managed to right herself. She was still surprised she hadn't landed on her butt either time she'd Flooed since being back. Maybe it really was like riding a bicycle to the muggles…you could never forget how to do it. Taking her time, she strolled along the streets of the Alley, taking everything in. Dumbledore was right; nothing had really changed at all and she was grateful for the familiarity.

As she continued, she felt slightly out of place as she watched the witches and wizards in their robes and hats. She hadn't even thought about grabbing a robe before leaving her room up at the school, and thinking about them made a frown tug on her lips. She'd grown a bit since she'd worn them last, and she remembered how the sleeves hadn't been long enough. Her frown slowly turned into a grin. A shopping trip was definitely in order. Quickening her pace towards Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, which was just she was in need of, she had only one thought: she was in need of more money.

A squat witch greeted her as she entered, barely glancing up from the boy she was measuring.

"Ouch, woman!" the boy complained. "Watch where you're poking those things!" He sneered.

Leigh raised an eyebrow, watching them closely. That voice, that attitude, reminded her of someone, but she could not place a name.

"There now, I haven't touched you," Madam Malkin said, straightening up and glancing at the boy's mother as though she were expecting the woman to do something. Her hopes were false as the woman continued to finger through the rack of robes next to them as if nothing had happened.

Leigh stared at the blonde woman in shock. How could she let her son be so rude to the owner of the shop? Her own grandmother would have scolded her by now and if it had happened again they would have left without a thing and gone home for her grandfather to deal with her. Of course, this never happened to Leigh… Now, to her younger brother Nicholas, yes; occasionally his grandfather had had to raise a hand to the boy to straighten him out. Her frown returned at the thought of her brother – she couldn't remember the last time she'd thought about him, let alone spoken to him.

The two had been distant before she left. He'd scared her, and she'd seen part of their father in him, which had terrified her. He had begun keeping secrets from her, something he rarely did, and sneaking around, more so after their grandparents died. He had been becoming dark, and she'd caught him sneaking illegal objects into his room or out of the house… Was he still in the black market business? Was he truly a dark wizard now? Was he a Death Eater? Or had he changed? Had he realized what he was becoming?

Or worse… worst of all… Was he dead now?

She hadn't even realized she'd stopped breathing until someone was taking her by the arm and leading her to a chair. "Are you all right, miss?"

It was Madam Malkin, concern written across her face. "Should I fetch a Healer for you?"

Gasping for air, Leigh shook her head. "No, no, I'm sorry." She glanced around, noticing that the store was empty now, except for her. "I got lost in thought. I promise, I'm fine. Thank you." She gave the woman a friendly smile, pushing the face of her brother in the back of her mind.

Madam Malkin nodded, still slightly unsure. "If you're sure. Might I help you with something?"

Eager to move on, Leigh nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact, you can… I seem to have outgrown my old robes." She laughed. "And I'm in desperate need of new ones."

The woman before her straightened. "You've come to the right place! Now then, anything special? A ball? Everyday robes?"

Slowly getting to her feet, Leigh said, "Everyday would be fine for now. Perhaps something colorful, but also maybe a gray or black robe?"

Soon her arms were full of various colors of robes, and she was being pushed into a dressing room at the back of the store to try them all, to see if she liked any of the colors on herself. Madam Malkin was extremely helpful and always seemed to know just what color, cut and size would look best on Leigh's average frame. She was so helpful that Leigh found herself leaving after only an hour, with four new robes in a bag and promising the woman she would return soon for more. With an extra bounce in her step, she made her way next door to Flourish and Blotts, pulling out the list of book titles she'd had written down.

Twisting and turning past some of the people inside, she made her way towards the section of the store that held all the books on Healing. She ran her fingers gently along the bindings of the books, feeling like a child in a candy store. Pulling down a book from the shelf before her, she flipped through it before moving on in search of the next book. It didn't take her long to find the books Madam Pomfrey had suggested for her and she was glad for the basket she had thought to grab at the entrance of the store. She then moved away from the healing section and soon found herself wondering through the different sections of the store, wanting to pick out a couple of books for her own collection.

Her last stop was in the Potions section, arms already loaded with the basket of books and even with a couple cradled in her arm. She was still searching on for another book for herself. "Ah-ha!" she gasped, reaching up for the rather large book she'd spotted. With a slight pout as she discovered it was far out of reach, she glanced around the aisle and smiled when she found what she had been looking for. She scooted the tall stepstool in front of the shelf her book was on, nibbling at her bottom lip and kicking the toe of her shoe at the stool. It didn't look very sturdy, but they wouldn't leave something out that was dangerous to a customer… would they? She decided to take her chances and carefully climbed up on the wobbling stool, basket and other books still in her arms. "Gotcha," she grinned, pulling the book out from its place.

She must have grabbed the book with too much force, and she found the stool falling out from beneath her, could feel herself falling backwards. Her books were sent flying from her arms and she let out a small, soft scream of shock and closed her eyes, praying that the fall wouldn't hurt too badly. To her surprise, however, she felt strong arms wrap around her, catching her before she could even come closer to the Floor.

Cheeks flushing with embarrassment, the words began rushing out. "I am so sorry! I must have been overexcited when I was grabbing the book… and then the stool - someone should put a sign on that thing -" She laughed nervously as she began to glance up, to see who had saved her from the painful fall. "Thank you so mu-" She felt as if her breath had been knocked out of her.

There, holding her in his arms, a look of similar shock on his worn and slightly scarred face, was one of the people she'd been hiding from. There, with amber eyes that were just as she remembered them staring into her own wide eyes – was Remus Lupin.

With the arm that was not wrapped around his neck, she waved shyly, a nervous smile on her lips, and squeaked, "Hi."

As she had never had much intention to go to Flourish and Blotts in the first place, Fera was now standing in a line at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, and she had sent Remus on to the bookstore only minutes before, asking that he fetch her the book on Potions she needed and telling him she'd meet him there afterwards. She looked around her, trying to ignore the fact that most of the people in here were either children, or parents escorting their children. Although truly, she didn't care who came in here – she didn't care that she was a grown adult getting an ice cream cone, she didn't care that children were giving her stares, and she didn't care about getting ice cream at all. She was just trying desperately not to focus on Sirius bloody Black, _or_ his stupid, perfect lips.

She growled under her breath at the realization that she'd just done it again, and one of the mothers in line gave her a wary look and pulled her child out of the store. Lily's voice echoed in her mind, over and over.

_You still love him! You want to kiiiiissss him, you want to huuuuuggg him…_

Fera shook her head. Why did it seem that every event in her life had already happened at least one?

_You want him baaaaccckkkkk…_

_Shut up, Lily!_ she thought in annoyance, banishing the memories from her head. "Miss?" Old Florean Fortescue was looking at her in confusion, his eyes squinting just to see her clearly. Fera smiled warmly at the old man and stepped up to the counter, folding her hands gently on top of it.

"Hello, Florean," she greeted with a bright smile, and he squinted harder, as though to get a closer look at her. Then his face lit up in recognition and he smiled brightly.

"Well, if it isn't Fera Lupin! Welcome, my dear girl, however have you been doing?" Fera laughed lightly and put a hand atop the old man's.

"I've been better, Florean, but it's nothing your ice cream can't fix. How about you?"

Florean's smile was radiant and he began scooping up a large coneful of coffee-flavored ice cream – her favorite flavor since her school days. "Ah, Miss Lupin, you always knew how to charm me. I'm much better, now that I've seen you. Please, this one is complimentary! Consider my getting to see you again after so many years, payment enough!"

Fera laughed. "Florean, I couldn't do that! Please, you have to let me pay you, especially after you remembered my favorite!" She felt her heart swell at the old man's vivacity. She had always loved him dearly. He shook his head and pointed to his cheek with a coy smile.

"All right," he said. "All right. If you really want to pay me, you can do it with a kiss." She laughed and happily planted one on his withered old cheek, and he smiled brilliantly at her. "Now, go on! Enjoy Diagon Alley. Say hello to your friend, the dark-haired one, for me."

Fera paused as she made to turn away, and she looked back at him in confusion. "I'm sorry, Florean, but I don't think I know whom you mean." Her heart was racing. Had Sirius been mad enough to come to Diagon Alley?

She shook the thought off. Not even he was that stupid… was he?

To her immense relief, Florean shook his head with a chuckle. "No, no, dear. The female one… what was her name again?" He looked pensive for a moment, then waved the thought away. "Whatever it was, I saw her wandering around the street not long ago. She looked a bit different, but I knew it was her! Tell her that she can have a free cone from me as well, anytime she wants! And the same goes for that brother of yours!" He gave her a pleasant grin, and turned to his next customer as she walked away, a bemused smile on her face.

Obviously, he could only mean one person, but there was no possible way he had seen her on the streets. Perhaps old Florean was starting to lose it… She licked a melting drip from her hand as she stepped inside Flourish and Blotts, and she headed straight for the Potions section, laughing quietly to herself. Now that she thought about it, it sounded quite mad. It could only be a figment of the old ice cream parlor keeper's fading eyesight.

"You know, Remus," she chuckled brightly as she turned the corner, "I think old Florean's starting to go a bit batty. You'll never guess what he just told m…eeee…"

She stopped dead and trailed off at the sight of her brother holding a blonde woman in his arms and looking utterly amazed. Fera could do nothing but stare in shock, and Leigh's sheepish "Hi," rang in the silence as Fera's ice cream cone slipped from her now limp hand and landed on the Floor with a resounding _splat._


	8. Chapter Seven: Shattered Hearts

**CHAPTER SEVEN:  
**_**Shattered Hearts**_

"I'm back."'

Leigh wanted to smack herself in the face. Fifteen years, _fifteen_, and that's how she greets her friends? With a sheepish, "I'm back?" Could she make a bigger fool out of herself? Inwardly rolling her eyes, she knew that it was possible. She bit her lip, a nervous habit, and gently pushed at Remus' chest, trying to get him to put her down. He seemed to be in shock, staring down at her with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open.

It was Fera who broke the silence, as she crossed her arms and arched one of those severe eyebrows. "Obviously." This brought Remus out of his shock, and he placed Leigh back on the ground and gave his twin a stern look, much like a parent would give a child who was acting out of place. Seeing this brought a small smile to Leigh's lips. It seemed some things never changed. Her smile grew a little as Fera ignored her brother and spoke again, "Your hair! It's blonde!"

Leigh wrinkled her nose as she brought a hand up to touch her long locks. "Er, yes, it is… It's… different…"

"It looks good." Fera smiled. "_You_ look good! And that top is brilliant, where did you get it?" She lifted an edge of the fabric with a finger, appearing nonchalant and almost flippant.

Finally Leigh felt herself breathing a little easier, and she gave a slow smile. "America, actually, some mall. Not sure which." She gave her old friend a quick once over and grinned. "I see you haven't changed a bit." Fera laughed and did a slow one-eighty, her arms out and her grin cheeky. "Your hair's longer and you wear a bit more makeup, but you have that exact same style in clothes!" she added, eyeing her leather boots.

"That exact same _expensive_ style in clothes," Remus remarked, finding his voice it seemed. "And she has that exact same hole in her wallet, too." He scrutinized Leigh with his deep amber eyes, and she felt her heart pound. "America – is that where you've been?"

Nodding slowly, she found it hard to look either of them in the eyes. "It is." She took a deep breath and added, "Seattle, to be more precise… in Washington. I've been there since I left, really…"

Remus nodded. "If I remember correctly, there aren't many Wizarding towns there."

"Right, but I never went to one. I had no desire to," she admitted softly, clasping her hands before her.

She watched as Fera opened her mouth, only to shut it again. None of them knew what more to say. She knew that the two must have hundreds of questions running through their minds, most of them probably about why she had left and why she stayed gone for so long, or why she was back. "Dumbledore asked me back," she blurted.

"Ah," Remus responded, as if it made absolute sense to him.

It was when a customer brushed past them that the three remembered they were still in Flourish and Blotts, which was, perhaps, not the best place to get reacquainted. Leigh bent down and quickly began to gather her books with Remus' help, while Fera pulled out her wand and banished the abandoned ice cream cone, a slightly forlorn look on her face.

"Perhaps we should take this somewhere else," Remus suggested, handing Leigh her last book before straightening up. "Have you eaten lunch yet?"

Leigh shook her head. "No, I haven't… but it's fine, if you already had plans, I wouldn't want you to cancel them just for me."

"Just for you?" Fera questioned. "Leigh, you've just come back from the States after fifteen years, and now you're presuming to tell us what engagements are and are not important to us?" Her eyebrow plunged into her hairline and Leigh's heart skipped a beat.

She was entirely confused when she was pulled into a sudden hug, and she patted Fera's back awkwardly. Weren't they angry? She'd left them all those years ago without warning, no note, no owl, no communication whatsoever. The awkward hug soon turned into a lifeline for her as she hugged her best friend tightly, not wanting to move. The hug was her lifeline because that hug held nothing but warmth, love and the relief that she was home, when she'd fully expected quite the opposite.

"I missed you too," she whispered in Fera's ear.

It wasn't until Remus cleared this throat that the two women pulled back, laughing at one another as they both wiped at their eyes. "Now what was this about lunch?"

Leigh looped her arm into that of her brunette friend, and they made their way towards the till to pay for their books, with Remus following close behind. It was taking all of Leigh's strength to keep from glancing over her shoulder at him, to study him, to see the changes in him. It was easier to avoid doing so with Fera there, since the two woman hadn't actually stopped talking since their long hug.

Waiting in line behind a group of teenagers who seemed to be collecting their books for the next school year, Leigh turned to Fera. "So what were you saying earlier about Florean losing his mind?"

It was Fera's turn to give a sheepish smile as she chuckled. "He mentioned seeing you…only at first I thought he was talking about someone else the way he described you. I didn't think of you, since… well, it has been a while. And I thought he was talking about …" She glanced back at her brother. "Sirius… which would be rather daft…"

Laughing softly, Leigh shook her head, "Let me guess, Sirius has somehow, _finally_, managed to get himself banned from there?" As she turned around to face the front, she missed the look that passed between Fera and Remus, a look of pure confusion.

Before either of the Lupins could say anything, it was their turn to purchase their books, and by the time they were finished, the conversation, not quite forgotten, was for now placed in the back of their minds. They walked out of the store and made their way through the crowd, towards the barrier that led from Diagon Alley to the Leaky Cauldron. The three made small talk as they made their way quickly through the pub and out onto the busy muggle sidewalk.

"There's a quiet little café by King's Cross," Remus suggested.

"Is that new?" Leigh questioned, not recalling any cafés around the train station before.

Nodding, Remus gave her a smile that sent her heart skipping a beat. "It is for you, though it's been there a handful of years now."

What else could she say but "Ah?" She was sure many things were going to seem new to her but old news to the others who hadn't run away, scared – like a coward. She quickly shook these thoughts away, not wanting to dwell on them just yet. She was sure that in time that they would come into the conversation.

As if she noticed the tension in the air, Fera quickly said, "You'll never believe who I ran into this morning Remus. Tumbling out of the fireplace and demanding Dumbledore as if he owned the place…"

Remus sighed wearily. "Severus." It wasn't a question.

"Indeed," was Fera's wry reply. "Who gave him access, anyway?" When Remus opened his mouth, she continued, "No, I know, it was Dumbledore. Must be mad to trust him, I think."

Leigh frowned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Access to where?"

As if he hadn't heard her question, Remus said vaguely, "Phoenixes are quite rare this time of year."

And suddenly it clicked in her mind. Of course, it was obvious: the Order of the Phoenix was still around. She remembered being a part of it before she had left. How many people were a part of it now? Surely it had grown, because she remembered only a handful of people being a part of it before. The group brought together by Dumbledore to fight against Voldemort, because even then, the Ministry of Magic had shown no signs of helping very much. If it was still the same, she was sure that Sirius and James were having one hell of a time at work.

"Oh, of course… very rare." She smiled, letting him know that she understood.

Fera nodded. "And Snape, he just walks around the place like the overgrown bat that he is…"

"Fera." Two voices sounded at once, scolding her. Leigh and Remus laughed together, both a little forced and Leigh was sure she felt her cheeks heating up.

Fera, however, seemed highly amused, but tried her best to look aggravated. "Wonderful. As if one person scolding me weren't bad enough."

Leigh found herself smiling. "I'm sure he needs help keeping you in line."

"I'm perfectly capable of keeping myself in line, thanks," was the response she received.

Bumping her shoulder, Leigh smiled. "You know you missed me."

"Don't let her fool you. Of course she's missed you… We both did," Remus said, looking straight ahead. "Ah, it's just there, up ahead."

Leigh groaned in delight. "Tell me that it has croissants. I've been dying for a decent one for years because American ones are horrible… They were these doughy… _things_… that they cook and pass off as a croissant. I tried telling my friend Rianna this for ages, and she's yet to believe me."

Her two companions chuckled at her and it was Fera who replied, "Their cinnamon ones are to die for."

"And their blueberry ones aren't horrible either," Remus told her.

It shocked her for a moment that he had mentioned that flavor, of all the flavors available. He'd remembered. He still remembered that blueberry was her absolute favorite. For a split second she felt like acting like a schoolgirl by squealing and jumping up and down and even twirling around. Remus Lupin remembered something about her, something that she figured no one else had paid much attention to and even if they hadn't, it wouldn't have made her this happy. This thought made her realize how pathetic she was. He remembered her favorite croissant and she was to start squealing? It was just the fact that she was back and seeing both him and Fera again after so long. It couldn't be anything else. Or at least that was what she was trying to convince herself.

Settling with the reply of, "Wonderful," she was silent the rest of the way to the café. She was trying to wrap her mind around the fact that here she was, about to have a quick bite to eat with two of her best friends. Friends that she hadn't seen or contacted in years… and here they were, acting as if nothing had happened. Were they feeling as strange as she was? Surely they were.

Choosing a table, they placed their orders and sipped on their drinks quietly. Leigh soaked up the silence, mentally begging the other two not to begin asking questions yet. It was a hopeless cause.

"America," Fera began, her piercing, steel blue eyes staring across the table at Leigh. "What was it like?"

Thinking, she stalled for a moment, holding tightly onto her mug of tea and taking a sip. "Well," she started, "It's like a completely different world. That's why I chose Seattle, it doesn't get too warm and it rains _constantly_… and then there was the obvious time difference, that was horrible getting used to. That said, I've just now gotten to the point where I can fall asleep at a proper time here."

"How long have you been back?" Remus wondered, staring down into his own mug.

"Barely over a week." She sighed and repeated herself, her own eyes drifting down to glance in her mug, "Barely over a week."

Silence once again settled over the group. It was an ugly sort of silence that could swallow a person up, making it hard to breathe, that made one want to find the quickest exit and make a dash for it. Taking a deep breath, she brought her mug to her lips, trying to at least keep her hands busy.

"Well then, why didn't you come find us?" There was no anger or accusation in Fera's voice, just curiosity and perhaps the smallest bit of sadness.

"Simple," Leigh replied quietly. "I was afraid." She found the courage to look up at them. "It's been so long that I wasn't sure how to approach you, what to say to you, any of it. I was terrified you would turn your backs on me and I knew I couldn't handle that. It took all I had just to come back here, it was like I was saving up my courage again before I faced everyone."

Again she felt her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip as she waited for someone to say something, anything, even if they told her they were angry with her.

After the pregnant pause, Fera picked up her drink and simply said, "Well, that was stupid."

Remus chuckled. "You should have realized that we would welcome you back with open arms." His smile was warm and kind.

Leigh felt her eyes begin to water and her stomach tightening. Would it really be this simple? Would they really all welcome her home?

"Our friendship has never been like anyone else's," he continued quietly. "We've been through more than hell, and we've stuck together – for the most part. I'm pretty sure no one could ever have the sort of friendship we've had. You'll always be a part of that."

Lips pressed tightly together, Leigh blinked quickly, trying to keep the liquid from falling from her eyes. "Really?" she choked out.

"Really," Fera answered, reaching over and giving her hand a tight squeeze. "Besides, when have any of us ever truly been able to be angry with you and stay angry with you?"

This caused Leigh to laugh, even with the few stray tear drops rolling down her cheeks, "Never."

"Exactly. Never. Why would we start now?"

"I doubt Lily will feel the same way." She lifted a hand and dabbed at her eyes with the corner of a napkin.

"Lily always understood you better than we – " Fera stopped suddenly, and the look upon her face could only be called pure confusion. " - did… Wait… _will_ feel?"

Leigh nodded, feeling rather confused herself. "Of course, surely she still lives close by." She chuckled. "I mean, I honestly can't see James moving far from Sirius and Merlin himself knows that man would never be far from you…" She glanced from one twin to the other. Why was she suddenly getting a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach? The two looked so confused, it was truly beginning to scare her. "Did they move?" she asked weakly.

She saw Fera's mouth open, but before the woman could get a word out, Remus grabbed onto her arm. The siblings locked eyes, Remus' grave face staring at Fera's bewildered one. And suddenly Fera's face changed; she no longer looked confused, but terrified, and Leigh was almost positive she saw a tremor go through the woman's body. She wasn't stupid and she hadn't been gone long enough to forget the signs that showed when the two were talking to one another in a way that no one else could hear them – through their mind link.

"Leigh - " Fera began, glancing away from her brother. But just as before, Remus' hand shot out to grab her wrist, cutting Fera off from saying more.

It was then that Leigh knew they had something to tell her, something horrible. Was Lily hurt? Had something happened to James? Had the two moved away? Surely not…

Then the air seemed to be harder and harder to breathe in, as though her lungs weren't capable of making oxygen anymore, and her mind began whirling around the worse possible ideas…ideas that all ended with either Lily or James, or both, dead. Shaking her head, she placed her hands on the table and pushed herself back. "What aren't you telling me?"

Remus ran a hand back and forth across his mouth, as if he were thinking quickly about something. "I think its best you come with us, Leigh." There was a look in his eyes that Leigh could not quite place, the same look was also in Fera's eyes.

"Where?" She didn't care that she sounded demanding, the two before her were starting to scare her and she found her hands beginning to tremble.

"Headquarters." Once again it was Remus speaking. It was as if Fera couldn't speak, as if she had lost the capability to do so – very rare, for her.

Nodding quickly, Leigh stood with them, leaving uneaten croissants on the table beside a tenner as they hurried away from the café, none of them speaking until they managed to walk, unseen, into an alleyway. "Fera, meet us there. I'll take Leigh along with me," Remus commanded gently, watching as his sister nodded in understanding. With a "pop," she disappeared.

Turning to Leigh, he held out his arms, "Do you trust me?"

Without hesitation, she nodded. "Of course." Nothing had changed that, and she was sure that nothing ever could. She would always trust the man before her with her life. Stepping close, she wrapped her arms around his middle back and held on tightly and she closed her eyes. Once his arms were around her, holding her close, she felt the familiar terrible pull of Apparation. Even when she was sure they had landed, she didn't move for a moment. Mind still spinning from the journey, she began preparing herself, because suddenly the only thoughts whirling through her brain were those all ending in death.

"We're here," Remus said quietly, only stepping back when she dropped her arms and taken a small step back on her own.

Glancing around, she barely noticed the small empty square as she followed Remus across the street to where Fera stood waiting for them, hands solemnly shoved in her jeans pockets. Pausing before the looming figures of Numbers 11 and 13, Grimmauld Place, a shiver went through her as Remus leaned in and whispered, "Welcome to the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. You know how this works - remember Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place."

Nodding, she repeated it in her mind – and she still gasped softly in amazement as the building began moving, spreading apart and Number Twelve appeared between Number Eleven and Number Thirteen. Even after she had grown up in the magical world, from birth until after her school years at Hogwarts, magic still amazed her. Not taking time to dwell on this, she followed behind Fera with Remus bringing up the rear as they headed into the house. She barely managed to look around the dark hallway, chills creeping down her spine. There was something about the place that screamed 'dark wizard' to her. What was the Order doing here? What _was_ this place?

She jumped as Fera's voice rang out, sounding rather alarmed, even to Leigh's ears.

"_Sirius!_"

An opening door was heard, followed by quick footsteps upstairs. Moments later a panicked man appeared on the staircase, rushing down to meet them. Chocolate eyes stared at him in awe – Leigh knew who she was looking at. But the man before her was the mere skeleton of the Sirius Black she had known. He looked as though he hadn't had a decent shave in days, nor a decent shower. His hair was longer than she was used to, and more tangled than she had ever seen him allow it to get. But it was his eyes that struck a serious blow to her. They were dull, almost empty, and there was no sign of the mischievousness they had once held.

What could have done this to him? Where was the man she had known, the one so full of life and jokes? The one who had rarely lived up to his name? A whisper in the back of her mind answered her. War… sadness… death… darkness…"

"Sirius."

Sirius staggered as soon as their eyes met, and he seemed to shy backwards a bit, his bony hands grabbing at his hair and face as though in an attempt to hide them. He couldn't seem to make his eyes meet hers, and Leigh fought to keep his gaze, unable to look away from the horrific sight of a man who had once been so handsome, so full of life, now looking so close to death and misery.

She was so lost in trying to wrap her mind around the way Sirius looked that she was only vaguely aware of Fera saying, "Sirius, she doesn't know."

This caught Leigh's attention, and she was once again finding it hard to breathe. Something horrible had happened. "What's going on? I feel like… like I've just picked up a book… only it's the sequel and I've yet to read the first..."

Sirius seemed to fall heavily onto the stairs, and he was muttering furiously under his breath. Finally he looked up at Fera with outrage in his eyes. "How can she not know?" he demanded. "And what the bloody hell is going on?"

"It seems as though Dumbledore managed to find her, and convince her back. We ran into Leigh in Diagon Alley and while we stopped for a bite she mentioned wanting to see Lily…" Remus answered wearily.

That was the last straw. Leigh could no longer just stand there and let them continue talking as if she wasn't even there. She needed to know what was going; she had to know what had happened since she left. Hands curling into fists at her sides, she demanded furiously, "Where's Lily? If you don't take me to her I swear I'll remember some painful hex… I'll settle for James, or even Peter! Just tell me where they are!" She couldn't feel the tears falling down her cheeks or the way her throat seemed to close up. "Where are they? _What happened_?"

Fera, Remus and Sirius all looked at one another, and each seemed reluctant to speak. Finally Fera, swallowing hard and with a shaking bottom lip, took a ragged breath. "Leigh..." Leigh fought for her breath and wished against all hope that her friend's next words were good... were positive. They weren't. "They're... they're gone..."

Shaking her head quickly, she was determined to make what they were saying something good. "Gone… They're on holiday, aren't they? Away for a while but they… they'll be back soon…"

But she knew that wasn't true. She knew what they meant, especially because of the way the three before her were reacting. Sirius looked as though he would be breaking down into tears at any moment and wanted to be having any conversation but this one. Remus looked helpless, and she could now place that look in his eyes: sadness. And then there was Fera: already tears were rolling down the woman's face.

"No. They're gone," she choked out. "They… they died, not long after you left."

"No. No, no, no, no, no!" Leigh repeated, shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. "You're lying to me! They can't be dead! They can't be!" she yelled. "You have to be lying to me!"

Before she knew it, someone was in front of her, their hands on her shoulders, trying to pull her close. She pushed roughly at them. "Stop!" Her voice cracked with her yell.

The hands were back and this time she allowed the person to pull her close. Looking up, she found herself staring into Remus' amber eyes, which were full of heartache. "Leigh…"

She shook her head. "No, no. You don't under-understand… they… no!" More tears fell down her cheeks like an overflowing river, and she tried to wipe them away. "Not Lily, she's… she's my family, Remus, she's… we've been best friends since… She's too strong… And J-James… he would n-never… never let someone take… take him or Li-Lily down…" Her knees were too weak to continue holding her up and she found herself staggering against Remus.

She was barely aware of Fera's voice thrusting on, and she almost closed her ears. "He... didn't," she said painfully, and Leigh looked up to see Sirius' head in his heads, as Fera screwed her eyes shut and plowed on. "He fought with everything he had... Perhaps I should start at the beginning." Fera gave a sharp intake of breath and Leigh steeled herself against the next words. "There was a... a stupid prophecy," Fera said with venom in her voice. "Some Seer told Dumbledore that as July ended, a child would be born to a couple who had defied Voldemort three times, and... well, Lily and James had a son, Leigh..."

"They named you godmother," Sirius said suddenly, looking up. His face was torn by pain, and Leigh could see that his formerly dull eyes were now shiny with tears. "And... and me, godfather. Fat lot of good that did."

Leigh gave another choked sob. She had left her friends behind to die, and they still named her godmother to their son? _They had a son?_ How could she have done this to them? How could she have left them to die? They were wonderful to her, probably hoping that she would return, that she couldn't stay away so long. "Godmother?" She licked her lips, the bitter salt of her tears stinging her tongue. "What… what's his name?" she whispered. Her hands clutched at Remus' t-shirt desperately and he lowered her to the ground, arms still around her.

Fera gave a tiny chuckle through her tears. "It's been a while since anyone asked that," she said bitterly. "But he's Harry. Harry James Potter." Leigh gave a muffled wail and Sirius winced, returning to his cocoon of arms and hair and knees. Fera ran her fingers through her hair, grabbing fistfuls of it as she did. "Lily and James decided to go under the Fidelius Charm, and they chose Sirius to be their Secret Keeper..." Fera trailed off, looking hesitantly at Sirius, who seemed to be clutching at his knees harder than ever.

_Could this story get any worse?_ Leigh wondered, barely managing to see Sirius through her tears. The way he was clutching at his knees seemed as if the worst was yet to come. She shook her head as if she was still trying to deny everything she was being told.

"Unbeknownst to the rest of us, Sirius had them choose Peter instead," Remus whispered in her ear.

Trying to take a breath, she nodded, "Under…understandable. Voldemort would realize they would… would choose Sirius." She sniffed loudly. "He would die before giving them… giving them away to the bastard. I love Peter, but no one would think…" Another sob kept her from saying more.

Again, Fera laughed bitterly and shook her head, and Leigh's heart leapt in her throat as Fera's hair hid her face from view. "You won't love Peter so much when you've heard the rest of the story," she said, and she seemed to be horrified with herself for saying so, as she clapped a hand to her mouth.

"Tell me," Leigh whispered, unable to keep her eyes away from the woman, seeming so horrified with what she had to say next.

"Apparently," Sirius voice crept from his arms, deadly quiet, "a rat is always a rat." Fera clutched at her face with her hands, and Leigh didn't know how she could hold herself together when her friends were falling apart around her.

Leigh's eyes jumped to Sirius and widened at his words. Her throat went dry and her stomach lurched. "He…" She couldn't believe it. "He gave them away? Betrayed them?" She shook her head, disbelieving once again. "No, not Peter, he… He's… We're… friends… he couldn't…" She glanced up at Remus, as if begging him to tell her that Fera was wrong, that it wasn't true. But he had his eyes closed, like he was trying to block out the story or the memories running through this mind.

She looked over at Fera and felt horror fill the pit of her stomach as Fera shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks. "He could, Leigh... and he did. Voldemort came to their home on Halloween... James..." Fera choked and had to take a deep, sobbing breath. "James tried to fight him off, but Voldemort cut him down... and Lily..." Fera stopped, screwing her eyes shut, and passed a hand over her face. Leigh felt a shudder take over her body at the mention of her best friend's name. "Lily gave up her own life for Harry's," Fera finished with a sob. "And... somehow, it saved him." She was shaking her head fervently. "I don't know how, but it did."

So Lily and James's son had survived, somehow, because of Lily. In the part of Leigh's logical mind, the part that was processing everything that she was being told, she could believe that. Lily had always been so strong and caring, helping anyone that she could. Leigh was sure she and Lily were the only two people in the world in Severus had ever considered friends, true friends. Lily had that affect on people. She never backed down from anything if she believed it in.

But Leigh knew that there was more to the story. Looking over at Sirius, the way his shoulders gave a slight tremor, face still buried in his knees, hands tugging at his hair, she knew it was something to do with him. He had lost James, his brother, his best friend, but that wouldn't cause him to look like he did. Something horrible had happened to him, and although part of her wanted to hear no more, she knew she had to know. Pushing away from Remus, she scrambled to her feet, doing her best not to fall over and somehow managed to stumble over to the staircase, landing roughly on her knees. With shaking hands she reached out and rubbed Sirius' back, eyes looking at no one else but him.

"Sirius," she whispered, but said no more. Her eyes held all the questions that she didn't need to ask out loud.

Sirius looked up at her and their eyes met. She could feel his pain grip at her heart. "Nobody knew," he croaked hoarsely. "Nobody knew about the switch..."

A gasp sounded and it look her a moment to realize that it had been her. "They – they thought…" She shook her head. "No! You would never, never hurt them! In any way! They knew that!"

She was met with silence, giving her no relief. "But after someone spoke up for you... Fera... or Remus... they knew it wasn't... After... after a trail... and questions..." She knew that she wasn't truly making sense, but she couldn't figure out how no one would have realized it hadn't been Sirius.

Sirius looked away from her and she looked over at the Lupin twins, who looked rather guilty.

"No one spoke up," she whispered, falling back slightly, looking up at him rather dazed. "Then what?" Her voice had become sharp.

Sirius still did not meet her eyes, and she could see him shut down and return his head to his hands. "He... He was going to kill Peter," Fera whispered, and her voice was shaking violently. "He cornered him on a crowded street, and... and Peter began to yell about how Sirius betrayed Lily and James..." She choked on a sob. "Peter blew up the street and vanished in rat form and... and Sirius was left in the middle of it."

Remus cleared this throat, as if he would be unable to speak without doing so. "Without a trail, they sent him..." His eyes closed, the guilt obvious on his face. "They sent him to Azkaban."

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Leigh suddenly found herself unable to breathe and it took her a few moments to be able to take even the tiniest breathe. Hand gripping Sirius' arm, she shook, "No." She refused to believe that Sirius had been sent to that terrible, horrible place filled with dread and Dementors sucking out any little bit of happiness they found. As the air filled up her lungs, she got to her feet and pointed an accusing finger at the Lupin twins. "Why didn't you do anything?" she shouted, her voice hoarse from all her sobs. "You knew it couldn't possibly… that he would never…it's _Sirius!_ He would never betray them like that! God, half the time during school he felt guilty for taking the last of Remus' candy stash or spilling something on one of my books!"

Fera buried her face in her hands, shaking her head violently. "You don't understand," she murmured. "You weren't there..." Leigh could tell her friend was breaking down, and she knew there was something more to it, something that was tearing Fera apart.

"It's not their fault," she heard Sirius say suddenly, his hoarse voice full of pain.

She couldn't understand how he couldn't be upset with them and blame them. Staring at him, she wiped both cheeks, but the tears still seemed to roll. How could Fera and Remus just stand by and let Sirius go to prison for something he could never and would never do? How could they doubt him like that? Of course, it was hard to believe that Peter would do something so terrible, so betraying, but Sirius would never do such a thing.

Turning around, feeling truly heartbroken, she stared at them unseeingly. "Tell me I'm dreaming."

She had to be, this couldn't be real. It was a nightmare, a horrible, so real feeling, heartbreaking nightmare. Her breathe was coming in short gasps, her heart pounding wildly in her chest, stomach clenched painfully. "Tell me I'm dreaming," she repeated, voice cracking.

So many memories were running through her mind, the faces of Lily, James and Peter swarming around, making her dizzy. Hands going to her head, she heard herself murmuring, "Not true, they're not dead." over and over again. It was like the others were no longer in the room with her, she couldn't see them, couldn't hear them, and couldn't acknowledge they were there.

Hands gripped her forearms and the next thing she knew, someone was pulling her into a tight, bone crushing hug. They held her close; her face tucked into their neck and rocked her gently. It wasn't until they spoke did she know who held her.

"I wish I could tell you that you were. I wish all of us were." Sirius' voice by her ear was still hoarse but getting stronger with each word. "If we could wake up and still be back at Hogwarts, that'd be fine with me, Kitten." He sighed. "But we're not at school and we're not dreaming, you're not dreaming."

Pulling back, he rubbed her arms, a look beyond sadness in his eyes. "That's not everything…"

Leigh shook her head. "How can there be more?"

How could they possibly have more to tell her? Wasn't their story already horrible enough? What else could they add to it? Taking her by the shoulders, Sirius turned her and began leading her out of the hallway and through a doorway that led to what seemed like the kitchen. She heard the footsteps of Remus and Fera following her and soon the newly reacquainted group was gathered around the table and silence filled the air once again.

"You said," Leigh began, wiping her face with a napkin, trying to control herself, "that there was more."

She saw Remus nod out of the corner of her eye and tilted her head to look at him. "Then tell me, I need to know." She then glanced at Sirius and Fera, sitting as far from one another as possible. "You've changed, all of you. It's natural…but…" She shook her head. "You two, you act like you can't stand to be near each other. I remember you two, you were so in love before I left, I thought nothing could tear you apart."

She saw Sirius and Fera give hesitant looks to one another, and Leigh's heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong. That was... avoidance she saw.

"Things are… difficult, Leigh," Sirius said gruffly, and she could see that it pained him as much as it pained her.

Fera's face was closed off and she looked away from the man who had once been her greatest love.

He noticed this and looked rather bitter. "The night I was arrested, I... stopped by our flat first and..." He looked down and did not finish his sentence.

Leigh's brow furrowed. What the hell had happened to her friends? "We haven't been together for a very long time."

All she could do was stare at them, shocked and confused. They hadn't been together for a long time? From the sound of it they hadn't been together since that night, the night that had claimed the lives of two of her best friends and forced Sirius into prison for something he hadn't done. "This proves I'm dreaming." She laughed but there was no humor behind it. Head in her hands, she took a few deep steady breaths, her mind still whirling from all of this news. Finally she looked up. There would be time to discuss their relationship later, later, when she had the strength to yell and perhaps even lock them in a room together. "Harry," she finally said. "What's happened to Harry? His parents... parents dead... Sirius in... that awful place..." She glanced at the twins, hope filling her eyes. "Tell me the one of you was able to get him."

Fera shook her head, looking heartbroken, and Leigh felt her stomach drop. "Leigh, I had to move back in with Remus after that and... we had no money..." She looked sad, but not regretful, and Leigh felt something of a vague anger towards her friends. "Neither of us were his godparents, we had no claim over him, and when I inquired about it to Dumbledore he only reassured us of this and said that he was safer with..." Fera winced, as though her next words were very unpleasant - and Leigh knew she was not going to like it. "Well... he sent Harry to live with... Petunia..."

Leigh felt her heart drop. She remembered Lily's horrible sister, always mocking her and trying to get Lily and Leigh into trouble. "How _could_ he?" she burst, outraged. "Do you _remember _Petunia? She _hated_ Lily, hated me, any of us… anything to do with magic!" She shook her head quickly – what was Dumbledore thinking? On second thought, what was Petunia doing agreeing to take Harry in? Was it possible she had been upset by her sister's death enough to take in her nephew? Somehow, Leigh didn't see that as very likely, but Petunia was only human – maybe it was the truth. Taking a deep breath, she nodded, mostly to herself, and questioned, "Have any of you met him since… all of this?"

"When he was thirteen, and in his third year at Hogwarts, I met him," Remus told her. "I was the Defense teacher at the time."

Leigh couldn't help the soft laughter that came from her. "Oh, Remus." She shook her head, her heart lightening just for a moment. "I bet you made a wonderful Professor."

She could have sworn she saw the lightest blush creep up on his cheeks, but was sure that she imagined it.

"Yes, well." He cleared his throat as if he was uncomfortable. "It only lasted the year. Harry is a very intelligent boy; he looks almost exactly like James but with Lily's eyes."

This made her heart drop again, one hand clutching the neckline of her shirt as her eyes begged Remus to continue.

"He and his two closest friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, are no strangers to mischief and trouble. Sadly, trouble seems to find him." His sigh and the way he ran his hand through his hair wearily made Leigh's stomach drop again.

"Trouble?" she questioned, frowning. "Trouble like… our kind of trouble?" She prayed that he simply meant the kind of trouble the Marauders always got into, the fun-filled kind that often ended in detention.

"I so _wish_ that were true," she heard Sirius mutter. She stared at him as he took a deep breath, only to be cut off by Fera.

"I think that's another tale for another time."

Leigh nodded absently; she could only handle so much bad news at once. Where was any of the good news? Had they only known heartache and horror since she had left? Was that all she left them with?

"What else should I know for now?" she wondered quietly, staring down at her hands.

"I suppose we should tell you who is no longer a part of the Order," Remus began quietly, almost as though he didn't want to be the one telling her.

"We've lost numbers but have also gained a few… Do you remember Alice and Frank Longbottom? Married around the time Lily and James were?"

"Of course!" Leigh said, glancing up, fear written in her eyes. "Alice was such a sweetheart with a fiery spirit. And Frank…" She shook her head. "Either of them would have done anything for anyone! Are they…?" She didn't want to say it. Were they dead? Who could possibly want to kill such a wonderful couple? Of course, she knew who would want to kill them, or perhaps it hadn't even been want, maybe they had simply gotten in the way…

She saw her friends hesitate, glancing at one another before Remus shook his head. "They're alive."

"They'd be better off if they weren't," Sirius muttered darkly, staring into space.

"They're at St. Mungo's, and that is where they shall remain. They were tortured into insanity…"

Leigh gasped and found herself agreeing with Sirius. Maybe they would be better off dead. Someone tortured so much – surely they weren't truly happy. They probably didn't remember anyone or any of their life. "That's horrible."

"Edgar Bones," Remus continued, "and his entire family, murdered. Wonderful family. Marlene McKinnon and her family were murdered as well, shortly after you left. As were Gideon and Fabian, you remember them? The Prewett brothers?" He continued with her nod. "Caradoc Dearborn, we're not sure if he's dead…"

Sirius snorted. "He must be, never found a body did they?"

Remus ignored him but Leigh couldn't help but to stare at him, feeling as though her throat was swelling shut and she couldn't get enough air in. How many more had died?

It was Fera who spoke next. "Dorcas Meadows was killed, personally, by Voldemort himself," she spat out. Leigh gazed at her with sorrow.

"Oh, Fera, I remember you two were friends," Leigh murmured, unsure of what to say.

"It was years ago, Leigh," Fera replied tiredly, and a bit bitterly. Almost is if the death of the friend shouldn't hurt as it still did, which was, of course, ridiculous.

"And lastly, Benjy Fenwick," Remus finished.

An eerie silence filled the air, none of the friends knowing what to say or what to do. What could be done? No words would help in this moment.

There were so many deaths to take in, to process. Leigh found her chest tightening and tears filling her eyes once again. How could she have missed all of this? Why had she locked herself away for so long? Why had she warded her home to keep owls away? Why had she refused to visit any magical communities? Why had she turned away at any sound that could be linked to her old life? She vaguely remembered a group talking about a celebration almost two years after she'd left. She'd passed by them to hear them mentioning Britain celebrating some downfall or another. She'd turned away quickly, not wanting to overhear anymore. Another flash and she found herself remembering the news mentioning a breakout in England of a mass murder… she gasped as she realized she'd heard the man's last name. Black. _Why_ hadn't she made all the connections? How had she been so blind? Because of this, she hadn't been able to say goodbye to two of her _best friends_. She'd lost another to the darkest wizard around and the others had been left to drown in misery, alone.

And suddenly she found herself standing up so quickly that she knocked down the chair she had been sitting in. She looked at her friends, but couldn't truly see their faces. Everything was blurring and the noise that reached her ears, she soon realized, was her own breath, wheezing as if she couldn't breathe and the hot tears she felt sliding down her cheeks were her own. "I… I c-can't do this," she whispered, her entire body shaking.

She felt someone by her side, holding her arms as if they expected her to faint or fall over at any moment. She heard them talking, but it was as if she had cotton in her ears. She couldn't make out the words being said. Before she knew it, she was being led out of the room and up a flight of stairs. She didn't know where she was going, but she was grateful to be getting away, didn't care where the person led her. Then she was being pushed down onto a soft bed and a blanket was thrown over her body.

"You rest here, Leigh." Fera, she finally realized, as the brunette woman wiped her cheeks. "We'll be right downstairs if you need us. You're _home _now, and we're here for you." With that being said, she felt lips press against her forehead, before hearing a door shut, and she was left alone. She wanted to scream and yell that she didn't truly want to be alone. That being alone made her feel so cold and there was a growing darkness in her mind. But she didn't call out. Instead, she curled her knees to her chest and began sobbing into a pillow.

Fera shut the door to her room and leaned against it, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. It was amazing, for once, to be the one who was comforting, the one who was _not _having the breakdown… Her breath hitched, and she laughed quietly to herself. _Well, _she thought sardonically, _not having a_ public _breakdown. _She ran a hand through her hair and felt a sob down in her throat as she thought of the broken look on Leigh's face. _What have we done?_

When she returned downstairs, she saw her brother's head pop up from his hands, staring at her with red-rimmed eyes. "How is she?" he questioned.

She shrugged her shoulders, a weary smile on her face, and she couldn't help but notice how his hands were shaking, a very un-Remus-y trait. "I left her in my room to rest. I think it's been too much to take in." Her brow furrowed worriedly and she sank slowly on the bottom step. "Maybe we should have let her wrap her mind around the fact that… they're dead," she said with a slight wince. "That's enough to deal with on its own."

"She needed to be told, Fera," Remus said, his voice gentle and yet firm at the same time. "There's still _more_ that she needs told, the prophecy, Harry's encounters with Voldemort…"

"I know, Brother," Fera sighed, feeling weary. She only vaguely noticed the invocation of a name she hadn't called him since Lily and James died.

Who knew that today would have been such a long day? That_ Leigh,_ of all people, would return after so many years, or that they would have to recall so many painful memories in order to explain what had happened since she left? She felt drained, and all that old pain had been dredged up again. The re-opening of old scars… She felt almost sick with it. Fera rubbed at her eyes, trying to wash it away.

"What do we do?" Sirius asked quietly, leaning forward, hands clasped together and resting on his legs.

Fera turned her head slowly to look at him looking at him questioningly, the look mirroring her brother's. Sirius looked like an old man, with that jaded look casting daggers at the floor, and the circles underneath his eyes seemed to have grown darker. She felt a tiny wrench in her heart at the sight of him looking… looking like an old convict.

"Do we pretend like she hasn't been gone so long? That she didn't just leave us? Or came back the same way?"

"We stick by her, of course," Remus said quickly, as though it were obvious.

"We can't ignore it," Fera said slowly, feeling slightly dizzy. "But it's still Leigh… she's still our friend and she's going through a hard time. We all went through exactly the same thing…" _Some of us more than others, _she added softly to herself, watching as Sirius' dark shanks of hair fell back over his eyes and guarded his face from the world once more. "She'll tell us why she left and stayed away for so long, but not until she's ready. We won't push her or demand she explain herself." She looked from the ragged Sirius to her distraught brother, trying to muster up a challenging look, but she knew that none of them had the energy to argue. When she spoke, it was in the weary tone of one who had traveled a very long distance. "Do we agree?"

"I agree," Sirius croaked, his voice breaking.

"As do I," Remus said softly. "You're right, she's still our friend and she had her reasons for leaving that we'll know in time. We're sticking by her and helping her through this."

Fera nodded and stood from the step, running a hand through her hair and feeling like an old woman. So much had happened, so much to take in, she was amazed she was still standing. It was astounding, the sort of inner strength she found herself capable of when it was time to take care of another person. Perhaps she should look into it… She looked over at Sirius again. He was hunched into himself, his head buried in his hands and knees, and his shoulders shook very slightly. She felt her eyes tighten at the sight of him, and bit her lip. "Sirius," she said softly, and he looked up at her jerkily, his eyes red-rimmed and full of pain. Her brow creased and she felt her hands shake. "I – " She wasn't even sure what she had planned on saying to him, she had only known that she wanted to take that pain away from him, and now she gaped like a stupid fish. Finally she cleared her throat and said quietly, "Leigh was right. We should have stuck by you."

Sirius gave her a small, sad smile, and she felt something that almost like an understanding pass between them. She realized that he truly did not blame her, and she knew that he had realized that this was why she had avoided him so avidly. This guilt she felt… She closed her eyes to it, and when she opened them again there was a knowing look in Sirius' eyes. "It's alright, Fera," he said quietly, and she knew he wasn't talking about the guilt – and she knew that for all his forgiveness, for her, it wasn't alright. She sighed and turned away, looking up the staircase.

"She shouldn't be alone," she said quietly, slowly starting up the stairs. "I should go to her."

"I'll come with," she heard both voices behind her, and she turned back to see both Sirius and Remus looking at each other with small grins, to see a familiar look pass between them that she hadn't seen in them in many, many years. She felt tears prick her eyes just at the sight of it. It was a look of brotherhood. She shook her head and gave them both a smile.

"Come on then," she said, and the three of them headed upstairs.

Leigh's heart wrenching sobs had quieted down slightly. Her hands still tightly gripped the pillow, her shoulders still shook and her breath still came in soft gasps, but it was better than before. Her dark eyes, surrounded by rings of red blotches, stared at the wall. Her mind was still trying to filter through the information she was given, all the deaths. But mostly she kept seeing Lily and James in her mind. She kept seeing their days at Hogwarts with the others and with Peter. How could this have happened? If you would have asked her years ago, while she was still in school, she would have said that they had a fairytale friendship that no one could break and that everyone wanted. So how was it so broken now?

She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the door open, though the slight squeak should have given it away. It was when she felt the bed dipping down that she knew someone was there. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Fera giving her a watery smile as the woman wrapped her arms around her, resting her chin on Leigh's shoulder. Laying her head back down, Leigh lifted a hand and gripped Fera's tightly.

She was surprised again when the bed dipped, this time in front of her, and Remus sank down, gently lifting her up and placing her back down, partly on his chest. Shifting slightly, she let go of Fera and moved so that the hand was now clutching at Remus' shirt. The other twisted oddly, and yet comfortably, to grab Fera's hand once again.

As the bed dipped once more, she had no doubt that Sirius had joined them as well. Sure enough, his arm soon appeared over Fera and rested on Leigh's. Tilting her head back she saw him curled up behind Fera, holding both Fera and herself. She gave him a shaky smile and placed her head back on Remus' shoulder. Although she was hurting, although it felt as if her heart had broken, she felt comfortable in their presence, however awkwardly they were placed. This was where she belonged, and she never, ever should have left. This was home. This was where her family was and always would be. There never should have been any doubt.

Their friendship would mend, she had faith in that. Together they would heal and grow and together they would survive.


	9. Chapter Eight

Okay please don't kill us, but this (ONCE AGAIN) is not a real chapter. But I SWEAR, it's the last stupid fake update we'll ever, ever do (probably). I just wanted to make this update to let you all know that I recently went back and read through this fic again, and after having not worked on it in so long, I was cringing the entire way through. SO, I've decided I'm going to make a few big changes and rewrite what's been written so far, and simply repost the fanfic entirely. This hopefully won't take long, and then we can continue on to writing and hopefully finishing this fic and the two that are to follow.

In the meantime, we've made a blog for updates and graphics and whatnot, and the link is on our author profile for those of you who are interested. If there are any of you left. And if there ARE any of you left, we'd like to let you know that you are lovely and amazing and we appreciate you very, very much.

We hope you'll bear with us just a little longer, we swear we'll stop being flaky and annoying (and when I say we, I mean me, I just like to say 'we' because it implicates Cherry in the blame with me!) and this fic will be much better than it is now. I'm hoping to have the rewritten prologue up in roughly a week or so, maybe even sooner. So if you still have any interest at all, hang tight!

Thanks for your patience, everyone!

- Kirby


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